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The house was small, tired, and didn’t touch him in any way. Rosie’s immaculate gardens were a riot of weeds and kids’ toys, and he felt a moment of sadness for what had been. A dog lay on the front porch, too lazy to lift its head when he stopped at the front gate. He and Rosie had intended getting a dog one day when there was time to look after it properly, but seeing the setter sprawled over the spot Rosie had used to sit in the sun didn’t raise any feeling other than nostalgia.
‘I miss you, darling, but you’ve gone. As has the house with all our hopes and dreams. It’s someone else’s paradise now.’ Like Rosie, it had morphed into something different, freeing him to get on with his life, to make a new future with Molly. He’d always miss Rosie, love her quietly, but to spend for ever mourning her was to waste the life he’d been given. As Rosie had told him in that last hideous week, ‘Life’s precious, Nat. Grab it and make the most of what you get. Don’t spend it all thinking about what might’ve been. Do it for me, if not yourself.’
‘Actually, Rosie, I am going to do this for me. And Molly.’ There was a spring in his step as he walked away from the past.
* * *
The band was so loud her eardrums were bursting. It was also out of tune and the guy at the microphone couldn’t have sung his way out of a paper bag if he’d tried.
‘That’s terrible.’ Molly grimaced, and took a sip of her vodka. The second in one night. Turning into a lush, girl.
Vicki raised her glass in salute. ‘At least he’s still upright, unlike the drummer.’
They were at a bar in Randwick, close to the army base. Needing to be busy, Molly had offered to drive Vicki out here to meet Cole when his unit got into town early in the morning. After checking into a motel down the road, they’d come along to the pub for a meal, though Molly had barely touched her food, her stomach permanently tied in knots. Her clothes were a little looser too. Funny how once she’d have been thrilled about that, and now thought she looked better with a little weight on her hips to fill out her gorgeous trousers and skirts.
Molly looked around at the crowd and wished she’d stayed in the city. She didn’t belong here. Standing up, she set her half-full glass aside. ‘Let’s go. I can’t take any more of this.’
‘Spoilsport.’ But Vicki was quick to follow her. Outside they both checked their phones. Vicki scowled. ‘Nothing. Where’s Cole?’
Molly stared at her screen. ‘One missed call.’ She knew the number off by heart. ‘Nathan.’ They still talked, although not in a relaxed way as before. He hadn’t phoned her since they’d gone their separate ways. If he hadn’t said it wasn’t urgent, she’d be starting to worry.
‘What did he want?’
Molly shrugged. ‘No idea.’ She’d love to talk to him, to touch his hand, and feel his lips on her cheek. It wasn’t going to happen. She’d left him. It was over.
‘Here we are.’ Vicki gestured to the bright neon lights flickering on and off. ‘Why are we staying in a motel when I could be at home in my big comfy bed, watching TV?’
‘Because Cole is about to ride into town, looking for you,’ Molly said. ‘Plus I don’t drive after drinking.’ Neither did she want to go home to her empty apartment. It echoed of Nathan. Fingers crossed, she’d be moving very soon. The owner of the place she’d inspected that morning was getting back to her tomorrow after he’d checked exactly when the current tenants were moving out. She hadn’t found the strength to go looking for somewhere to buy. Seemed she wasn’t as far ahead in her new life as she’d hoped.
Right then Vicki got a text. ‘Cole says he’ll be knocking down the door at six.’
‘I’ll get out of the way by a quarter to.’ Molly set the alarm on her phone.
‘Don’t rush off on my account. Damned time of the month. The army never gets it right.’
She grinned. ‘Some things we can’t control. But I still don’t want to be here for the reunion.’ Molly stripped down to her underwear and slid under the covers of the nearest bed. ‘Get some sleep so you’re not dozing off on your husband.’
Molly fell asleep immediately, only to sit bolt upright some time later, her head thumping along with her heart. Time of the month. No. Not possible. Can’t be. Picking up her phone, she brought up the calendar.
Closing her eyes, she drew air into her lungs, and tried again. It had been due last week. Her periods were never reliable. This would be another example of nature rubbing her loss in her face. But—what if... No. She tossed the duvet aside and clambered out of bed to sit on the hard chair, her legs tucked under her, her body trembling. Sleep would be impossible. At least until she found out if she was pregnant.
She couldn’t be.
She showered, dressed, and crept out of the unit at five thirty, leaving a note saying, ‘Have a great couple of days. See you at work.’
In the car with the engine running she blew on her cold hands. Now what? It was too early for any shops to be open to buy a test kit. But she wanted to be at home when she found out the result so headed for Bondi Junction, concentrating on driving and not what she’d do if the test was positive. Go knock on Nathan’s door and apologise for walking away from him so quickly?
What had to happen was that she did not make any rushed, emotionally driven decisions that she’d come to regret.
Damn it. Her hand hurt where she’d hit the steering wheel. This was crazy. Here she was already thinking the test would be positive when in all reality there’d be no blue line. Her stomach sank. The gynaecologist had been clear about her slight chance of having a baby.
In Bondi Junction she sat outside the shopping centre, feeling ill, until it opened. With her purchase finally in her hand, she headed for home and privacy, afraid of the outcome, almost too scared to find out. Almost.
* * *
‘Answer your damned phone, Molly O’Keefe,’ Nathan shouted, dropping his on the bench with a clatter. ‘I need to talk to you,’ he added in a lower tone. ‘Please.’
He paced the kitchen. Think of another way to get her attention. Climb the Harbour Bridge and threaten to jump off? Then she’d really believe he was mad. Mad for her might not work in the circumstances.
The phone rang. Hope soared. Allie’s name blinked at him. Not in the mood for her wisecracks or helpful suggestions, he ignored her. She’d told him the family thought Molly was the bee’s knees. His gut had been telling him the same for weeks now. If only he’d listened earlier he might not be feeling so sore and uptight.
He did need to talk to someone, just not his sister. Molly. Snatching up the keys to his four-wheel drive, he headed for the garage, where he paused. If she wasn’t taking his calls then what were the chances she’d let him into her apartment? His gaze fell on the monster car, the sparkling paintwork reminding him it hadn’t been out for a run in weeks. Not since the day he’d brought Molly home for the first time. The day he’d suggested a fast ride out of the city. The first time he’d seen how excitement turned her eyes to emeralds and brought tenderness to her face.
Now he knew what to do. His finger zipped across the keys on his phone.
Hey, Molly, feel up to that ride in the red machine I promised weeks ago? I’m heading for the Blue Mountains and would like some company.
He pushed Send before he had time to overthink things. Now what? Stand here waiting for a reply that most likely wasn’t coming? Nope. He’d pack a picnic, find a blanket to spread on the grass, and put a bottle of wine in a chiller pack. Then he’d change into something less manky and head for Bondi Junction.
* * *
Midmorning, Molly gave up on her walk and let herself into the apartment, automatically reaching for the kettle to make tea. Her stomach told her it
was not taking tea or anything else right at the moment. But she needed to eat. She had a baby on board to look out for. She also needed sleep, but that was probably asking too much when she felt wired. And with her mind throwing up so many questions and doubts—all to do with Nathan. The father of her baby. He had to be told, and soon. She wouldn’t hold out on him. This new version of herself—still tinged with the old one but getting past that—would not hold back on the truth. All of it this time.
Her phone pinged. Nathan again.
Hey, Molly, feel up to that ride in the red machine I promised weeks ago? I’m heading for the Blue Mountains and would like some company.
So would I. Yours especially.
But would Nathan still be talking to her after she gave him her news? Or would he say she’d only told him to get back with him for all the wrong reasons? Only one way to find out. Shirking this was what the old Molly would’ve done. She was going to be a mother; she had to be tougher than she’d ever been. Starting with talking straight to Nathan.
Sinking onto a chair, she stared at the phone in her shaky hand. Do it.
Yes, please. Then she dug deeper. Do I get to drive?
I promised, didn’t I? Ten minutes away.
Ten minutes? What was she going to wear? The most important date of her life and she had to look good. Sensational even. She was going to blow Nathan out of the water with her news and—and he wouldn’t care about what she was wearing. Her shoulders dropped.
This is being tough?
The green floral dress was too loose, the black trousers and orange shirt didn’t go with the new boots, the red blouse and cream trousers looked good and felt all wrong. The pile on the floor grew as her wardrobe emptied.
‘What will you think of me when I tell you the rest of why I had to leave you, eh, Nathan?’
Ding-dong.
She was about to find out. Unless—No, she was not going to chicken out.
Ding-dong.
Molly ran through the apartment in her underwear and stabbed the button by the door. ‘You can’t come up. I’ll be with you shortly.’ Not waiting for his reply, she raced back to her bedroom and tugged on jeans and pulled a cream jersey over her head. But when her curls refused to be contained she stopped to stare at herself in the mirror.
