TJ leans in, our shoulders touching."Is that your favorite flavor?"
I shrug."It’s what I was in the mood for.It’s pretty good."
TJ takes that as an invitation to reach over and spoon out a scoop.I watch him bring it to his mouth.The same mouth that was on mine after the game.The same mouth I’m not supposed to be thinking about.Then, just as he did in Vegas, he turns the spoon over in his mouth, dragging it out through his teeth and lips."So you’re still looking to have your cake and eat it too?Insatiable little appetite there."Then he winks.
Lord help me.
I press my thighs together as warmth floods my body.Why is he teasing me like this?What does he want from me?Would it be conspicuous if I started fanning myself?
We’re with his family, for Pete’s sake.
"So Rachel."Maureen leans in, tenting her hands beneath her chin."Is soccer growing on you at all?This is what—the third game in a row you’ve been to?"
"Um, I think it’s the fourth.I don’t know that it’s growing on me, but I don’t dread it like I did the first game, so I’d say that’s an improvement.I had a lot of fun tonight."
"The game or the sucking face after the game?"Joey certainly likes to stir the pot.
"I didn’t want to get in trouble for sitting in the wife and girlfriend section, so we thought we had to make it believable."I don’t know why I’m telling his parents, of all people, this.
You see?This is why I do better staying in my apartment by myself.It’s nearly—but not totally—impossible to open yourself up to humiliation when you’re at home.
Even as I think that, two thoughts race through my head.I referred to my apartment as my home, and I’m happy I went out tonight.Sure, I’ll have to recharge my social battery for a solid five days after this, but it was much better than staying in.Even if Tyler hadn’t kissed me, tonight at the game was still better than staying in all alone.
You know on all those medical TV shows, when the character flatlines, and all the doctors are working on the dead person?There’s the sound of the flatline on the monitor, and people are yelling, "Clear!"and shocking the person over and over.And just when you think that person is dead and gone, there’s a miraculous beep and the person sucks in a huge gasp and sits up, and everything’s wonderful?
I think I’ve been coding for most of my life.I was "circling the drain" as they like to say on all those TV shows, and once Richie died, I flatlined too.Every item on her bucket list was like a shock from the paddles.Clear.Fly on a plane by myself.Charge the paddles to 100. Clear.Go to a casino.Charge the paddles to 200. Clear.Meet TJ Doyle.Charge the paddles to 300.Clear.Have a one-night stand.
That’s all I needed.I’m alive, gasping for breath, ready to live again.
Is it clichéd to say I was brought back to life by a magic penis?It’s the stuff of legends in my romance books.The best part of this realization?Knowing that I’m ready to live again, and I don’t even have to forgive my mother.
And for the record, it wasn’t the magic penis itself, but the connection to the owner of the magic penis.It’s not like it’s just an organ (God, I hate that term) free floating throughout the universe.No, it’s the man attached to the penis.Though, for the record, and keep in mind I have nothing to compare it with, it was pretty magical.
And then, by extension, the connection to Ophelia and her friends.Maybe they’re going to be my friends, too.I can see the four of us hanging out, even when it’s not at a game.I don’t know the last time I wanted to go out and be social.I don’t know the last time I laughed this much.
The rest of the time at the ice cream parlor passes by in a blur.The Doyles are talking, mostly about soccer, I think, but my brain will not stay focused.The weight of my entire life has started to lift from my shoulders.If I weren’t in public—and with other people—I’d yell to the ceiling, "Richie, I’m free!"
I hope heaven has granted her this same feeling.
My elation lasts until we’re in Tyler’s SUV, driving home.He glances over at me."I know I’m a great kisser and all, but I don’t think my powers are enough to make you this … happy?"
He has no idea.
"I had a really great time tonight."
"I’m glad," he says.
"No, you don’t understand.I went out.With people.People I didn’t even know.I went out in a crowd.I didn’t worry about whether people were going to like me, or if people were going to laugh at my family business."I stop, thinking back."No, wait, I did worry about that.I think I’ll always worry about that.Comes with the nature of the business.But what I do for work didn’t matter.It was fun.And flirting with you was fun.And kissing you was super fun.Before I met you, I never had any fun.At least not since my sister got sick."
"That’s over a year at this point, right?"
I nod.It seems like forever ago and yesterday all at the same time."And I didn’t cry today.I didn’t even want to.Not even when I wanted to talk to Richie.I feel like a huge weight has started to lift off of me."
Admitting it to Tyler boosts my confidence.It swells inside my chest like an overinflated balloon.I said it, and nothing bad happened.For the first time in my life, I start to think that maybe I’m good enough.Maybe, just maybe, Tyler wants more than just friendship.
He certainly acts like he wants more.
I know what Richie would say.She’d tell me I only live once, and that I’d better climb him like a tree before she does.I have the advantage, being corporeal and all, while she’s, at best, a spirit, but nonetheless, I take her advice.
