‘I haven’t really,’ I replied mildly. ‘Not in the few days I’ve been here. I think that the big change for me came when you ended our relationship. Remember that? You very suddenly ended a ten-year relationship that I, quite reasonably, believed to have a future. It was that incident that caused me to rethink everything about my life, not staying here for a few days.’
I could hear the anger in my voice and fought the urge to tamp it down, to apologise for my feelings, to smooth things over. No. Not this time. I had every right to be upset. Timothy obviously didn’t think so.
‘If you say so. But anyway, that’s all behind us now. Ifyouremember, I proposed yesterday. I thought that was what you wanted, having sent me a text message.’
I reddened.
‘Look, I’m sorry about that. The text was a mistake.’
‘I see. A mistake. And now that Iamhere,andhave proposed’ –Dear God, how many times was he going to remind me? –‘you haven’t even done me the courtesy of giving me an answer.’
Now I felt not only anger, but rage rising inside me. Was I supposed to begrateful? I looked at him and took a long, deep breath before replying.
‘Is that what that was? A proposal?’
‘Of course. I asked you to marry me, didn’t I? Or did you expect a hot air balloon?’
‘No, I didn’t, but I do think a proposal should show slightly more preparation – and maybe a ring?’
‘I thought you’d like to choose it yourself.’
‘No, I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t want to take that job on as well as everything else.’ As I said the words, a little lightbulb pinged on in my head. ‘That’s it, isn’t it?’
‘What?’
‘It’s all a question of responsibility. You have never wanted to take responsibility for anything. That’s why our relationship never moved forward. I was waiting for you to do or say something, not wanting to be pushy, but you were never going to. I’m actually amazed that you got yourself together to dump me. How on earth did you find the energy?’
Now Timothy looked absolutely stunned.
‘Well…it was a mistake, wasn’t it? That’s what I’ve come here to say.’
But my dander was up now, and I warmed to my theme.
‘No, there’s something else, I know there is. A better offer. You thought you could move seamlessly from me to someone else, or somewhere else, where you could sink back into your customary torpor, only perhaps with a bit less expectation of some action on your part. What was it, Timothy? A job offer? Another woman? And why did it fall through, sending you scuttling back to me?’
He tried to glare at me, but his eyes kept shifting away. I had known him for long enough to know that I was right. I also knew that there was absolutely no way he would tell me; I would probably never find out the truth. I continued, ‘Oh, forget it. I don’t need to know.’
‘Fine. Although I can’t believe that you are accusing me of infidelity.’ He looked as wounded as he possibly could. I didn’t bother replying. ‘So?’ he said.
‘So? So what?’
‘So, are you going to give me an answer to my proposal?’
I let out a shout of laughter.
‘Timothy! Are you serious?’
‘I am. I would appreciate the civility of a reply.’
I nodded.
‘I see. You need to hear it. Well, Timothy, after careful consideration of your beautiful and deeply sincere proposal of marriage, which made me feel so special, so loved, so wanted…the answer is no. I thought the ten years we spent together were wasted, but now I see that they have been incredibly valuable, because they have shown me, in glorious technicolour, exactly what Idon’twant. So, thank you and goodnight.’
I stood up to go, but Timothy grabbed at my arm.
‘But – what amIsupposed to do?’
‘I’m so sorry, but that’s no longer my problem. I would suggest that you pack and leave as soon as possible. It’s rather embarrassing to be an uninvited guest in any house, particularly over Christmas.’
