When I recorded something I shouldn’t have. Dammit, I should have deleted it as soon as I finished it. I was never going to post it. I was simply mad at him. At his cavalier attitude about the health of his kidneys. He didn’t know what a trigger that was for me. But I would never post something like that. It’s slimy and gross.
It’s one thing to report sports news and another to spread rumors that could cost someone their career. Prior to today, I never saw myself crossing that line.
Now I’ve crossed it twice in one day.
What am I even doing?
Oh God, he thinks I’m going to put this video out there. He thinks I’m going to tell the world that he’s injured and put doubt in the minds of the National Team staff that he can do his job.
I want to smack myself upside the head. Why would I even think about recording something like that? It was stupid and foolish. But I also wanted to vent and process the emotions I was having. Like writing an email with no intention of sending it.
It’s therapeutic.
He doesn’t know that I was never going to post that video.
I’m sure that doesn’t matter to Callaghan, though. He saw what he saw, and he’s going to think what he wants to think. Obviously, or he wouldn’t have taken off.
Of course, that’s what he does.
He leaves.
At least he’s consistent.
I should have known better. I should have known I wasn’t meant to have this. I wasn’t meant to have this career. I wasn’t meant to find love. I wasn’t meant to havehim.
I wonder whom I pissed off in a former life to be living out this kind of karma.
I must have been very bad.
My phone buzzes, making me jump. I fumble as I flip it over, hoping it’s Callaghan.
It’s not.
Ophelia: Xavier is pissed. I think he has PTSD from all the crapThe Looking Glassput him through before.
As if I didn’t feel like shit enough.
Me: I’ll take care of it.
Ophelia: You’re so sweet, but it’s not your problem. Xavier says it’s the norm, and I’ll get used to it.
Ophelia: Ironic, considering he’s the one all riled up about it.
Ophelia: I had 10 minutes of ClikClak fame, but Xavier’s actually famous.
Ophelia: I mean for sports people.
Ophelia: It’s not a big deal. They didn’t report anything fake. They didn’t even make anything up.
Ophelia: I’m mostly pissed they scooped your story.
I guess I did a good job at remaining anonymous in my videos forThe Looking Glass. The small corner of my jaw and the voice filter was apparently enough.
I officially am the world’s shittiest person.
How do I tell her it was me? She’ll hate me, just like Cally does. And even if she doesn’t hate me, she’ll be mad. I doubt Xavier will forgive me anytime soon. The press did pretty much ruin his career, not once but twice. If Ophelia—with my help—hadn’t saved it, he’d be done for good this time.
Through the tears that refuse to stay in my eyes, I stumble to my room and collapse on my bed. In such a short time, I’ve achieved my dreams only to have them ripped out of my hands moments later.
