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“Open the door,” I say.
“It is open,” he replies. “I never locked it.”
I take a breath and swallow it down. Did he know this would happen? Did he plan on telling me all this, knowing I’d leave in the end?
I don’t ask. Right now, that knowledge will only make this decision harder.
Instead, I march toward the door. When I smell his cologne, I pause.
“I won’t stop you,” he says.
“Why now?” I ask.
“Because … I trust you,” he says, swallowing. “And I want you to be happy, even if that means being somewhere else. Even if it means you’ll turn me in. It doesn’t matter anymore. Do what you want to do. Be free.”
His words sound fragile, painful even, but I can’t let it get to me.
“Thank you,” I reply, unsure of what to say or even how to feel.
He never even considered letting me out before. But I guess some things are too hard to take, even for him. He knows this final admission broke me.
But I won’t let his trust be in vain. I owe him that much for finally telling me the truth.
He doesn’t block my way as he stands in the hallway. I pass him without saying goodbye.
How could one ever say goodbye after learning all that?
Impossible.
So I strut out the door with my head held high, feeling the overwhelming weight of the outside world on my shoulders, but I relent.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Accompanying Song: “Goodbye” by Apparat
Syrena
A few weeks later
“You left a spot here,” Roy says, clenching his teeth. “I give you a place to sleep and work after you disappeared on me for months, and this is how you do your job?”
He chucks the towel at my face.
“Sorry,” I say, grabbing it and quickly dabbing the table again.
“Don’t do it again,” he grumbles as he shuffles off.
I’m trying my best not to throw the towel right back at him, but I have to keep my composure. Roy’s club is the only place with a decent room for me. None of the motels would take me without a credit card, and some even threatened to call the cops on me. So what else was I supposed to do but come right back to the only place I know that will accept me?
I just have to ignore the constant moaning of the girls fucking the customers in the back of the club as I clean the tables and throw away the dirty water from my bucket.
When I’m finally done cleaning, I go upstairs for a little bit to have lunch. Roy gives me a small paycheck off which I can at least survive. It’s not much, but it’s something.
Still, sitting here on my bed, slurping up noodles from a cup, I can’t help but think back to the warm bed and comfortable home I lived in for what felt like an eternity. I choke up a little and cough as tears spring to my eyes.
Even though it didn’t last long, it was the most illuminating time in my life.
And maybe even … the best I’ve ever had. Just remembering Chase’s food makes my mouth water as I pretend he made these noodles.
Goddammit, I really have to stop doing this every time I eat.
Or shower.
Or lie in bed.
But for some reason, my mind can’t stop drifting off to that man who consumed my every waking thought. Who gave me all the riches in the world and never wanted anything in return except love. Whose only weakness was his lust for power … and his need to kill those who stood in the way.
A shiver runs up and down my spine, and I sniff to stop myself from crying. I can’t. Not over him. It’s because of him that I lost a shot at a proper life. If he hadn’t let my mom escape, if he hadn’t let her run back to Graham—my fucking father—she would’ve been alive to take care of me.
She would’ve done anything to protect me. To nurture me. To help me. Right?
That’s what I keep telling myself, but then why did she leave me with him? I was only a little baby. And just to go back to that … monster?
I throw the empty cup of noodles into the corner of my room and huddle on my bed with my blanket wrapped firmly around me. I can’t believe that sick bastard, Graham, is really my father.
I refuse to even call him that.
Did he know when he took me from this very club that I was his daughter?
Or was it all a fluke? A random chance meeting?
Was I just some blind girl without a past he could easily lock up and use?
I shake my head. I’ll never know the answers—not until I talk to him, and that’s never going to happen because I’m never, ever going back to the compound.
