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‘You got nothing better to do than make up stuff?’ Molly asked around the longing that wasn’t in a hurry to go away.
‘Better than thinking about my own problems.’
‘You heard from Cole today?’
‘Four times. They’re heading back to Randwick late Saturday.’
Molly smiled as she opened her locker to retrieve her supper. ‘That’s good news.’
‘It is.’
That’s it? Not sure whether to press for more, Molly stayed quiet. As her soup heated in the microwave she threw out, ‘You know where I am. Come round for coffee any time.’
‘What time are we going to look at that apartment?’
‘Eleven tomorrow morning.’
‘I might watch your basketball game too.’ Vicki wasn’t getting her nails done, or sprucing up the apartment for Cole? There was definitely something wrong.
Molly shivered. She and her new friend made a right sorry pair.
* * *
Nathan held his breath. What apartment? Where? Molly was moving? His flat was still available.
Yes, but she doesn’t want you in her life outside here.
He should be glad Vicki was going with her to check out the new place, but all he could think was, Why didn’t you ask me to go along?
Making an abrupt turn, he headed for the lift to go downstairs to the cafeteria. Sitting in the same small room with Molly, hearing her talking and laughing with others, was too much.
She didn’t ignore him at work, did her best to remain friendly and approachable without expecting any special attention, which he’d had to back off from giving or risk upsetting her further. Yet it was as though she was a stranger. Wound up in plastic wrap, visible yet unavailable, nothing changing. His life was on hold. His head spun.
Life could be horrid, throw up the worst of bad deals, and Molly had had more than her fair share. He hurt with missing her. But he also had to sort out what it was he wanted in life. For all Molly had said, she was right about one thing. He did want a family. But he wanted it with her. Which it seemed was an impossibility, for now at least.
Then again, the day would probably come when Molly was ready, and then what? If he’d walked away as she was trying to make him do then they’d have missed out on the wonderful, loving relationship that he believed was possible. The question he’d been asking himself for the past weeks was, Do I want to miss out on love so I can have children?
The only answer that made its way into his skull was no. Yet he hesitated to try and persuade Molly to take a chance on them. Something in the pain that had bored into him from her desperate eyes when she’d told him she might be making a mistake held him back. He didn’t want to cause her any more pain.
His phone rang. ‘You’re lucky I’m taking a break,’ he told his sister. ‘You working late?’ It was after midnight.
‘Only time it’s quiet around here.’
‘The joy of having those brats.’
‘We’re not coming up for the weekend,’ Allie said. ‘Russ has pulled a murder inquiry.’
‘You and the kids can still come down.’
‘Or you and Molly could come here for the weekend.’
It was like a punch in the gut. His sister thought Molly was a serious part of his life. ‘She’s got other things on.’
‘Nathan, you’ve let her get away, haven’t you?’
‘You’ve read too much into our relationship.’
‘We all think she’s wonderful. She fitted in with everyone, and that’s saying something.’
How true. ‘You’re right on that score.’ Why did Allie automatically think he was at fault for Molly no longer being on the scene?
Ever consider Molly might have dumped me?
‘I’m going now. I need to eat before I get hauled back to the department for someone who had nothing better to do on a Friday night than get into a scrap somewhere.’
‘Nathan.’
‘If I didn’t know better, I’d say that was Mum talking to me.’
Allie chuckled. ‘Believe it, brother. Now, tell me what’s going on.’
‘I’m at work, Allie.’
‘Having a break. You wouldn’t be worrying what Rosie would have to say about you finding someone else, by any chance?’
‘Hardly. She told me to move on and not live on my own for ever.’ So why the hesitation on his part? He couldn’t put it all on Molly. Was trying to save her pain an excuse for his own insecurities? Talk about mixed up. At some point they both had to take a step into the unknown, whether it was together or with other people. He wanted to do it with Molly. So was he worried about letting Rosie’s memory down?
‘Are you sure?’ His sister echoed his doubts.
No, he wasn’t sure about any damned thing. ‘Got to go. Talk later in the week.’ He ended the call before Allie said anything else disruptive to his thinking. Not that it was hard to do, he thought as he bit into the chicken roll he’d bought at his favourite bakery. Today they’d failed him. The roll was tasteless, the bread dry, and there wasn’t enough mayo. Tipping the lukewarm coffee down the sink, he went back to work in search of a distraction. One that didn’t have red curls and sad eyes.
* * *
Saturday morning found Nathan charging up and down the lawn with the mower as if a swarm of bees was after him. How was Molly’s apartment viewing going? The place was closer to Bondi Beach than Bondi Junction. She’d shown no reticence about filling him in on the scant details she’d obtained from the agency when he’d asked. He hadn’t asked what had happened to the idea of purchasing a property. Could be she wasn’t as ready for something permanent after all. It’s what she’d said about a relationship with him.
Nathan ran out of lawn to do battle with. Now what? If there were some waves he’d go surfing, but the sea couldn’t be calmer. If only the kids had turned up. He was in his happy zone with them. Family was what it was all about.
There’s more to family than just the children. You need the right woman first. Not only as the mother but for you, your partner, lover, holder of your heart.
He shook his head. When he’d finally found the woman he wanted to be with, a woman he’d started letting into his heart, it had all gone wrong.
Did I scare her off?
Nathan sank down on one of the outdoor stools and stared unseeingly out to sea. Was that why she’d pulled out? The only thing wrong with that idea was that she’d sounded so genuine about not being sure of herself, of needing more time to become comfortable with herself. A lot more comfortable. Molly didn’t lie or exaggerate. She’d meant every word, so he could relax on that score. He hadn’t frightened her away. But there had been more to what she’d said. He’d seen it flicker through her eyes as she’d turned to leave that night.
Could it be his need to have children that was the problem? That she was afraid of letting him down? Because she would be nervous about not getting everything right with the man she finally gave her heart to. That was a given, after what her ex had done to her.
This was getting too complicated. Overthinking everything in an attempt to find answers that only Molly could give him.
Tugging his phone from his pocket, he called Molly on speed dial, and listened to the ringing go on and on until voice mail picked up. Hearing her message to leave a number and name made his heart slow and his stomach tighten. Damn it. After Rosie had died he’d often rung her phone just to hear her voice. He hit ‘end’. This was spooky. Molly was out there somewhere. He’d see her on Monday if not before. She hadn’t gone away for ever. Comparing the situation with that of Rosie was desperate.
He rang Molly’s number again. ‘Hey, Molly, it’s Nathan. Give me a buzz when you get a moment. Nothing urgent.’
She must’ve got that because he didn’t hear back from her.
Finally, unable to focus on any of the
chores that needed doing, he went for a drive. It wasn’t until he was driving over the Harbour Bridge that he realised where he was going. A calm settled over him. Yes, he needed to do this, to find out if he was ready to move forward.
