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Good remained in the world. It hadn’t all disappeared in the months she was in that compound on that mountain. She could find it again. She simply needed to look for it once she made sure this baby was safe and cared for. Protected and loved.
She could start over and find herself once again after the baby was born. She’d disappear, let Sig get back to his life instead of being saddled with a woman who was pregnant from someone else.
Sig shifting to his knees jerked her out of her thoughts and the relaxed zone she had fallen into.
She didn’t know why she felt so safe with him. This tattooed biker who belonged to an MC. The party had been a bit wild. And while there had been some drugs and drinking, there had been no fighting or any violence. And, from what she could see, the women all encouraged the men when it came to the sex. Nobody was there against their will and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves.
And if that was how they wanted to live their lives, who was she to judge?
None of it had bothered her.
Not until Sig approached that woman Billie.
She had studied their body language since she couldn’t hear their words.
She also noticed the change when the other man had approached them, putting his arm around Billie in a way which spoke volumes. Billie was his and Sig was to back off.
When Sig had stormed out, she had wanted to follow. But Stella stopped her and had Shady take her back upstairs, locking the door behind him. Once again, locking her in.
For her safety.
The whole time she had worried about Sig and couldn’t fall asleep until he returned.
But now, he was on his knees at her feet, rubbing them and running his hands up her calves, not going any higher than her knees. She groaned when he massaged her feet again for a few minutes and almost whimpered in protest when he stopped.
He moved to straddle her knees and he lightly touched her tight belly on both sides.
“Okay?”
“Yes,” she whispered.
He touched every inch of her stomach—where it housed a baby she couldn’t think of as her own—stopping right before he’d get to her aching breasts, her pebbled nipples.
This wasn’t supposed to be sexual, just simply touch.
A human connection.
“Red...”
She raised her gaze to him as he towered over her. “Yes.”
“Not sure how long I can do this.”
“You can stop if you need to.”
“Don’t wanna stop,” his voice cracked, “that’s the problem.”
She didn’t want him to stop, either. But his fear was also hers. Even though it had been at least six months since Vernon last touched her in that way, she didn’t trust her brain to separate what Sig wanted to do with what Vernon had done.
She didn’t want to go backward when she was already moving forward. She didn’t want Sig to feel guilty if he caused a reaction he really wouldn’t be the cause of. It would be her memory, not his actions. She didn’t want him to be hurt by her rejecting him if she needed him to stop.
Because she had no doubt he would stop if she asked.
Even so, she still needed his touch. It was another step forward.
And it gave her some hope that she’d find the woman she used to be.
“You want to have sex with me?” She found that hard to believe, not in the condition she was in, not after what she’d been through. Who would find any of that attractive?
“Baby, hard as a rock right now. I was before I even started touchin’ you. That’s a pretty fuckin’ clear answer to your question.”
“I don’t understand why.”
“Remember when you said you see me?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I see you, Red. The second you took my hand at the bottom of that fuckin’ mountain, I saw you. You’re a fuckin’ fighter. You weren’t givin’ up until you were free in one way or another. That right there, baby, is sexy as fuck. Right now, I can only guess what fuckin’ happened, but you didn’t let it break you completely. You did what you needed to do to survive. Just like I do. I do what I need to do to get to the next day and the next. You did what you needed to do ‘til you got that chance to run. No matter what the fuck they did to you, you didn’t give the fuck up. You gave them the goddamn finger is what you did. By givin’ this kid up to the Brysons, and not lettin’ those motherfuckers have it, you’ll be doin’ it again. By livin’ a goddamn good life after this kid’s born, you’re givin’ it to them a third time. That right there turns me the fuck on. Everythin’ about you is sexy, Red. Every goddamn thing. You’re a fighter but you also got moments where you’re vulnerable. We all are. Every fuckin’ one of us. Some of us just try to hide it.”
