And this would destroy his already fragile marriage. What a way for a marriage to begin! To his knowledge, even his father, despite his dissolute ways before he’d married Mama, had no bastards.
“I’m sorry!” she whispered, choking on another sob.
“What do you have to be sorry for? This is not your fault, or at least no more than mine.” He rose and paced to the hearth, recalling his joy at the notion of Sarah being pregnant and the contrast with how he felt about this.But that isn’t the child’s fault. I will love it, whatever it is, boy or girl, and do my best to ensure it has everything life could offer a baseborn child of mine.
He recalled his father’s joy at each birth of his siblings, in particular the girls. He had been a bit young to remember the boys’ births, but he remembered Ava’s especially. And Heather’s. He had been away at school for Ingrid’s.
“I can’t do it!” Madeleine’s anguished cry broke through his thoughts and jerked him back to the present. Returning to her side, he crouched down before her as she wept into her hands.
“Can’t do what?” He felt helpless and empty inside. Madeleine needed comfort, and he had so little to give. She had carried this burden for months alone.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” she sobbed.
Alarmed at the edge of hysteria on her voice, he tried to pull her hands away from her face. “Madeleine, what—?”
“I lied!” Her red eyed, tear streaked, and blotched face screwed up in anguish. “I’m sorry! It’s not yours.” She closed her eyes and dropped her head in shame.
He blinked at her, trying to fathom what she was saying.
He rose and paced away from her. “Who?”
“The Earl of Lannister!” she sobbed.
Lannister? Lannister?Incandescent fury erupted under his ribs. He clenched his fists and turned back to her.
“And that cur refused to help you? That is why you turned to me?” He was panting, he realized vaguely, his heart thudding violently.
She shook her head, a black curl shaking loose from her coiffure and falling down her neck. “I know he has no money. I didn’t tell him.”
“You thought you could get more from me?” His voice was raw.
“I wanted you back!” she cried. “But it was wrong, and I c-can’t do it! I’m so sorry!”
“Tell me everything—when, where, how. Damn it, do you realize how much damage this has done to my marriage?”
She sobbed some more and then began to speak haltingly. “It was in February. I-I had been moping and miserable since you’d ended things. I decided I needed to—get on with my life. Needed something to help me get o-over you!” She gasped and wiped her face, sniffed and blew her nose.
“Did he approach you?”Has Lannister always hated me, targeted those around me, without me realizing it?
“No, not exactly. I don’t think he knew who I was at the time. I certainly didn’t know who he was. It was a masked ball, one of those public ones.”
He nodded slowly. “So, you met by chance?”
She nodded.
“Was it only the once?”
“Yes, we exchanged first names but nothing more. He told me his name was Rey, I was pretty certain he was a peer, but I didn’t work it out until—until I met him on the road back to London.”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“On my way back from Leicestershire, from—from your estate, I met him at Swinford. It was only then we recognized each other.”
“And you didn’t tell him then? Why the hell not?” His voice rose a little.
She shook her head, pleating her skirts. “I made a split-second decision to continue the subterfuge. As I said, I wanted you, not him. I knew he didn’t have your resources, or your”—she swallowed—“kindness.”
“What did you say to him?”
