Laughing emoji?What the fuck?She thinks this is something to laugh at?I hit the call button.I don’t even wait for a greeting once the call connects."I’m not being funny.I’m being serious.My self-esteem has been terrible my whole life."
"Oh, Tyler, I beg to differ.You’re a professional soccer player in the USSL.You got there because you believed in yourself.You make an additional six figures a year from your social media.You got there because you believed in yourself.You can’t do either of those things without a healthy self-esteem."
"So I can kick a ball, and I’m conventionally attractive.I’d rather be smart."
"But you are smart."
"I’ve never felt like it."I think about it.Could it all be my perception?I think about the way my mother still hovers.Still treats me like I couldn’t make it on my own, with the cooking and the laundry."And you didn’t either.You didn’t—don’t—think I’m smart enough to make it on my own.That’s why you’re always hovering.Doing my laundry.Cleaning my place.Stocking my fridge.Treating me like a child."
She lets out an exasperated sigh."Tyler, I do those things to help you out!You have an incredibly demanding job.Your job is 24-7-365 for a limited time.While you’re in this world, I thought I’d help you out by not wasting your time with some of the more menial, time-consuming tasks that suck to do because they never go away.Do you know how many times I wished when you boys were little and I was running here and there and everywhere that someone would break in and clean the house?Or do the laundry?Do you know how tedious and tiresome it is to have to meal-planevery single nightbecause the people in the house won’t eat if you don’t do it?Your father and I made the decision that this was the best way we could support your career.Dad would help with your accounting, and I would help with the housekeeping.Not because we didn’t think you could, but we wanted you to only have to focus on your career.We wanted you to be able to put everything into playing soccer and not worry about the other bullshit."Her voice has risen several decibles by the end of the rant.I have to hold the phone away from my ear, otherwise I’d risk damage to my hearing.
"Well, you don’t have to yell about it," I say.
"I wasn’t yelling.I was expressing my thoughts with feeling and volume."
A smile betrays me."Dammit, Ma.So it’s not because you think I’m too stupid to be able to work my washer and dryer?"
"No, it’s because you’d probably let your clothes grow mold in the washer because you’re too busy to get them to the dryer.There’d be clothes all over your place, because you’d never fold them and put them away.Your place is too nice to become one big laundry hamper.Plus, when I come over, I want a place to sit, and I don’t want to have to dig out the couch from under Mount Laundry."She pauses for a second."Though maybe the laundry would make it more comfortable.That couch is really hard."
"Yeah, it’s awful.Rachel’s couch is super comfortable.She got it at Bob’s.It’s a Bob-o-pedic.I might have to get me one."
"Oh, how is Rachel?"
Shit.I shouldn’t have brought her up.I can’t lie to Ma about the situation."Um, well, we’re on a little break."
"A break?What did you do that she needs a break from you?"It feels like the question I asked Crew.You screw up?
Suddenly, I’m six years old again and just got caught with my hand in the cookie jar before dinner."Um, I asked for the break.I wanted to get stuff figured out.I talked to the team psychologist, and he suggested I see a life coach.I have an appointment with Brooke later on this week.Once I’ve had some sessions and know what I want to do with my life, then I’ll be good enough for Rachel."
"Tyler Jeremiah, that’s probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say."
She did not just call me stupid."Ma!You said I wasn’t stupid."
"You are not inherently stupid, but that’s one of the most boneheaded maneuvers you’ve ever pulled.You can’t ask that girl to wait for you until you get your life figured out.Spoiler alert: there’s no figuring it out.Most grown-ass adults are still trying to figure out what they want to be when they grow up."
Huh.I thought I was the only one who didn’t have it figured out.
"And another thing—I saw that poor girl sitting all by herself at the game, reading a book.Sadness wafted out of every pore.That’s not the same woman who was with you on Saturday.And frankly, you’re not the same man either.So, and I say this lovingly as your mother, pull your head out of your ass before it’s too late and you lose her for good."
Chapter 35: Rachel
"Just tell me one thing."Gramps is doing little to conceal his annoyance."Are you doing this to punish us for making you move out?"
I tuck the pile of papers into a file folder before looking up at my grandfather."No, I’m doing this because if I don’t get out now, I’ll never leave.I’ve stayed alive here, but it’s no place for me to thrive."Giving my two weeks’ notice at Cramer-Romero has gone over like a fart in church.
He’s mad.He’s disappointed.He’s grumpy.Well, he’s always grumpy.But he still loves me.He’s not going to stay mad forever.I hope.
"I swear, I went to the bookstore, and they had a help-wanted sign.I thought maybe I could do part-time, but they need full-time.I’ll still have time to do the social media for you, so your business won’t suffer.If I can’t get out to a site, Dale’s going to shoot the video for me.I already talked to him about it."
"Do bookstores pay that well?"he huffs.
"Not at all, but you can’t put a price on happiness.I’ll figure out a side hustle.I could probably do some remote bookkeeping for you, if you need it.I just don’t want to be running the Sharon office.I don’t want Cramer-Romero to be my only thing.I need something for me."
"Well, your mother has been asking me for a job for a while.If you’re not going to be in the office every day, I could offer her something."
"What?"It’s a good thing I’m sitting down already.You could knock me over with a feather."You’ve … you’ve heard from Mom?"
"She’s been around a lot since Richie died.Hit her hard."
