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I want him to choose me because I’ve never been chosen before.

But then he swallows and looks down, and that infinitesimal gesture tells me what I need to know.

A sharp pain pierces my chest.

If it feels like this after one night, he could destroy me if we let this continue.

His eyes are sad when he says, “If I were a better man, if things were different—”

“It’s okay. You don’t need to say anything.”

I roll out from under him and silently get dressed.

“Olive, fuck. Please. I need you. Let me think.”

Turning around, I give him a sad smile. “It shouldn’t be a hard decision.”

No. I deserve someone who’d jump at the first opportunity to be with me.

Chapter Thirty-Five

For the past twodays, I cloistered myself in my stateroom, working and teleconferencing with my team back home since our summer marketing campaign was about to kick off. My investigator sent me an update, saying he had some leads on the camera, but it was a cash trail, so it’d take some time to run down.

The cruise is coming to an end. Only Monte Carlo left after our current stop in Tuscany.

Olivia, from what Lana told me, had her schedule full of appointments with passengers after some argument broke out on the Rose floor decks.

Olivia’s words from that morning rolled around in my mind whenever I resurfaced from work.

I want to give her the potential for forever.

But there’s so much shit going on.

Heck, I had two more blackouts—once waking up slumped over a workout bench, freaking out the housekeeper assigned to my stateroom. Another time, I was in the kitchen again, a pot burning on the stove, its contents charred. One of these days, I’m going to hurt myself or someone else.

I called up another neurologist, doctor number twelve, if you count Olivia. I booked an appointment for when I get back to the city.

“I have to say, your symptoms are odd. You said you’ve done MRIs and CTs already and they found nothing? Any changes to your medical history? Anything you left off? Have you done a full psychiatric workup?”

I didn’t answer him. I didn’t want to mention the Velowake or my horrible experience with my last psychiatrist before Olivia. I was ashamed. But now I wonder if I should give psychiatry another chance.

Just tell Olivia the truth. What if Casey’s right? What if she doesn’t leave you? What if she helps you instead?

My ribs tighten and I can’t breathe.

What if shedoesleave me?But she’s going to leave you anyway if you can’t promise her the potential of a forever.

I can’t think straight.

“You didn’t have to do this.”

Bree’s voice draws my attention back to the room. We’re gathered inside the central demonstration kitchen aboard the cruise.

Staff hustle around the brightly lit space, preparing for the cooking class about to start.

“Of course we do!” Lana drapes her hand over Bree’s shoulder. “I’m sorry you have a headache and don’t want to go out. But we leave no man or, in this case, no woman, behind.”

Bree frowns, the orange glow from the sunset outside the windows highlighting the guilt in her eyes. I couldn’t get any more information out of her, and she’s grown more withdrawn the closer we get to Monaco. Elias, the asshole, has been dodging me as well. To say it’s frustrating to have no answers would be an understatement.