Slowly, Noah nodded. “Yep.”
“Dine and Ditch?” Jeri asked.
“Oh, no. No. Heforgot his wallet.”
That was the end of us. We collapsed into roaring laughter as poor, feckless Noah smirked and chuckled at his own misfortune. The poor guy had been on so many bad dates over the years I’d known him, most of us had told him to write a book about them.
“So what happened?” Jeri asked.
“I hadnotforgotten my card. I paid. Through the ass, I might add, which was why I didn’t want to go on a first date to Per Se. But he went and made reservation and brought the floss.”
I nudged him with my elbow. “How much?”
He canted his head and stared at me. “With or without the glass of Chateau d’Yquem?”
“Holy shit,” Lena exclaimed. “He did not.”
Once again, Noah nodded slowly. “He did.”
“Total bill,” Uriah said, prompting him.
I saw the pain in my friend’s eyes. “Nine hundred fourteen dollars and thirty-three cents.”
Everyone sitting around us whistled.
Uriah leaned forward. “It gets better.”
“Worse, Uri…it getsworse.” Noah let out a long-suffering sigh. “I pay half my rent to get out of this restaurant and get out of this date, right? And we get outside and he asks if I can calland pay foran Uber.”
“No. Way,” Jeri said, calming down enough to interject. “What did you do?”
“I pulled out my wallet, hand him a five and a condom and told him to go get fucked.” He folded his arms.
We all burst out laughing again, and I held up my hand for a high-five. He obliged after a moment and joined in the laughter.
It was only the latest in the long line of poor Noah’s terrible track record with dating. He just couldn’t seem to find the kind of guy he could even get home to bed with, never mind a second date. And if he did get to a second date, it was the disaster the first one had managed to avoid.
“How was Felix after I stopped by?” Jeri asked a few minutes later.
“Just as rude and awful as you can imagine. That guy needs to be slapped off his pedestal, and soon,” I answered. “Most of the time, the other gay guys I meet are supportive and there’s no competition. He’s just terrible. He’s a total mean girl.”
“Just remember that on Wednesday, he wears pink.” Jeri giggled.
“Yeah, a pink thong.” I sighed.
Jeri looked terrified. “You’re kidding.”
“Oh, no, I’m not. I’ve seen him when he comes back from a lunch time shopping trip to wherever he gets that shit from uptown.”
“Oh, that was more than I needed to know…” She grabbed her beer and took a swig from the glass. “So, do you need me and Dan to come over and help you switch the rooms this weekend?”
I stared at her, and then slumped in the chair. “Damn it. No. I'm not giving up this fight yet. I’m going to see if I can publicly shame him into teaching the dog to hush.”
“You sure?”
“Yes.” I nodded once. “But keep next weekend open.”
MARCUS
