Another thing Tabitha was right about.
I probably should have cast her as Lise inAn American in Paris. If only I hadn't been so worried about her causing drama. I wonder how much trouble there would be if I re-cast her now? We don't start rehearsals onParisfor another four weeks.
I'm going to have to run it by Grayson, obviously. Considering he downgraded Tabitha at the eleventh hour, he may support it.
Seems whether I'm involved or not, drama still follows me, like Pigpen and his cloud of dust. Having Tabitha here, while it certainly has ratcheted up the activity, has not been anything terrible.
Quite the contrary.
She brings an energy with her that makes me feel alive. Mum's energy was always so chaotic that it drained and scared me. I don't feel that with Tabitha. Actually, despite the complications and the risk, I felt … whole.
And now I'm broken once again.
I'm used to being broken. What I can't live with is the fact that I broke her too in the process.
If I couldn't give her me, I'll have to find something else to do to make it up to her.
But what do you give the woman who has everything?
Chapter 41: Tabitha
Icould do this forever.
I mean, I can't, because we only have one day left of shows. Tomorrow's matinee is the last performance. I'm trying to soak in every ounce of tonight's run.
I can't believe I only get to sing this song one more time. At least with the Sassy Cats, I grew tired of the songs before I had to move on from them. I'll never grow tired of this song.
It's the summation of my life.
Never enough.
I glance out, searching for Henderson. The moment I spy him, I tear my gaze away. I can't help but seek him out. I keep telling my brain not to look, but she won't listen.
The only consolation is that he's in as much agony as I am.
Good.
Stupid idiot.
While it's directed at him, it applies to me as well. It wasn't like he lied to me. No, in fact, he was quite up front about not getting involved. Of all the people I decided to open myself up to …
Still, I'm not thinking about Henderson anymore. I'm thinking about me. More specifically, what I'll do when this is done.
What I'm going to do to keep this feeling.
At the end of the show, I find not only Mandy waiting for me, but Angie as well. "Aw, guys! I didn't know you were going to be here!" I pull them both into a tight hug.
"You know I wouldn't miss this," Angie says, her voice muffled into my shoulder. "Hell, you flew out to New York to see me in everything I was in. Why wouldn't I do the same for you?"
"Yeah but …"
"No yeah buts. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. You were so good up there."
"I had to see it again. You were good last week, but even better this week," Mandy gushes.
I hold onto my friends tightly, needing their comfort and support. As good as I feel when I'm on stage, the moment I step off, it all ends.
I didn't feel this way when I thought Henderson and I were a thing—or at least on our way to being a thing. I actually thought my life was falling into place.
