‘The thingisthat I was hoping it wasn’t too late to regain it, maybe, with you? A balance. Of some sort. I’d like that.’
I turned around and met her eyes with no mirror in between.
‘I’d like that too,’ I said quietly. ‘Very much.’
‘Not too much water under the bridge?’
‘No. And if you can make mince pies, then we can do a little thing like this, right?’
She smiled a smile of pure relief and how could I do anything but smile back?
‘I’m so glad, Fallon. Thank you. And won’t you think about staying for Christmas? I’d like to spend it with you.’
I turned back to the mirror and this time gazed into my own troubled eyes.
‘I don’t know, Mum. I want to, but…I just don’t know. Do you mind if we don’t talk about it tonight?’
It must have taken her a superhuman effort, but she didn’t argue.
‘I’m sure you’ll do the right thing. Now, what about lipstick? Or maybe a gloss?’
I submitted once again to her attentions and tried hard not to think about what the right thing might be. I had no idea.
TWENTY-SIX
Seven o’clock was fast approaching and Mum was still adjusting her already perfect make-up. I was ready and had stolen enough astonished glances at my own reflection that I was worried I’d lose my nerve and wash away this version of myself – glamorous, glowing, subtly sexy – in favour of a familiar black dress and some flat ballet pumps. I was used to dressing up for events, but as well as the gold sequins, which rippled down my body in an outrageous wave of glitz, Mum’s hair and make-up job far surpassed anything I could achieve on my own. It was hard to pinpoint exactly what was different, because I didn’t look overdone or even remotely like myDynastynamesake, not that that would have been such a bad thing. There was something in her choice of colours and the way she had applied everything, that defined my features in an unbelievably flattering way and seemed to light up when I smiled. But I was used to being on time for events I hosted, and I was starting to feel nervous.
‘Mum, shall I go and get Douglas? It’s so nearly time.’
She turned to me and reached out her hand which, after a second’s hesitation, I took. We rarely touch, Mum and me.
‘Darling, if this wasn’t my engagement party, I would be proud to enter it with only you at my side.’
‘Well, you mean with me in this dress.’ I hadn’t wanted to snipe at her, but it came out, the usual old defensiveness. I braced myself for a cutting reply, but instead received a gentle squeeze of my hand.
‘Fallon, you have every right to be angry at me. Until recently, the most important thing to me would have been your dress – or at least that’s what I would have told myself. But I’ve always been so proud of you and would have loved to have you with me no matter what you were wearing.’
‘So, why didn’t you?’
She paused.
‘I should have done. I have been too caught up over the years in creating, then being, Jacqueline Honeywood. She came before everything else, at first because she had to, and then because I was so terrified of losing her after all she had done for me – for us. But inside, Jackie Woodcock has always adored her only daughter and it’s time Jacqueline caught up, no matter what the event, or the dress. This time we’ve spent together, darling, it’s made me understand the damage I have done. With two minutes to go until the party, perhaps it’s not ideal timing to talk it all over, but maybe we can agree to find some time, lots of time. It’s up to you.’
The years fell away, and I was five years old again, looking at my Mum as if she were the most wonderful thing in the entire world, wanting nothing more than her love and her acceptance. Bruised I may be, but I knew better than to throw away this chance. I squeezed her hand back.
‘I’d like that. A lot.’
When Douglas put his head around the door to see if we were ready to go down, he found us hugging each other tightly, our glow coming not just from our golden dresses.
‘I’ll go now,’ I said, breaking away. ‘Give me another few minutes and when you hear the gong, you can make your grand entrance down the stairs.’
As I passed Douglas, he caught at my arm and pulled me into a brief hug.
‘So glad to have another daughter,’ he said, his voice thick with emotion. I didn’t dare reply, too worried that tears would start spilling out. Instead, I nodded, smiled and left the room, going downstairs with a new lightness in my heart.
I saw Sam almost immediately, standing near the front door. He was looking nervously at his watch, but his wrist dropped when he saw me.
‘Fallon! Bloody hell, you look fantastic!’
