‘You’ve become very hard, Penny. What do you thinkyou’regoing to do, anyway, stay as the Lords’ skivvy? Go back to your teaching and your little suburban house? While away the rest of your life as a spinster in the service of others?’
Such spiteful words would once have been agonising to hear, but I felt as though I had a newly formed shield around me. What was it made from? Self-respect, perhaps. But his words bounced off it.
‘Any of that would be preferable to spending another second of my life inyourservice. You’re not my only viable option, you know. Maybe I will stay with Bunny and help her with the children. Maybe I’ll go to India, or Peru or – or Cheam! But whatever I do, I’ll do it because it’s whatIwant, not because I’m running away or trying to prove anything to anyone. And certainly not because I’m so scared of getting it wrong. You know, Timothy, for a while I hated myself for being such asensibleperson, but it has great advantages. The greatest, perhaps, being that whatever happens I know I can cope. And you’ve helped show me that, sothank you. I thought the worst thing that could possibly happen was you leaving me, and then you did. And guess what? Everything is working out beautifully.’
He spluttered away but didn’t manage to articulate anything, so I continued, ‘I’m going to bed now, and I suggest you do the same. There will be trains in the morning; I’m sure Xander will give you a lift.’
And with that, exit Penny, stage left.
To my relief, none of the party stragglers stopped me to chat as I left the dining room and went upstairs to my room, still strewn with wrapping paper and ribbon. I started collecting it up, feeling surprisingly energetic, then took off Daphne’s beautiful clothes, hung them carefully, and jumped into the shower. Even ready for bed, I felt restless and couldn’t distract myself with the internet or my book. The surge of confidence I had felt when I was speaking to Timothy had ebbed away, and although I couldn’t get Lando out of my head, some of the same old insecurities were still poking away at me. So eventually I decided there was only one thing for it: ring Mum. Goodness knows I had been given enough good counselling over the past few days, but I felt like I wanted to run the new Penny by her, to have her blessing over my next move – even if I wasn’t sure yet myself what that was. I picked up my phone and dialled, listening to the long, chirruping tone and hoping she would pick up.
‘Hi Mum, it’s me, Penny.’
‘Penny, are you all right? Why are you ringing at this time?’
Her voice sounded groggy with sleep, and I glanced at the clock – only half past ten here.
‘What’s the time there?’
‘It’s three am.’
‘I’m so sorry, I never seem to get it right. Shall I call you back?’
Please don’t say yes…
‘No, it’s all right, I’m awake now. Your father, of course, hasn’t stirred. Hang on a minute, I’ll go into the kitchen.’
Thank goodness. She drove me up the wall at times, but right now I had never needed to hear her wise and confident words more.
‘What can I do for you? You are all right, aren’t you, darling? It’s not Timothy upsetting you?’
I could hear the disgust in her voice. She had never been a fan of poor Timothy, and since the dumping, she had made no secret of how boring and pedantic she found him. She had even used the word ‘icky’ at one point, which I thought was going a bit far, but she had insisted.
‘No, not him. Although he did turn up here, in Dorset, and propose.’
‘He didwhat?’
‘Don’t worry, I said no.’
‘Well, thank God for that. I never fancied him as a son-in-law. Turgid.’
‘Yes, all right, thanks Mum. Look, forget Timothy, I have.’
‘Good. So, what’s up that couldn’t wait until a civilised time in the morning to discuss?’
‘I can ring back if you like, you can go back to bed?’
I knew this would be a sure way to get her full attention; she can’t bear suspense.
‘No, no, now I’m here you might as well get it out.’
‘Right.’ I smiled. ‘Well, I’m not really ringing for advice, I just want to talk something through. Timothy is history, but now I have to decide what to do next in my life.’
‘I thought you were coming out here?’
I didn’t reply.
‘Penny, is there another man in the picture?’
