“I wasn’t sure I would until the day of,” she admits. “But I thought… if you were there, I didn’t want you to be alone.”
“He told me not to come,” I tell her. “That’s why I wasn’t there. He didn’t want me there.”
Another pause. A slow exhale. “Oh, Mia.”
“I should’ve known better. Should’ve fought my feelings harder. Given him more time to get over his divorce. I had no business inserting myself into his life the way I did.”
“Mia,” she says with that edge only a mother’s voice can have. “Stop it. You didn’t insert yourself into anything. He was the one who came to get you in Dallas. He was the one who asked you to start touring with him. All you did was love him, darling. You can’t fault yourself for that.”
“But maybe I loved him too much,” I murmur. “Maybe I made him my whole world when I wasn’t his.”
“No,” she says, gently now. “You made room for him in your world. There’s a difference.”
I blink hard, my throat tightening.
“You didn’t chase him, Mia. You showed up. Again and again. Even when it was hard. Even when it cost you something. You didn’t have to see him through all those shows he couldn’t make it through. But you did it because you loved him.”
“Then why did he let me go like I was nothing?” I cry. “Like it didn’t even hurt?”
“Grief doesn’t make people rational, darling. It makes them shut down—makes them push people away before they can be the ones who leave.”
“I told him I wasn’t going anywhere, Mom,” I say. “I told him so many times.”
“And he didn’t believe you,” she says. “Not because of anything you did. Somewhere deep inside, he still doesn’t believe anyone will stay.”
My hand covers my mouth to quiet my sobs as fresh tears spill down my cheeks.
“You gave him something he didn’t know he was allowed to have. You gave him unconditional love. When people like Grayson feel that kind of love… it scares the hell out of them. I could see it all over his face at the funeral.”
I swallow hard. “What do I do now?”
“You breathe,” she says. “If he finds his way back to you, you’ll know if it’s worth letting him back in. But it’s your choice, Mia. Not his. Not mine. Not anyone else’s but yours.”
I exhale shakily. “I’m so tired, Mom. I didn’t sign up for this.”
“I know, baby. But sometimes love is a whole lot of things you didn’t sign up for. The good news is, most of the time, there’s a whole lot of good that comes out of it, too.”
There’s another long bout of silence between us. It isn’t heavy this time—just full of understanding.
“I love you, Mom.”
“I love you more, my beautiful girl.”
I end the call, setting the phone down beside me and wiping the remaining tears from my cheeks. My thoughts are still too loud, but the ache in my chest isn’t as sharp anymore.
Just as I’m thinking I’m ready to figure out what comes next—because apparently the universe isn’t done with me yet—my phone lights up again.
Incoming Call:Johanna Harris
There’s a part of me that wants to let it go to voicemail, wants to decide it doesn’t matter what she’s calling to tell me becauseI’m done with putting everyone else before myself. If they need something, they’re just going to have to get on without me.
But there’s another part of me that needs to hear what she has to say—and that’s the part of me who answers the call.
“Johanna?”
“Hey.”
She doesn’t sound like herself. Her voice is quiet—not cold, just… cautious. Like she hadn’t been sure if I’d actually pick up, or what I’d say if I did.
