My stomach is in knots, thinking about the hour or two we're going to spend together. Working on music and vocals can be nearly as intimate as dancing together. And even though I'm pretty sure he's not on the same page, I yearn for that intimacy with him again.
In the ten years since we parted, I've never come close to having the feelings I did with Josh. Maybe because we started off as friends. Fast friends. Close friends. It wasn't like I was there for a romantic relationship, though plenty of the campers were.
But for the first time in my life, without the pressures of ballet, I could stay up late, talking into the dark of night while fireflies lit up the sky. I could tell him something between sessions. If we weren't actively running something, there was downtime to just sit and hang out. It wasn't like I was a lead who was in every scene. The dance numbers I was in were easy compared to what I was used to. Josh, being the virtual musical prodigy that he is, didn't need much practice time either.
I take a deep breath before entering the music room, trying to will my hand to stop shaking as it reaches for the door handle.
It's just Josh.
Except it's not Josh. It's Gloria.
"Oh." The disappointment slips out before I can catch myself. See? Not much of an actress.
"Hi to you too. Josh asked me to run this with you today."
"I'm sure he did." I drop my bag to the floor with a little more force than necessary.
"Whoa. What's up?"
"Nothing. I'm fine."
"Fine is the biggest lie. I know that fib. It was my go-to phrase. You're obviously not fine. You wanna talk about it?"
"Nope."
Gloria nods. "All right then. Just remember not to shoot the messenger here."
We run through some warm-ups and then start on my piece.
"Okay, that's sounding much better than the last time we worked on it."
"Yeah, Josh broke it down for me last week. I was hoping for some more of his magic today."
Gloria tilts her head. "For him or his magic?"
I'm pretty sure the only thing I could do to make Josh more upset with me is to air our dirty laundry for everyone here at The Edison. "He's just really good at this music stuff, and it's not my forte," I cover quickly.
I busy myself flipping through the music book. Not including my duet with Levi, I'm in four other numbers as the ensemble. It's a lot of dancing and singing to learn. I do better in the group numbers because it's not on me to carry things vocally. Still, it's not enough to coast.
That stupid "being the best" thing is really a drag sometimes.
This is helpful to work on my music and parts. Gloria is patient and kind, not to mention talented. She's got the type of voice that you just stop and listen to when she's singing. Gloria is also a good teacher, breaking down my parts in ways that are helpful. She almost makes me feel like I can do this.
"Thanks for this. I need all the help I can get," I say, packing up my book. I'm going to need to burn the midnight oil working on my vocals, not to mention my lines. We open in nine days. That's not a lot of time to put together a show of this magnitude.
Hell, I still have to fly across the stage. Multiple times. Without a mat.
Suddenly, the thirty-two fouetté sequence fromSwan Lakedoesn't seem so intimidating. I mean, not that I could do that either. In class, I only ever made it to twenty-eight turns. Once again, so close, but so far away.
"Listen, you're doing great. I know how it seems, but you've got plenty of time."
"We open next Thursday. I'm starting to feel like that scene inDirty Dancingwhen Baby yells at Johnny because he won't show her lifts and then they go to the lake."
Gloria laughs. "I get it. I literally stepped in the week of. I know the pressure. I thought I was going to die, and that's even with the adrenaline pumping. This is like doing a triathlon every day for three weeks."
"And having to have a smile on your face while you do it."
"That's show biz, kid."
