This makes me feel even worse and is another reason why I keep skirting around the truth.
Soraya has told me time and time again that I must be on our girls’ trip. I know how much she wants me there. We have been best friends since primary school when a horrible boy in our class broke her pencil before a spelling test, and I stepped in to offer her one of my scented ones. I am ashamed to admit that before that incident, I had been a bit envious of Soraya when she first turned up at our school. She was so perfect, so pretty and confident. But, when I got to know her, I discovered that she was the most beautiful human on the inside too. Our lives might have turned out differently, but she has never let the wealth she built with her husband go to her head. The only problem is that she likes to go to places that I can’t afford. Like a weekend in Monaco for her birthday. What is wrong with Minehead?
I take a deep breath and finally admit what is holding me back from the offer of this fantastic girls’ holiday. I would hate for Soraya to think that I don’t want to celebrate with her.
‘Look, you know you’re my best friend in the world, but I… I’m sorry, I just don’t have the money for a weekend in Monaco.’
‘You don’t need money! Andrew’s paying for the three of us to go on a girls’ holiday, and one of his clients will put us up.’
Carol is the other invited guest. It’s always been the three of us, ever since Soraya joined me and Carol’s little friendship circle that day of the pencil incident. I wonder if Carol’s aware that Andrew is providing us with such a generous opportunity.
‘Goodness, that’s very kind of him, but I can’t take such a lavish gift. It’s going to cost a fortune.’
‘Listen, it’s my birthday, and that’s my pressie. It’s what I want more than anything else. Just to spend time with you two.’
After Soraya has insisted that she won’t take no for an answer, I ring Carol to see what she thinks of it all.
‘Of course we’re going. Andrew can well afford it. You wouldn’t seriously say no to a free holiday in Monaco, would you? Soraya wants us all to be together and celebrate. That’s her pressie.’
‘I know, but I feel terrible having someone else paying for it.’
I am a proud person and don’t feel comfortable taking anything from Soraya and Andrew, no matter how genuinely kind they are.
‘Stop being silly. How could you not celebrate with Soraya when that’s her birthday wish?’
‘I know.’
‘Well, there we go then. The financial aspect is what it is… Forget about it. We’ll have the best time ever. Anyway, it might be a good chance for you to do some networking. There could be a publisher there for your book, and it’ll be turned into a movie. These places are full of big shots. Ha, you never know.’
‘That’s hilarious. I love your optimism, but even if I bumped into the best publisher in the world, I haven’t even started the book yet.’
‘Well, bring your laptop with you. You never know when inspiration may strike. You can’t miss this chance for us to have a girls’ trip. I mean, we couldn’t celebrate your fortieth because Stella got sick, remember?’
I think back to my fond memories of Stella, my beautiful nineteen-year-old Siamese cat who sadly died the day I signed the divorce papers. They always say bad things come in threes.
‘Yeah, when she had all those fur balls.’
‘Come on, it’s time to have some fun. We’ll have the best holiday ever. I promise,’ says Carol.
I love my two best friends, and it would be wonderful to have a weekend away with them, but when I check my bank account for spending money, I realise that more than anything, I need to think about a new career. Could this trip give me the inspiration I need to do that? One thing I do know is that staring at these four walls in my flat at Swansea Marina certainly isn’t helping right now.
I picture myself floating around the French Riviera with the sun beating down on my skin, dressed in a kaftan, meeting film directors. Even if I am far too old and sensible to believe this could actually happen, my imagination enjoys the daydream for a moment. A weekend with my two best friends celebrating another milestone in our lives is just what I need. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?
Chapter Two
Despite being a fifty-year-old mother, I have never managed to assert any authority over Jasmine and Poppy, no matter how hard I try. If they ask me for money, they get it. If they insist I pick them up from somewhere late at night, I go. The problem with wanting to keep my daughters safe and happy is that sometimes I feel like I have created monsters.
Before they both came back from uni for the Easter break, I couldn’t wait to have them home. Now, as they throw their clothes all over the living room and dirty the kitchen with their pans from boiling penne pasta for breakfast, my nerves are a little frayed. Clearly, my perimenopausal hormones are clashing with their youthful oestrogen levels and I am struggling to stay calm. It makes me realise how much I need a holiday.
Having them home creating chaos means I was kidding myself if I thought I’d have any chance of starting the first chapter of my book. Although, to be fair, maybe that isn’t all on them. Right now, I will take any excuse not to start writing. My creativity is still being held back no matter how hard I try to concentrate. However, there is no way I am getting anything done with the noise levels these two are making and so I decide to use them being here to my advantage. I ask the girls about dating to see if they can provide me with any inspiration for my novel.
‘Well, a friend of mine did meet this gorgeous guy on a dating app,’ says Poppy.
‘Okay, and did they have a happy ever after?’ I ask.
‘Oh no, he kept bailing on her, writing her messages over and over saying he was just off to his sister’s birthday party. It was obvs an excuse. I mean, how many birthdays can one person have in three weeks?’
‘What if he had a few sisters and they were all born in the same week?’ I ask.
