I wish I was. I could be.
I could be for her.
No, notforher, but because of her.
Regardless, this is not the time, nor the place. And when we have the time, the place will make it impossible.
I stand in the doorway, arms folded across my chest, watching the last of Tabitha's adoring fans fade off into the dark night. It's after midnight. The glow on her face is brighter than any full moon hanging in the sky.
Tabitha is in her element.
She turns and glances toward me. Instantly the light is gone from her face, replaced with a clouded scowl. Fair enough; I deserve that. Without saying a word, she walks away.
I let her go.
It's probably the best thing I can do for her.
She's barely out the door and I miss her already.
"It's only going to go up from here, isn't it?" Josh appears to my left. I glance over and then back at the door Tabitha just exited through.
"I think so, mate. She's a star."
"I still can't believe I get to musically direct her. And she's so fantastic. You think she'd be pretentious and snotty, like Julianna Rickey was. I mean, Julianna's big on Broadway, but did you know that Tabitha once performed with Prince? I can play six degrees of separation forPrince."
"Yes, actually I did know that. It's why her daughter's named Paisley."
Shit. I probably shouldn't have said anything. I don't know if that was a secret, like Paisley's paternity.
"That's the coolest thing ever," Josh gushes. "This whole experience. Daniel Vasquez complimented some of our musical numbers. I mean, Mandy Calhoun and Ben Reynolds actually listened to my idea for a show. They said they wanted to hear a song. Do you think they really mean it?"
I shrug. "I dunno, mate. I don't know them, but ask Tabitha if you should pursue it. She'll be straight with you." She's nothing if not straight.
Sometimes too straight.
Not to mention, she has a real knack for the show biz thing. We went with some of her casting suggestions, and they've all panned out so far. "Maybe run the concept by her? She's got an ear for this kind of stuff."
"Do you think she'd listen?"
I nod. "She's very generous. I think people take advantage of that a lot, but she's got a big heart."
And I broke it.
"I know The Edison is small potatoes compared to what Tabitha's used to, but part of me wishes she wouldn't leave."
You and me both, mate.
Into the wee hours of the morning, I lie in my bed, tossing and turning, waiting for much-needed sleep to descend. It doesn't. Images of Tabitha assault me endlessly: on stage singing, in my arms, as I denied her to Carson Reuben. The last one hurts, because I know how much it hurt her.
How muchIhurt her.
I'd do anything to take that pain away.
Sleep finally claims me, but doesn't stay for long enough to leave me feeling anything but groggy and grumpy.
One of those things is unusual for me. The other is par for the course.
Still, we've a long day ahead of us, working out some kinks from last night. Several marks were missed and some transitions need smoothing. For stepping into the role on short notice, Leslie is doing amazing as Anne, but she's not fully there yet.
