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And when she got back to her mouth, she kissed the center of his palm before moving it to her throat.
He closed his eyes for a moment and remembered that bruise on her neck when he first found her. Where someone had squeezed her neck so hard it left a mark.
Even though it was now gone, he’d never forget it.
He brushed his thumb back and forth over her pulse. She said his heart was strong, but so was hers, and her neck was delicate as he stroked it. So easily crushed if someone wanted this woman to stop breathing.
Her hand remained pressed to his as he slid it down to the collar of his shirt she wore.
He was rock hard and knew this would never lead to sex but he wanted to touch her everywhere. He wanted to feel the warmth of her skin against him.
He cleared the rough from his throat to ask, “Want me to touch you?”
“Yes.”
“Where?”
Her breath caught. When she pushed herself up, she said, “Help me,” as she reached for the hem of his tee.
“Red. Again, not sure this is smart.” No, he was fucking sure it wasn’t.
“I trust you.”
But I don’t fuckin’ trust myself! screamed through his head.
She struggled to pull the shirt off but got it done without his help and tossed it to the floor. As she reached for the panties, he grabbed her hand. “No. Jesus fuck, no. Just don’t...”
She left them on and laid back down, once again facing him.
He was being tested and he was afraid he was going to fail.
And if he failed, that meant he failed her.
He studied her silhouette in the dark and just breathed.
He might not be able to only do what she wanted. It might just break him.
It might take that last thread of his sanity and snap it.
But before he even attempted to do what she asked, he needed to know...
He needed to know how long ago they touched her last, the last time they hurt her, the last time they “bred” her.
He needed to know how fresh any and all of that was in her mind.
He wasn’t sure how to ask it without taking her back to that place, without accidentally pushing her back into the thinking that the baby was just a seed someone planted inside her.
“Red, need to know what I’m dealin’ with here. Tryin’ to be careful. And not...”
“You don’t have to.”
Christ, it killed him when she gave up what she wanted too easily. He had seen flashes of her where she was a fighter. As fiery as her hair. But when she became submissive like that, it tore at him. Someone had done their best to beat that fight out of her.
“That ain’t it, baby. I wanna. Fuck, how I wanna. But... But I’m fuckin’ scared, Red. I’m fuckin’ scared. Don’t wanna do the wrong thing. Say the wrong thing. Break you more than you already are.”
“You won’t. It’s just a touch. That’s all.”
That wasn’t all. That wasn’t fucking it at all.
“I’ll be okay,” she assured him.
“You tell me if...”
“Yes.”
“Holdin’ you to that, baby. Just fuckin’ say the word and I’ll stop.”
She said nothing but grabbed his hand and placed it on her chest, above her tit and over her heart. “Okay.”
Okay.
Okay, he could do this.
His dick was throbbing, his heart was pounding. His mind was a goddamn tangled mess. But okay, yeah, he could do this.
He told her she could have whatever she wanted. And this was what she wanted.
A touch without pain.
A touch without worry.
A touch she could trust.
She wanted him to be that touch.
It might be the hardest motherfucking thing he did in his life. To touch her, to lay by her side and not to take her like he wanted to.
He was goddamn insane, that was what he was.
Because what Red wanted, he would make sure she got.
Chapter Fourteen
Autumn was surprised by the tremble of his fingers as his hand swept over her chest.
He was struggling. Struggling to remain gentle. Struggling to keep it just to a touch. She realized how hard it was for him. And she appreciated him all the more for trying.
But she needed this.
Oh, did she need this.
And she did trust him. Even if he didn’t think she should.
His fingers were warm and long, but the pads rough, as he explored her face again, then her bare shoulders, her arms, skipping everything below her breasts.
But she wanted him to touch her everywhere. That touch reminded her of what she could have again in the future.
A man in her life. A lover who appreciated her and didn’t hurt her.
A man who could fall in love with her, not simply use her as breeding stock. She was way more than a container to grow their seeds.
She refused to be reduced to that.
Tonight, she just needed that reminder. She just needed that connection. Even if it was only for a little while.
