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More fists to the back, followed by kicks to his shins.
Pained grunts reach my ears, but he doesn’t let go. Instead, he presses kisses to my hair, my temples. Tears slide down my face.
Everything I’ve been holding onto comes crashing down.
I’m a mess. Not the perfect Olivia Lin. Just a normal girl with her heart broken and her career in the pits.
“That’s not what I meant,” he murmurs, his voice hoarse. “But I deserve it. Your anger. I should’ve protected you better. Casey warned me.My sister warned me. Everyone fucking warned me this would happen, but I was too weak.”
He drops to his knees and hugs my thighs. He looks up. “Don’t you see? I couldn’t stay away from you. I wanted you for myself. You made me feel alive. Loved. Accepted. You were the one addiction I never wanted to get rid of. So I stole you from your safe little nest. I made you take risks you should never have taken. Because I love you, and I’m so damn lucky you love me back.”
My lips tremble as I clutch his face, finding his eyes gathering moisture.
Rex rasps, “I love you, Olivia. I’m sorry for hurting you, for pushing you away. I should’ve known. My Olive would stay and fight with me. We’re better as a team. I shouldn’t have taken the choice away from you, and I regretted it the second you walked out of the hospital room. Can you forgive me? Can you—”
He stutters and gasps, like his lungs can’t draw in enough air. I hold my breath too, because I know whatever he’s going to say will be monumental.
“C-Can you stay? With me? Be with me? I don’t know how we’ll get out of this shithole. I don’t know how to fix myself…if I can even be fixed. I don’t know if I’ll lose my mind and push you away again. But can you stay with me? I can’t live without you.”
His words echo in the small foyer, heavy and ladened with meaning. My heart beats so rapidly, I think it’ll tunnel out of my chest.
I know what I want to say, an impulse stronger than breathing.
But the last few weeks have exhausted me. Mentally and physically.
I deserve more. I deserve more. I deserve more.
I deserve a man who not only loves me, but will do everything he can to protect himself and our future.
The man at my feet isn’t him.
If we’re both broken, clinging onto each other with multiple holes in our raft, we’ll sink and drown.
Releasing a ragged exhale, I step back.
“Stand up. And wait,” I murmur.
I return to my room and print out the report, then I bring it back and hand it to him.
Rex’s eyes widen when he sees the title page. His eyes snap to mine. “What’s this?”
“Things I should’ve noticed. Concluded a long time ago. But, like you, I was haunted by the past and my feelings for you. I missed the signs. Rex,” I step up to him and cup his jaw. His eyes flutter shut.
“You aren’t broken. I think you have an addiction and you’ve been misled by the medical practice, which, unfortunately, happens often. Most doctors don’t receive training to identify C-PTSD and dissociation. It’s fairly recent when it’s gotten more attention, and even then, it still isn’t in DSM-5, the US diagnostic manual. It’s only in the international standards.”
His throat works and nostrils flare. He opens his eyes and whispers, “What are you saying?”
I give him a sad smile. “I don’t think you’re going crazy. I think you need the right help. It’s been long overdue.”
Then I step back again, my fingers tingling from the warmth of his face. A strong urge pistons through me—to run back into his arms and bask in his warmth and need for me.
It’ll be easy.
But it isn’t the right path.
And the new Olivia Lin isn’t afraid to do scary and hard things anymore.
That includes standing up for me.