Another little girl, even smaller, wriggles out of her mother’s grasp and makes a beeline for her father and sister.
"ELLA, STOP!"Tom yells.It’s too late.She’s jumping in the puddles.
Oh dear Lord.
A very "muddy" Joey finally wrangles Cami and Ella and marches across the yard with them under his arm, straight toward the house.
I can’t believe I didn’t record that.It would go viral almost instantaneously.I mean, I couldn’t whip out my phone because I barely know these people, and that would be taking advantage of their generosity.It would have been an invasion of their privacy.
These people have been kind to me.It’s time to return the favor.I send an S.O.S.text to Uncle Robert.
"What’s the address here?"I ask, typing as quickly as I can.
"270 Old Lancaster Road," TJ answers absentmindedly, watching the chaos.Then it registers."Why?"
"I’m getting your parents some help.They haven’t called a septic service yet, have they?"
"MA!"TJ bellows so loudly that I want to cover my ears."Did you call a septic service?"
"What are you talking about?Our yard is flooded.It’s probably from the creek from the rain yesterday," she yells back.
"It’s not flooding.The septic is overflowing," I say."When was the last time they had it pumped?"
TJ turns and looks at me, his eyes wide in bewilderment.
My gaze drops to my feet.I talk fast so I don’t have time to think about what I’m saying."I’ve gotta guy.He’ll be here in about an hour.In the meantime, don’t use the toilets unless you have to.You should probably shut off the water to the house."I raise my gaze.I have to fess up now.
"DO NOT GO IN THE HOUSE!"Maureen yells to Joey.
"I gotta put them in the tub!"Joey yells back.Cami is still thrashing and screaming.Ella is giggling.
These people seem to yell an awful lot.There’s so much to see.I put my hand on TJ’s arm to get his attention."They can’t shower in here.It’ll be too much on the system.The septic’s already full.Trust me, it’ll get much, much worse if they start running the water in the house."
"What are they supposed to do?They’re covered in …"
"Yeah, I know what they’re covered in."Everyone with a working olfactory sense knows what they’ve been rolling around in."How close are you with the neighbors?Can they go over there and hose off?"
Because it was my idea, TJ and I get tasked with escorting the girls to the next-door neighbor’s house and borrowing their hose.I carry a load of towels, soap, and a change of clothes.
For a five- and three-year-old, getting sprayed down, soaped up, and rinsed off in the driveway next door is super fun.The girls are laughing and squealing with delight, prancing around with so much soap on their hair that it looks like they’re wearing wigs.We lather the soap right on top of their bathing suits, but these’ll definitely need a good washing.Probably with bleach.
Finally, the girls are clean enough to be returned to their mother, who’s waiting with the dry set of clothes.Now it’s Joey’s turn, but he can soap himself up.TJ and I head back across the front lawn to his parents’ house.
As we get to the front door, TJ turns and looks at me, his eyes narrowing."How do you know so much about this?"
I look at my feet.
"Rachel?Oh, wait—I know!You watch all those ClikClaks too!The ones from Oh Crap!"
He knows my ClikClak handle.He’s watched my videos.
Maybe the earth will spontaneously open up and swallow me whole.I wait.There’s not even a tremble from underneath my feet that indicates my salvation is coming.What there is, though, is the tell-tale woosh of the air brakes of the vacuum truck pulling up outside the front of the house.
Time to go to work.
I open up my phone and start recording.Uncle Robert slides out, hiking up his dungarees, and gives me a curt nod."He the homeowner?"
"I’m Tyler.This is my parents’ house.You’re …" I see the moment he recognizes the logo on the side of the truck.He looks from me to Uncle Robert and back again.He sees the phone in my hand."You’re the one who does the videos?"
