TJ doesn’t help the matter when he finally arrives and includes me in on the hugs he’s giving out to his parents.This is the first time we’ve had our bodies pressed together.The split second I realize that I want to latch on and never let go, I pull back.I will not be developing feelings just because he’s nice to me.
Tonight, he’s different, though.Quiet.Sullen almost.I can’t help but wonder if he’s upset that I’m here.Or that neither of his brothers went to the game.There’s very little conversation as we eat our ice cream.There’s no laughing and joking, there’s none of the boisterous yelling that I’ve come to associate with the Doyle family.
We’re finished in record time, and TJ goes to pay the employee who stayed late for us.As we walk to the door, Maureen says, "Tyler, you’ll take Rachel home, right, dear?"
He nods without saying a word.His parents get in their car and drive away.The two of us are left standing in the parking lot.I look down at the ground and kick some gravel."It’s okay.I can walk.It’s not that far."
TJ sighs, walking around to open the passenger side door."Get in."His voice is low, practically a growl.
I slide into the seat and fasten my seat belt.I focus on my hands knotted tightly together in my lap.See?This is why I don’t form romantic—or any—attachments.No matter how good I try to be, I always screw it up somehow.I’m a burden that’s easier dropped off on the side of the road than carried.
Still, he’s been kind to me.The very least I can do is return the favor."Are you okay?You seem upset."
He slaps the steering wheel, making me jump."Damn right I’m upset.We’re so screwed now.Brandon Nix was our best scorer.The new kid’s going to be good, someday, but he’s no Brandon Nix.We werethisclose to winning it all last season.Now, I’m not sure we’re going to win another game."
"You’re upset about the game?"It makes sense.They didn’t win.
"Yeah, I’m upset about the game.Losing sucks.I’m a sore loser."He turns in the driver’s seat to look at me.We’re parked in front of my building, the ride from the ice cream place taking all of three minutes."What did you think I was upset about?"
I don’t say anything.
"Rachel, what happened?What did you think I was upset about?"he repeats, his tone insistent.
"Me.That I went to your game.That I came with your parents for ice cream.That you have to bring me home."That I exist and am a burden to you.
He slams a finger into the ignition button so hard it makes me jump, turning the vehicle off.Then he rips off his seat belt and flings open his car door.I watch him stomp around the front of the SUV until he reaches my side, where he proceeds to rip my door open."Get out," he says, that low growl back.
"TJ.Tyler, I’m sorry.I—" I’m so flustered I’ve lost all motor skills.
"Rachel, now.Get out of the car now."
With trembling hands, I finally manage to unbuckle my seat belt and slide out of the vehicle.TJ doesn’t back up a single step, so we’re standing face-to-face with mere inches in between us."I need you to stop."
"Stop what?"I ask.But I know.Stop coming to his games.Stop inserting myself in his life.Stop—
"I need you to stop apologizing for taking up space.I need you to stop thinking that I don’t want you around.First of all, if I didn’t want you around, you wouldn’t have passed the Ma Doyle vibe test.Second, I’m the one texting you most of the time.The fact that you even have my number says a lot.I …" He scrubs a hand down the back of his head and cups his neck."I don’t have a lot of friends."
"I don’t have a lot of friends either," I murmur.
"I know.But it seems like we’re better together."
My mouth drops open into a little O.He can’t mean what I think he means.Nottogethertogether.
"Which is why we are good friends.It’s not putting friends out to give a friend a ride home.Friends help you hose down your nieces when they’ve rolled in shit.Friends take care of each other when they get black-out drunk, so just keep that in mind in the off-season, you’re gonna owe me one.Friends don’t apologize for supporting each other.If anything, I should be apologizing to you for making you sit through that terrible game."
Now is probably not the right time to tell him that all games, no matter the score, feel terrible to me.I really don’t like sports."I don’t go to see you win or lose.I go to see you.To be there for you.And because your mom had a free ticket."
He grins."Thank you for being honest with me."
"Thank you for the ride home."
"Thank you for being my friend."He leans in and hugs me.Not a romantic one.Oh no.This is the friend-est of friend hugs.If there were a trophy for winning the friend zone, I would be hoisting it above my head.
He breaks the hug and calls a good night as he heads back to the driver’s side.I wave like an idiot while he pulls away.My head is still dazed as I walk up the stairs to my apartment, where I proceed to unlock the door, walk in, and fall face-first onto the couch.
I should be happy that he wants to be friends.I would be delusional to think that a man like him would date a girl like me.
But still, being friends is better than nothing, right?
