CHAPTER SEVEN
Laurel
Okay, so I had a lot that I could cry about and be resentful of.A lotof things. For example, I lived in a crap apartment. I knew I did. And I wasn’t naïve enough to not know who my neighbors were. Or what was going on in the hallway right outside of my door at all hours of the day. I knew and I did my best to keep my head down because I figured that was the smartest move. I hadn’t had any problems so far and I desperately wanted it to stay that way.
I didn’t have a car anymore. That did stink. It made simple things like getting to and from work or going to the grocery store a pain in the butt. That said, it was one less thing for me to worry with. No car meant no gas. And right now, I was trying to cut every corner I could.
Work? Caught that did you?
Yes, I was a working girl now.
Oh, wait! No, not like that. I meant I had a job. Gwen, who I knew was Knight’s woman, was nice enough to get me a job at the coffee shop she worked at. I had a feeling she wouldn’t be working there long. In fact, I got the feeling that when she was done with college and got herself arealjob, she would be gone. It wouldn’t be long, I imagined, seeing as the semester was almost over.
So I was a Barista or whatever. I took orders and had even learned how to use the fancy machine to make those orders.
I actually liked my job. I know, it wasn’t anything grand and impressive. But I did well enough. It didn’t bring me all that much money. It actually was barely enough to live on. That was why my cabinets were currently stocked with those cheap packages of Ramen noodles. The ones that were full of sodium and made me bloat like crazy. I never used all of the seasoning packages that came with them. And sometimes, I was way too lazy to even boil the water. So, I would eat the noodles all crunchy and plain.
That was another thing I could have complained about. But I just kept thinking how proud I was of myself that I was making it on my own.
I may have been the biggest joke in the upper circles of society but I no longer gave a crap.
I learned very quickly that if you didn’t have anything to offer, people would turn their backs on you. The fake ones, anyway.
Which, led me to the real people I had in my life.
Cami introduced me to Chris, who I loved to death. Between the two of them, I always felt loved and cared for. Even if I didn’t always show that I appreciated it.
There were many days that the dark cloud would hang over my head a little too long and I would sort of shut most everyone out. It would take me days to text them back or return their calls. I understood that it was not a very nice thing to do, but I couldn’t help it. The last thing I wanted to do was bring everyone down with me. So I figured it was best to just keep it all to myself. And sometimes, I just wasn’t strong enough to hide it away.
Also, I sometimes didn’t have enough money to buy more minutes for my phone. That was another thing. Now I didn’t have the latest smartphone on the market. I had one of those ones that you bought at the pharmacy and it came all covered in that thick plastic that was a pain to get into. There was no contract, just a number that I called to pay for a certain amount of minutes. Since money was tight, sometimes it would be a week or two before I could get more time.
I wasn’t one to ask for help, so I was just trying to do the best that I could.
Bryan became someone that I had come to expect in my life, though I never knew quite when to expect him. I would say that I saw him more nights than not. Whatever we had going on was ninety percent sex. Which, I wasn’t going to complain about.
A lot of times he would come bringing food of some type. It was almost sweet but I wouldn’t let myself fall into that trap. I knew what it was. We didn’t have a relationship and it wouldn’t ever be one. He wasn’t that kind of guy.
However, there were moments when he came ready for a fight and noticed that things weren’t quite right. He would turn into the sweetest person then. Sometimes going as far as scooping me up in his arms and cuddling on the couch while we watched a movie. I tried to not take his strong arms for granted. He gave more than he took. And maybe he didn’t see it that way, but I did. I didn’t even think he was aware of it.
There were times it made my heart hurt. To have a part of this guy, who was actually really great when he wasn’t being a butthole, but nothing more than that. To know that I would never have the whole Bryan or be able to call him mine. But what could I do except hang on to the little bit that I did have?
Which was why I kept my feelings locked up tight. I feared that one wrong word, one wrong look, would send him running. As long as he thought we were both on the same page, then he would have no reason to change things.
A few months later, I met Ingram. She was Ky’s sister and just the most adorable person I had ever met. She was seventeen, sheltered, and very pregnant. Cami and I often went along with her to her doctor’s appointments.
One time, she asked if I would help her shop for baby things because she didn’t have the first clue on what she needed to get. Of course, I offered to help her. But I sort of clammed up when Ky suggested that Bryan give us a ride.
That was the first time I slipped up and I was pretty sure that he had heard. Ky didn’t miss much and poor Ingram wasn’t used to the whole phone thing. Since she hadn’t covered the speaker, I just knew that Ky had heard everything. Yes, maybe I was being a little brat and asking for anyone but Bryan. But whatever, it wasn’t like I could take it back.
Luckily, Mouse was the one that went along. He surprised me by picking out cute little outfits and even went as far as pulling up some kind of checklist for new parents on his phone.
He was great with Ingram and made her laugh the whole time. It was just the thing she needed because it was clear that she was in over her head. It was obvious that no one had sat her down and told her what she needed and what was to come. And in a way, I could tell that she hadn’t thought much about it either. I think the fact that the clock was running out of time was what made her snap into reality and sent her into almost a panic with how ready she was not.
Then it happened.
A weird feeling as we strolled through the baby department looking at all the crib options. To see them all set up in the middle of the floor with cute, little blankets and pillows decorating them kind of made me pause.
I wasn’t old, but I sure wasn’t getting any younger.
