I bury my face in my hands again and wonder if Nolan will even let me through the front door.
Chapter 10
Felix
Something weird is going on, and I don’t know what to do about it. Donovan and Connor are superglued to Callie at the back of the gym next to the punching bag and wall of weapons. They say they are helping her progress in her fighting skills, but there’s a lot of touching her and less punching and kicking of the bag. It makes me worried I might be too late to tell her how I feel. I wasn’t the only one in that dream. At the same time, however, Callie seems to be distracted and keeps sending concerned looks Nolan’s way that he ignores. Except, he then sends unreadable looks Callie’s way, but only when she isn’t looking. Finally, I can’t seem to stop trying to sniff Nolan. His spicy cologne is awkwardly distracting, and the scent is distantly familiar in a way I can’t place.
Maybe it’s because it’s been a while since I smelled things, and it’s weird because I’m recalling the memories from a different body. Seems like sound logic, except that I’m having some more… visceral reactions to it. My palms should not be sweaty. Why do I have sweaty palms?
“Felix, did you hear anything I just said?” Kaleb asks, his deep baritone tinged with suppressed annoyance.
He’s also been weird, though it’s harder to put my finger on how. He sounds like himself, acts like himself, and makes all the normal Kaleb-like decisions and reactions, but it’s as if he’s playing the part of himself, and the real him is closed off and not here in the moment.
“Felix?” Nolan says my name softer, concern infused in his unusually raspy voice. “Are you okay?”
“Me?” I squeak, sure that it’s the first time James’s voice has reached that high pitch. Clearing my throat, I plaster on a smile that I hope doesn’t look as awkward as it feels. “I’m fine. Everything is normal. I’m totally listening and completely on board with this exerciseallthe time.”
Kaleb raises a single brow, clearly not buying what I’m selling. “Then what was I talking about?”
My gaze furtively passes along the wall we’re closest to, and I notice a full set of dumbbells. “You were talking about weight training,” I answer, though it comes out more like a question.
“Well, he’s not wrong,” Nolan adds helpfully, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. His fingerless, weight lifting gloves are rough through my thin shirt. I’ve never seen him wear them before. I guess if he’s going to train, he has to have all the accessories too?
I’m not proud of it, but I totally sniff him again. What is it about his scent? Maybe James was just big on smells, and I inherited some of it? Focusing on Kaleb, and definitely not also wondering if Nolan has always been this fit, I nod a little too enthusiastically.
Releasing a big sigh, Kaleb shakes his head. “As I was saying, you’ll want your reps somewhere around eight to ten to continue to build muscle. If you’re not struggling on the last one, you need to add more weight.” He starts pointing to different weight training machines that are taking up a full quarter of the gym. “I’ll show you how each one works. Once you get through each station, you’ll run them all again for another set.”
“Right. I’ve totally got this,” I state with false bravado, walking out of Nolan’s embrace and toward the closest machine. It’s next to one of the floor-to-ceiling windows that looks out onto the back of the Campbell’s property. There’s a bench to sit on and a bar I pull to lift the weights attached on the other side. Wiping my sweaty hands on my basketball shorts, I silently bemoan,I so don’t got this.
“Felix, you have to warm up first or you’ll injure yourself,” Kaleb announces, sounding tired in a way that makes me think he said this before when I was too busy watching Callie.
I rub the back of my neck, embarrassed about how much I don’t know. This was James’s life, baseball or training for baseball, whereas I only vaguely remember gym class and how much I didn’t like it. My feelings must show on my face, because Kaleb’s expression softens.
“Are you sure you want to do all this?” he asks, walking over and placing his hand on my shoulder. With a gentle squeeze, he continues, “I know you want to honor James by following his dreams of playing baseball, but there are other ways to honor his memory.” A melancholy shadow crosses his face, but it’s gone before I can decipher what it means.
“He’s right,” Nolan adds, crossing his arms over his shirtless chest, his defined biceps more pronounced with the motion.
My eyes catch on his all black tattoo on his right shoulder—the one he had Connor do in my honor. It’s a broken, old-fashioned clock with a cracked face and exposed gears. The dates of my life and death are carved into one of the gears in Roman numerals. Surrounding the clock are angel wings, one white and one black, a wolf, and a bat chained around it to hold the broken pieces together. An odd sensation drops in my gut over the acknowledgment of my old life.
It takes me a moment for me to realize he’s still talking. My mind seems incapable of focusing on one topic for long these days. It’s like I’m noticing everything all at once, and I can’t figure out what’s the most important, so I bounce around all of them. I don’t know if this was normal for James or a new development due to being the host of a reanimated corpse.
I tune back in just in time to hear him say, “This is your life now. Don’t let someone else’s choices hold you back from whatyouwant.”
He looks at Callie again, and I wonder if he’s talking about me or himself. However, the thought passes quickly, as I’m immediately distracted by Callie’s high kick into the punching bag. There are two more quick thumps, as she follows it up with a waist-high and low kick. Connor holds the bag to keep it from swinging and grunts each time she makes contact. She does the three kicks over and over again, releasing clipped “hup” sounds with each thwack, while Donovan gives instruction and encouragement.
No longer dressed in the jeans and sweater she arrived in, her teal leggings and matching sports bra hug every curve of her body, leaving little to the imagination. My mouth goes dry watching the muscles in her legs flex with each motion, and I can feel myself growing hard.Damn it, not now!Everyone is going to see in these stupid shorts. Having a body is nice, but I don’t miss the random boners all the time. Stuffing my hands into my pockets, I attempt to adjust myself in what I hope isn’t an obvious way.
“She appears to be progressing well,” Kaleb comments to no one in particular—also with his hands in his pockets.
Ha! I’m not the only perv.
“That’s… good,” Nolan adds absentmindedly, gripping his sides with his crossed arms. This time his expression is open and raw, and I see a heated longing so potent in his pale blue eyes that I feel like some type of interloper in what should be a private moment.Just friends my ass.
My heart thuds with loud, heavy beats, observing each of the guys as they watch Callie. Donovan is more patient. Connor is more talkative. Kaleb shows signs that there’s a normal teenager inside trying to break free through the cracks of his well-behaved mask. And Nolan… He’s never looked at a girl the way he looks at her. Like there’s a war inside him, and he isn’t sure he knows what side he wants to win. A fist of fear grips my chest, making it hard to breathe, as a troubling realization hits me. I knew Callie liked all the guys, the sex dream gavethataway. What I didn’t know was that each of them returned her feelings and more. All five of us are in love with the same girl!
Old me would be scared off by this revelation, sure that there was no way someone would choose me with the others as an option. New me, however, is running around in a baseball star’s body and ready to fight for Callie. I’ve been through too much not to tell her how I feel.
Filled with renewed determination, I smack both Kaleb and Nolan on their shoulders. “Let’s workout.”
