Nolan pulls away from me, guilt replacing whatever lust might have been there only moments ago, and I quickly grip the edge of the workbench to keep from collapsing onto the floor. He escapes back to his car, staring into the array of twisted metal bits so he doesn’t have to meet my gaze.
Anger replaces lust, and the question repeats sharper than the first time. “What’s the problem? After telling me you want me, in somewhat graphic detail, why does it feel like this is the part where you turn me down?”
“Callie…” He says my name like it causes him physical pain.
Instantly, I feel like I’ve been dumped into ice water, and it hurts. Everything hurts. “Don’t ‘Callie’ me. Look me in the eye and tell me why you want me but not enough to date me.”
He does what I ask, turning around so I can see his face, and the truth is written all over him. The hard set of his jaw, the hollow, wounded look in his eyes, and the way his hands clench at his sides. They all say the same thing. He cares about me. He might actually love me back, but…
“You’re afraid of me!” I gasp like a wounded animal, and the fragile, broken pieces of me he glued back together are now shattered and ripping me apart.
“Not you specifically…” He trails off.
My bitter laugh fills the room. “Right, you’re not afraid ofme, just of what I am. Of my magic.”
“There’s more to it than that, and the way I feel isn’t your fault.” He tries to comfort me, but it falls flat. “I told you there’s something wrong with me. I’m a selfish, hypocritical bastard who takes advantage of your power even though it scares me. You brought Felix back from the dead, and I’m grateful.”
“But the fact that I have the power to do it makes you afraid of me,” I finish for him. The irony is, as my emotions swirl within me,I’mafraid that my magic is making my feelings known elsewhere in the form of some looming storm on the horizon. I don’t feel it, but since my magic was freed, the well inside me seems practically bottomless, let alone what is possible to collect into the family stone hanging from my neck. For me, at times, magic is as easy to wield as breathing.
“You can charm objects that control people’s thoughts and desires better than my parents can charm people in person. You can decimate an entire house and then grow a desert garden on top of it like it wasn’t even there,” he reasons, the facts pouring out of him shaky and sad. “You can bring someone back from the dead with your magicalone. What you’re capable of doing is incredible, and as a friend, I can support you. But as your boyfriend, as your lover, I’m worried how feelings I can’t control could hurt you… hurt us.”
“It’s not like you hid your feelings about magic.” I sigh, pulling on my coat sleeves to hide my trembling hands. “It was arrogant of me to think I would be the exception. Turns out love doesn’t conquer all.”
“Youarethe exception,” he insists, then in a bout of frustrated anger, he kicks the tire of the car he’s working on—except he misses and hits the fender, the tennis shoe he’s wearing doing little to protect his toe. Wincing and even angrier, he hops on one foot, muttering, “God damn it, son of a bitch.”
I rush over to him, my hands hovering in front of me, unsure what to do. “Are you okay?”
“No,” he grunts, looking like he’s about to take a crowbar to the car he’s supposed to be restoring. “I’m not okay. I hate the way I feel. I hate that it’s hurting you. I hate Gina for what she did to me. I hate myself for not getting the fuck over it. I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired, and I can’t make it stop!”
Nolan drops to his knees, and the hard slam of bone hitting cement causes me to wince. I sit down next to him, the cold of the floor seeping through my tights, and I open my arms. He hesitates for a moment before leaning into me, his face pressed to my neck.
“I’m sorry,” he weeps, his tears hot against my skin. “I’m sorry I’m so fucked up. I’m sorry I dragged you into my shit. I should have been better… be better, but I’m not. Fuck, look at me. I just told you I can’t go out with you, but here I am, holding onto you like the user bastard that I am.”
“We’re still friends, right?” I reply, sliding my hands up and down his back in what I hope is a soothing motion.
“Yes,” he answers emphatically, reaching up to turn my face toward him. Shifting his head so that it leans more on the car door, he stares into my eyes with unnerving intensity. “I will always be your friend. Callie, I need you to believe me when I tell you there isnothingwrong with you. The way I feel is my problem, not yours. This fucked up thing inside me has nothing to do with you.” There’s a twisted mania coloring his features as he gently runs his fingers through my hair. “You’re perfect, okay? You’re perfect just the way you are.”
“Okay,” I murmur, unsure what else to say because there’s something very wrong that has nothing to do with our conversation.
Cold skin. Gaunt features. Mood swings. Shit, he needs blood now!It doesn’t make sense how far gone he is considering it wasn’t that long ago that he last fed from me, but it’s obvious that he is. Of course I figure this out after we just agreed that he shouldn’t feed from me anymore.
Bracing myself, I put what I hope is a warm smile on my face, and while my left hand cups the back of his head to gently encourage him to lean on my shoulder, I murmur, “Friends comfort each other. It wasn’t too long ago you told me you’d carry me through the rain until your feet fell off if it made me feel better.”
Nolan releases a wet chuckle as he once again presses his face to my neck. I half expect him to bite me despite everything, but instead, he shudders in my arms, his much larger body contorted in awkward angles so he can wrap his arms around me.
“I should have kissed you that night,” he murmurs, nuzzling my neck and causing happy tingles to radiate throughout my body. “Not kissing you was the right thing to do, but I always regretted that I didn’t.”
“You did kiss me,” I reply breathlessly while digging out my phone from my pocket. Without him noticing, I quickly text Donovan, “Nolan needs you ASAP,” and then tuck it back away. Or at least I’m pretty sure I texted Donovan since I did it all without looking.
“Not the way I wanted to,” he counters in a low voice, his lips brushing against my heated skin. “You smell nice, by the way.”
“Thanks. Tried some new stuff for my hair,” I wheeze, floundering on what to do with myself. It’s way too easy for Nolan to unravel me. A few words whispered against my skin, and I’m a lusty puddle on the floor.
The music does nothing to fill the silence, and as I desperately wait for Donovan’s help, it takes no more than five minutes until words start to fall out of my mouth before my brain can stop them.
“You’re not wrong to be scared of me,” I babble in a way too casual manner because I’m too worried about the fact that I have a starving vampire in my arms to think straight. “I’m scared of myself sometimes too. More than sometimes, actually. Being an avatar to the goddess of the mortal realm, gifted with her vast powers, and knowing my ancestors literally created shifters is a bit much, you know? Now I have to wonder if every amber-eyed shifter that follows me around does it because they want to or because the Call makes them. Granted, according to Rand, he follows me around because I’m the alpha’s mate and it’s his job to guard me when the alpha can’t. Ireallydon’t know what to do with that.” Releasing a snort of derision, I shake my head side to side. “Rand is nice and I’m sure very capable, but out of the two of us, I’m far more likely to protect him than the other way around. Granted, I’m more than Connor’s mate, right? I’m the witch literally blood sworn to protect the pack, not some damsel needing protection.”
While my word vomit of destruction goes on at a steady clip, Nolan grows quieter, his body freezing into place. Even his breaths are no more than shallow intakes of air, as if any movement would catch the attention of something dangerous and deadly.Like a blathering teenage super witch who doesn’t know when to keep her mouth shut.
