I laugh bitterly. “Not when you have secrets. Secrets that can get you and everyone you care about killed.”
“Tell me about her,” Alex prods.
“Fine.” I blow out a breath and recount the story of the first time I met Raelyn. “I always thought it strange that it took so long for me to see her again. I remember asking Father when we could go back, and he just went on a rant about how overprotective Lord Astoria is. My stunt taking her out to the garden was not appreciated.”
“You didn’t know about her sun allergy,” Alex says. “You were just a kid.”
“I don’t believe she even has one,” I grumble. “Rae’s father is clearly hiding something, especially with that so-called tonic he was making her drink.”
“Is she doing any better?” Alex asks.
I shrug. “I’ve been avoiding her, as you know, other than the few court appearances we’ve made at luncheons with Father and some of the lords and ladies. We haven’t tried to go outside again, but I believe she is weaning herself off her tonic.”
Alex pours me another drink. “I know you’re not hung up over the girl because of one encounter when you were nine.”
I snort a laugh. “True. But each time I saw her after that, I only liked her more.”
11 YEARS AGO
“I can hardly believe you’re getting married today,” I tease Colin as his valet fusses over his cravat.
“Just doing my duty, little brother,” he says, but there’s a pleased glint in his eyes.
“We haven’t seen Princess Juliana in at least five years,” I muse.
“At least I got to meet her once before our binding ceremony,” Colin says, then he glares at me from where I lounge haphazardly on a brown leather chair. “Get off your ass, Kian. You’re wrinkling your jacket.”
I groan. “Fine.” I walk over to the fancy liquor cart in Colin’s room and sniff at all the bottles. “Do you want something?”
“Pour me a finger of the golden one,” he says.
I don’t completely get what he likes about the stuff, but he keeps telling me I’ll like it eventually too. I’d much rather work on my sword skills, and the fancy liquors just seem to make me tired and lazy, so I usually don’t drink.
After pouring some in a glass for him and deciding to try some myself, I walk over with the tumblers.
“Here’s to your binding,” I say, clinking my glass with his.
“To binding,” he repeats.
I down the liquor and wince at the burn of it. “Damn, Colin. How do you drink this shit?”
Colin winks. “Slowly.”
“Are you feeling nervous?” I ask, even as the soft buzz of alcohol starts to work its way through my system.
“Nah,” he says. “I always knew this was coming. I’ve been betrothed for so long, the idea of wanting something different never even crossed my mind.”
I shake my head, not quite believing him. “I don’t like being told what to do.”
“No shit, Ki. Just be glad Father never arranged one for you. You have time to just live . . . to experiment. See what life is like outside of court.”
There it is. The not-so-hidden longing in his voice. I might have a little more freedom than he does, but so many aspects of our lives were decided for us before we could even speak.
“I think, after losing Mother . . .” I choke. I hate that it still hurts as much as it does. It’s only been two years, but it feels like a lifetime.
Colin places a hand on my shoulder and squeezes gently. “I miss her too. Father hasn’t been the same.”
I nod. Yes, Father has been lost to his grief, but it also derailed all his plans for arranging a marriage for me. He’s held it as a threat over my head for as long as I can remember, but now he just doesn’t care. As long as Colin is married and secures an heir, everything is fine. My life and subsequent marriage don’t matter. Besides, I’m only seventeen. I’m in no rush to settle down.
