That Paxton died a long time ago. This is who I am now, who I’ve been striving to be for years.After all the years in college, then playing every seedy bar and nightclub I could find, I was on the verge of attaining my dreams.
Yet now, everything felt hollow. The only thing that had felt good and real had been when I had seen Terri standing in that crowd, as if I’d been following a long highway through the night and suddenly, a fork in the road had appeared, one side lit with the sun, the other dark with only the moon offering a faint glow.
I stared at the pills, then slowly reached toward the top of the bag, sliding a finger in until I pulled out a tiny circle of white. Before I had time to change my mind, I threw it in my mouth and gulped the running water from the faucet.
Just this once. I need to calm this dark, hungry thing lurking inside my soul before I meet with CC. I don’t want her to see the mess I am inside.
Turning off the sink faucet, I started the shower and stripped, my mind turning to tonight’s visit with Terri.
Chapter thirty
Terri Kingston
ThecarbouncedasI hit a pothole on the country road leading through the scrubby desert on the outskirts of Mesa Palms.
“Jesus, where the hell are we?” Lana clutched the grab bar above her head. “This place looks like a setup for a slasher film.”
In the distance, past the line of purple mountains, the sun marched downward, the rays shooting fiery orange and searing yellows into the darkening sky.
“I dunno. Maybe this is a bad idea.” Letting off the gas pedal, I craned my neck to see over a gentle slope.
Against a barbed wire fence rested a badly painted sign, showing an index finger pointing to my left and blocky red letters announcingColonel Stover’s Magical and Mystifying Circus lies yonder.
“A circus?” Lana squealed, her eyes shining as she read it.
A laugh burst out of me. “Why am I not surprised?” Shaking my head gently, I twisted the wheel onto the narrow trail, giving silent thanks for the SUV’s superb handling of the jouncing potholes.
Dust thrown up from the tires lent a hazy atmosphere to the air.
As I pressed farther ahead and crested the small hill, an enormous red and black striped tent broke over the horizon. I drove closer. Smaller structures, like food trailers and game booths, lined either side of the walking path leading to the Big Top.
Cones appeared off the lane along with arrow signs directing customers to a smooth sandstone area. A worker, wearing a neon orange vest and holding glowsticks, waved us to the makeshift parking area where fifty or sixty cars had already been lined up.
“This is actually kind of cool, Terri.” Lana tucked her phone into a side pocket of her purse.
I turned off the motor and unbuckled, sitting back in my seat, scanning the row of cars ahead of me.
Twilight settled into night and artificial lights overhead flickered alive, probably due to sensors.
“It’s something, I guess” I grumbled, still not sure how I felt about driving out in the middle of nowhere to meet a guy who broke my heart twelve years ago.
What does that say about me?It said I’d do anything for closure. Zipping that small voice into a bag, I stuffed it away, not wanting to analyze my reasoning any further.
A few cars over, parked in the first row roped off from the walkway by rough brown twine, a tall silhouette leaned against the trunk of a car with a cigarette’s tip glowing red.
Lana and I shut the car doors and met at the front of my car. “Not sure if we should wait here for him, or just go in.” I glanced behind us at the rapidly filling parking lot.
“Ladies,” said a deep, smooth voice.
Whipping toward the front, I watched Paxton flick a cigarette to the sandy ground, then grind it with his booted heel.
He was the guy propped against the car smoking.I didn’t know if I was more surprised he’d picked up the bad habit or that I hadn’t recognized him.
It was hard to reconcile this man—with the silver nose ring, a dangling cross earring, and tattoos peeking from nearly every glimpse of bare skin—was the same boy I’d fallen in love with in another life.
“Pax, you have a lot of explaining to do.” Lana stayed in place next to me and crossed her arms over her chest.
“I know.” His eyes met hers, then swung to mine.
