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WHERE IS SHE? I can’t lose her. No.
“LILY!”
“Right here, Daddy,” she says from my right, strolling from around a huge red alder tree without a care in the world, the purple toy under her arm.
I grip her shoulders and check her for damage. “What happened?”
“I slipped down the slope,” she replies, smiling, eyes shining with innocence and happiness. “But I’m okay, Mommy saved me.”
She has fantasized about her mother before, of course she has. She’s a little girl with only my aunts, and Mackenzie, Lilith’s sort of frenemy who stepped up to help after she found out about Lily.
I don’t know what I would have done without her to be honest. She’s been a constant, despite her busy life and crazy journalism job. I always thought she’d be a detective.
Lily is always obsessing over her mother and asking about her, and a few times she has claimed to see her. Usually on her birthdays.
It’s all wishful thinking of course.
“Did she?” I ask, raising my brow.
“Yeah,” she implores, nodding her head excitedly. “She told me to be more careful.”
“Well then, she’s very smart.”
“And beautiful.”
I laugh and pinch her nose. “The most beautiful woman in the world.”
She catches my humor and scowls at me. “You don’t believe me.”
I cup her cheek and smooth away her frown with my thumb. My hand is so big compared to her perfect little head. “I believe that you love your mommy so much, that you want to see her wherever you are.”
“She knew you wouldn’t believe me too, she said all you have to do is howl and she’ll howl back.”
I chuckle nervously, because that’s a bit eerie.
We still do the howl like I did as a teen, but it’s rare, and it’s mostly just something my family shares with Lily. She enjoys it.
“She did, she said she’ll howl so you know she’s okay and she’s happy and so you’ll know I’m not telling tales.”
Her imagination is insane. I just hope not as insane as her mother’s.
That was a joke Lilith definitely would have found funny.
“Come on.” I pick her up and prop her on my hip and we exit the trees in silence.
We get to my little cabin, the one Lilith and I were supposed to have, and I push open the heavy door then place my daughter on her feet.
I turn back to look at the trees, so thick and beautiful and peaceful.
Then, on a whim, and because why not? I cup my hands to my mouth, tilt my head back, and howl loud and long at the setting sun. Lily joins in, her little voice not carrying as far as mine, but it still lingers in the following echoes.
She giggles and holds my hand when I let it drop and I wait forever, watching the sun set for a few minutes, eyes scanning the trees, hoping she’ll maybe come back to me.
Nothing comes back to us, not a sound, not a shuffle, not a whisper, so with sadness we turn to go inside.
But then…
It happens.
Something howls back. A long, high note. It sounds just like Lilith. Exactly how I remember. Or maybe now I’m the one with the insane imagination.
It makes me feel emotional, even now after all these years I still wish she could be by my side.
“See, Daddy?” Lily asks, tugging on my hand and grinning with excitement and wonder. “That means she’s safe and happy.”
With tears blurring my eyes, I pick my daughter up and hug her tight. “It sure does, Lily-bug.”
I close the door behind us, saying goodbye for the last time.
