Page 61 of Payback

We spent a few more minutes chatting, gossiping about the diner and how Marg was making everyone’s life hell (per usual) and then Roxy left me to think about everything she’d said.

Was it possible that I was being a chicken? Was I hiding?

The answers were staring me in the face but I was paralyzed by the possibility that Jameson didn’t really feel the same way about me that I felt about him.

But my heart was crying already so why not take the chance and at least find closure?

Frankie was being released from the hospital today. Before I talked to Jameson, I needed to talk to my brother.

I knew he probably wouldn’t be happy that I’d fallen for a cop he despised but it was time to live my life for me.

Frankie would just have to deal with it.

Jameson

I walked into the captain’s office, my gut filled with uncertainty.

I knew what I wanted to say, wasn’t sure if I could get them out of my mouth.

In the end, I just wanted it to be done. I wanted to close the book on this chapter and move on.

So I opened my mouth and started talking.

I didn’t hold back. I told the captain everything — every dirty detail, every bent rule, everything me and Hank did to try and bring down Terano — and then I shared every instance when, in hindsight, Hank had saved my life by throwing me off Terano’s tail.

Finally, I asked for the one thing I knew was probably an impossibility but I had to try anyway.

I asked to whitewash Hank’s suicide.

“He was a good man who made a bad choice,” I finished, my stomach in my throat. “We all make mistakes, Captain. Hank paid for his with his life.”

“A life he took,” the Captain reminded me dourly. “One could say he didn’t want to face prison time and he took the coward’s way out.”

I wasn’t making any headway. I didn’t fault the captain but I made one final attempt to get him to see things in a different light.

“Maybe. But he could’ve killed me and my informant and made it look like an accident during a failed rescue attempt. He had the opportunity but he chose instead to kill Terano and then himself. I can’t fault him for his decision. He was my partner and my friend. He was a good cop who fell into some bad shit. The way I see it, Hank took the only way he could.”

Captain took a long moment to think about what I’d said. I knew I was asking something big. Something that had the potential to blow up in both our faces. But I didn’t pull my request. It was now or never.

Finally, Captain exhaled a long breath and said, “You’ve got balls, son. I knew you were running fast and loose but you got results. I could’ve reined you in but I didn’t. That’s on me. I wanted the win. You weren’t the only one who was hot for Terano’s arrest. The greater good of the situation is that Terano is off the streets, we’ve busted up his drug and trafficking operation — the latter we didn’t even realize he was running — and although there’s probably already someone gearing up to take his place, we did our job. Hank was a good cop. We’ve all made stupid mistakes in the heat of the moment. I can sympathize with the situation but I can’t fudge the reports. That’s just not something I’m prepared to do.”

I nodded, conceding defeat. “I understand.”

However, the captain wasn’t finished. “However, the fact that you cared enough about your partner to do something equally reckless just to save his reputation…says a lot about your character.”

“Is that a good thing?” I asked, because honestly, that statement could go either way.

The captain shrugged. “Some might say you’re too much of a wild card. But I happen to like people who are willing to go to extremes for something they believe in. To me, that means you’re not the kind of person who can be bought. Unlike Hank. And that’s the kind of cop I want in my department.”

The grudging praise from the captain meant more to me than I would’ve realized on any other day. I was used to being the lone wolf, the guy who was always on the outside looking in, which was why undercover work was a good fit.

But knowing that the captain saw something in me, even at my darkest hour, was something of a revelation.

Had I been walking around with a chip on my shoulder all this time, with a fuck you attitude because deep down I was yearning for that father-figure approval?

Jesus, I hoped I wasn’t that lame.

Kinda humbling.

And embarrassing.

But I couldn’t deny the weight that’d been lifted from my chest.

I’d done right by Hank in the best way I knew how and even though it didn’t work out in the way I’d hoped, it felt like a win just the same.

My thoughts returned to Ivy like a boomerang flung into the atmosphere.

I’d bailed.

In my own fucked up reasoning, I thought I was doing the right thing.

But now…I realized what a chicken shit move that was.

Ivy’s spent her life being abandoned by the people in her life.

Everyone except Frankie.

The brother I wanted to vilify so I didn’t have to take too harsh a look at my own actions.

But that was over.

I was prepared to take responsibility for what I’d put into motion.

I was ready to embrace whatever was coming my way.

Fuck, I was ready to make amends.

Even with Frankie Callen.

Maybe if I do that…Ivy might see fit to give me another chance — even though I sure as hell didn’t deserve one.

That’s a whole lot of maybe.

Ivy

I drove Frankie to his place after he was discharged from the hospital. It was hard to see him so battered.

Even though he was in the clear, the healing process left behind a brutal mess.

I winced. “Man, you look terrible.”

Frankie tried smiling but his cracked lip was still tender. “Yeah? I feel like a hundred bucks.”

I returned the smile. “I’m glad you’re okay. I was really scared.”

He shook his head. “What I went through, I deserved. What you went through…that shit was none of your fault.”

I chewed my bottom lip, fighting tears. I loved my brother to bits but in all our years he’d never taken responsibility for his actions like that.

In the past, he always made excuses, justifications for his actions or the consequences but not this time.

His quiet acceptance was something new, something humbling.

“I never should’ve gotten involved with Terano. The lure of easy money was too hard to resist. I should’ve known that getting involved with Terano would’ve been a devil’s bargain.”

He looked at me in earnest. “Sis, if I’d known that any of this would go down…fuck, I get sick to my stomach thinking about what could’ve happened.”

I released a shaky breath. The threat had been real. I still had nightmares. A part of me wanted to know how Darian and Rhiannon were doing since our rescue.

But another part of me didn’t want to relieve the experience by seeing them again.

I could only hope that they were okay or getting help for what they’d been through.

Of course, I could only pray for the girls that weren’t rescued. God only knew how many women Terano had shipped out of the country, smuggled like cattle under cover of night.

I stifled a shudder. A prayer was the only thing I could offer.

“I’m just glad it’s over,” I said.

Frankie nodded and we walked up the path to hi

s apartment. I needed to talk to Frankie about Jameson but I didn’t know how to broach the subject.

As it turned out, fate took care of that for me.

“Ivy.”

I turned and saw Jameson standing there. My breath hitched in my chest. I was so happy but confused, too.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

Frankie bowed up, immediately ready to go toe-to-toe with Jameson, which was ridiculous because Frankie was still broken but he tried anyway.

“Frankie, don’t,” I warned, putting a hand gently against his chest to hold him back.

“I need to talk to you,” Jameson said. “I went to the hospital to talk to Frankie first but they said he’d been discharged. Frankie’s address was in the system so I came here.”

“Well, congratulations Sherlock, you found us, now get the hell out of here. No one wants you around. Don’t you think you’ve caused enough damage to my family?”

“Frankie,” I said, shaking my head. “Let me talk to him.”

Frankie turned to me, his expression one of disbelief. “Ivy, this guy almost got you killed.”

“He’s also the one who saved me,” I reminded him quietly.

Frankie didn’t argue that point but it looked like he was choking on it. Finally, he growled, “Yeah, well, the case is over. He shouldn’t need either of us any more.”

“I need to talk to him,” I said to Frankie. “There’s things you don’t know…”

Dawning broke in Frankie’s expression and if he wanted to kick Jameson’s ass before, now he wanted to murder him.

“You fucking son-of-a-bitch!,” he shouted, charging past me to go full barrels at Jameson. “I’ll fucking knock your teeth down your throat!”

I barely had time to scream for Frankie to stop when Jameson had Frankie in a headlock, subduing him easily. To be fair, Frankie wasn’t at one hundred percent but even so, I knew Jameson could handle himself.

“Listen up, dickhead,” Jameson said, holding Frankie tight. “I came to tell you that I’m in love with your damn sister! I wanted to talk to you first, clear the air, figure things out because she loves you and I won’t make her choose, you motherfucker, but you were already gone from the hospital!”

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