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I just have to figure out a way to contact Ella and Cage. Maybe if I save enough money, I can hire someone to get them out of there. If I can ever even figure out where the hell the compound is.
God, I don’t think I’ve ever hated being blind more than today.
“Syrena? Get your ass down here. The customers need more drinks!” Roy shouts, banging on the door.
I sigh and get out from my curled-up ball. I’m not ready to face the noise downstairs, the clapping and whistling customers, the loud music, Roy’s yelling.
But I go anyway.
I go because I must.
Because this is the life I chose.
The freedom I so desperately wanted.
Accompanying Song: “A Quiet Life” by Teho Teardo & Blixa Bargeld
Chase
A few days later
As I sit on the stool and stare at the dark wall ahead of me, I fade away into oblivion.
I don’t think I’ve ever gotten so drunk before that I don’t even know what I’m doing, but I don’t care. Alcohol is the only thing that’ll drown out her voice. Her whispers. Her touch.
But fuck me … I can’t stop thinking about her.
She’s probably at Roy’s right now, working her ass off for a meager paycheck. That fucker can’t see what she’s worth, doesn’t know what he has.
What if he hits her again?
Just the thought makes my blood boil.
I should go there and get her, but I know she’d hate me for it, which is the last thing I want. I’m going against every fiber of my being by not helping her. I didn’t even give her cash so she could stay at a better place than Roy’s, but I know she’ll never accept it. Not even when I forced it on her. She’d just chuck it back in my face.
She doesn’t want me anymore. Or anything that has to do with me.
I take another sip and stare wistfully at the people around me, wondering if they’re here for the very same reason I am. If they’re drowning in a hell of their own making too. If one of them is a delinquent … because if so, I might kill that one later.
I really need a fix right now.
Anything to get rid of this rage flowing through my veins.
Fuck, I should’ve killed Graham when I had the chance.
Way back when … when I first got my hands on her mother. I should’ve finished the job then. But no, I actually wanted to let him continue, so I could catch more of the guys who continuously went to him to get their fix. I wanted all of them to die so badly that I exchanged my own morals for the sake of hunting them down. I’m just as evil as they are.
Fuck, I need more to drink.
I slurp up the whiskey and slam down my glass onto the bar. “Another one.”
Suddenly, someone sits down beside me and holds his hand over my glass. “Enough.” I look up into Brandon’s familiar face. “Don’t you think?”
“Oh … it’s you again,” I say.
“Hello to you too,” he says, laughing. “You look like a mess.”
“Thanks, so do you.”
“Hey, you invited me here, remember?”
“Did I?” I narrow my eyes. “Can’t remember.”
He nods. “Figured.” He signals the bartender. “Two waters, please.”
“Water?” I scoff. “What kind of pussy are you?”
“The pussy who helps his friend when he’s obviously in need.”
“Tsk …” I grumble, looking away. “I don’t need any help.”
“Right.” He slides one of the glasses filled with water toward me. “Drink up. Might make you feel better.”
Reluctantly, I take a big gulp, but it doesn’t do it for me.
“What are you doing here?” he asks after a while.
“What does it look like?” I glance his way.
“Like you’re trying to kill yourself.”
I shrug. “Not sure if that’s so bad.”
“No.” He grabs my shoulders and forces me to turn around. “But the you I know would never say this.”
“Maybe the world is better off without me. Don’t you think?”
He raises a brow. “What’s gotten into you?”
“Nothing,” I reply, completely blanking out. “Have another name on the list? I could do with a hit.”
“Stop,” he says, briefly placing a hand on my shoulder. “That’s enough.”
“Why?” I frown.
“Because you’re clearly miserable. Why?”
“Because she’s gone, that’s why.” I turn my head so I don’t have to see the obnoxious look on his face. I know he thinks I’m a sad, pathetic asshole, and he’s right. But I don’t need confirmation of that right now. I know exactly who I am and what I’ve done.
“What, did she escape?” he scoffs.
I let out a sigh and put down my glass. “I let her go.”
There’s an uncomfortable silence, and for a second, I think he might’ve run off.
“What? For real?” There’s more shock in his voice than I anticipated.
I nod, and he pats me on the back. “Well done.”
I gaze his way. “I told her everything.”
