He laughed. “Sorry. I was taking a minute to get coffee here and wanted to have this conversation before I had to get back in there. Figured talking would be faster than typing.”
But it requires far more vulnerability, I thought.
“I can tell you’re at the desk.” Nate’s voice was gravelly. “Close your eyes, babe, and let’s dive in. Can you see yourself working in this space?”
I nodded.
“I’m glad, Elle. Okay, if you’re sitting there this spring, what smells are around?”
I kept my eyes closed and let my heart dream. “I think I’d smell a candle. I love to light them when I’m writing.”
“Good. What do you hear?”
“Chickens.”
Nate sputtered, and I opened my eyes to see his face. There was a look of surprise there. “Chickens?”
My face heated. I hadn’t intended to say that. It just spilled out. “Um, well, in my dream writing world, when I’ve thought of writing a story, I have a small house where I write and I raise chickens. And am surrounded by houseplants.”
A wide smile stretched across his face. “You never fail to surprise me, Robinson. And I’d like to note, you just answered my text. You said this is what you imagine when you’re writing your story. So that’s what is on your laptop, correct? Your story?”
I bit my lip, nervous but excited. “Yeah, I think it is. Your note made me think. There is no reason I can’t do both right now, write for Smithfieldandwork on my dream story. There’re plenty of hours in the day. I can get it written, then see if anyone thinks it’s any good…” I trailed off.
Nate looked away from the phone and nodded to someone off-screen. Then he looked back to me. “Sorry, Elle, I have to go. But babe, there is no way it will be anything but good. You are a brilliant writer, and I can’t wait to read this story.”
The warm feeling in me intensified and made me want to lie down and cry. I didn’t know what to do with it. Emotion felt like it was pouring off me. Instead, I just looked to the phone and said, “Nate, thanks for my writing desk.”
“I believe in you, Elle. See you when I get home.”
Oh boy. I think I was in over my head. This man made me want so much—for myself, and for our future.
20
Unfamiliar Emotions
Nate
I stared at the computer screen in front of me and wondered at what age life presented all the answers to you. Apparently, it wasn’t the ripe age of twenty-seven because I felt like I had far more questions in front of me than answers. The biggest one right now was how Elle and I had moved from friendship a week ago to far more now? More importantly, how on earth did I keep us on the trajectory we were currently on?
Damn. Ivy had been in an hour ago to drop off something for Gabby and told me that Elle’s place was good to go. I wanted to beg her to tell Elle it wasn’t done. I wanted to go vandalize the place, make it so she couldn’t move back in just yet. None of it was rational—I did realize that, promise—but that’s where I was. And I had no idea what to do with any of it.
Letting out a pitiful sign, I let my head drop to the desk, resisting the urge to beat it again and again. Jesus. What the hell was wrong with me?
“What’s the matter, pumpkin? Rough day with the toddlers during story time?” Gabby’s amusement was clear in her voice, even with my head on the damn desk.
“Nothing,” I muttered to the wooden surface in front of me.
“You think he’s coming down with something?” Emma’s voice actually had concern in it. At least she was kind.
“Coming down with a case of the feelings.” Gabby’s voice was laced with sarcasm. “Men never do know what to do with them.”
“I mean, I can teach some relaxation breathing if need be,” said a voice that I wasn’t as familiar with.
I opened my eyes and saw Emma and Gabby. They were standing with Kate, one of the owners of the yoga studio next to the bookstore. Also known as one of Elle’s neighbors. I sat up, hoping I didn’t look quite as pathetic as I felt.
“Oh, um, hey all,” I stammered, feeling my face heat up. Dammit. Five days ago I was self-assured. I had a decent flirt game going with a girl I liked. I’d been happy with where I was and the decisions I’d made. And now? What the hell had happened to me?
Gabby shook her head at me, her disappointment visible. She looked to Emma. “It’s worse than we thought.”
