"What’s up, man?You okay?"I ask."Thinking about the game?"Crew has yet to score since joining the Buzzards.He’s gotten close, but close isn’t going to get us to the playoffs or the championship.
Crew looks up."No, my girlfriend dumped me."
"Oh."I don’t know what else to say.Prior to meeting Rachel, I’d probably have said something epic like, "Yeah, bitches.Can’t live without ’em, don’t want to live with ’em."That feels wrong on so many levels.
"You screw up?"
He nods."Yeah, I hooked up with someone in Vegas.She was waiting for me to cheat.Expecting me to fail.I like to live up to expectations."
"Maybe if she was expecting you to fail, she’s not the type of person you should be with.Try to surround yourself with people invested in your successes, not your failures.There are tons of haters out there.You don’t need them in your inner circle."
My impromptu pep talk dances around my head throughout the rest of the day.I can’t stop thinking about it.At the end of practice, I make another locker room ClikClak, this time asking the team who their biggest supporters are.For most, it’s their parents.A few, like Callaghan Entay, list coaches they’ve had along the way.Pressley Samson says his wife.
I stash the footage in my drafts as inspiration hits again.
I turn the camera on myself."What’s the harshest criticism you’ve ever heard about yourself that’s totally untrue?I’ll go first.I’m lazy and stupid.Turns out, I’m just dyslexic, and I learn differently."
The guys practically line up to answer this one.Xavier Henry’s answer is obvious."That I’m a drunk who nearly left a poor woman to die in a ditch, when in fact, I was trying to help her out."
Callaghan Entay says, "That I never quite lived up to my potential.It was very early on in my career, and I hadn’t hit my peak yet.I think I’ve proved that wrong, but those words have lived rent free in my brain for a very long time."
Crew Benequista sits thoughtfully for a minute."That I can’t be loyal.I can be loyal when someone believes in me."
On and on it goes.This is awesome.By the time I’m done, I have tons of small interviews that I’ll be able to edit into multiple videos.None of it requires me taking my shirt off, though several of my teammates were in various states of undress.
It takes me hours to edit the videos.I don’t bother making any cooking videos, instead choosing to heat up a frozen meal my mom stashed for me.My freezer is packed with the black containers.
Me: Ate one of the frozen meals tonight.Came in handy.Thanks.
Ma: I’m glad to hear that.That’s what they’re there for.I can make more.Let me know what you want.
Me: Ma, I don’t need you to cook for me.I’m appreciative of it, but I don’t need it.
Ma: Old habits die hard.
Me: I’m an adult, you know.I am 32.
Ma: I know, though I don’t know how that’s possible, considering I’m only 35.
Me: 35?What happened to 27?
For years, that’s how old my mother claimed to be.
Ma: I don’t want people to think I’m a liar.
Ma: I’m sorry that we didn’t tell you about the dyslexia.
Me: Why didn’t you?
I have to know.My parents are big on the truth.This is out of character for them, which is why it’s so hard to digest.
Ma: Lots of reasons.Honestly, it was hard for us to accept.But also, we didn’t want you using it as a crutch.You know, an excuse not to try.You were the kid to look for the easy way out, and we didn’t want to open the exit door for you.
That makes a lot of sense.I tend to follow the path of least resistance.I still look for the easy way out.Like with my video content.Except now, I’m trying.I’m working at it.
Me: I can kind of see that, but you know it did a number on my self-esteem.
Ma:
