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“You’ve already prevented that from happening from the very moment you suggested such a ludicrous idea.”
“Beth, it is for—”
“Don’t!” Frustrated beyond words, she let it take hold of her. That, she decided, was far better than crying. She was tired of crying in front of him, of being that weak maiden she hated. “Don’t tell me that it is for the best. Don’t you dare try to act all cowardly while pretending that you are being just and upright.”
William’s dark brows raised slightly in surprise. But it was brief, easily replaced by another aloof expression. “I understand my actions might have resulted in you believing something will happen between us. But after last night—”
“After last night, you decided that I was far too fragile to handle being in the same manor as you for any longer and thought to take matters into your own hands, did you? Tell me, William. Do you make it a habit of kissing young maidens and then tossing them to the side when you are finished?”
His eyes narrowed slightly. “Don’t speak nonsense, Beth.”
But she couldn’t bring herself to stop. Coupled with the slight hysteria, the bafflement, and the overwhelming frustration, she spurred on without considering his words for a moment.
“Perhaps that is the reason you have decided to shut yourself away from society? Perhaps your disreputable actions with the hearts of London ladies has caught up to you and you thought to tuck yourself away in this secluded spot as if it would help you atone for your sins. Are you sending me away because you deem me a distraction that will lead you back down that path?”
This time, his brows dipped into a deep scowl. “What in heaven’s name are you talking about, Elizabeth?”
“You cannot kiss me and then act as if nothing happened!” she screeched. Elizabeth curled her hands in her lap, resisting the urge to grab the closest thing her hand could reach and chuck it at him. Her body trembled with the force of her anger choking her.
“You cannot let me kiss you and then run away with tears in your eyes,” he countered, his voice a sharp hiss that cut straight through her anger.
Elizabeth, realizing that her body was trembling with the force of her emotions, tried to get herself to relax. She sagged her shoulders, averting her gaze away from him and settling it on the lovely sunflowers that sat in the center of the table. She twisted her lips to the side, trying to battle the waves of emotions hitting her at once.
He’s insufferable and cannot make up his mind! Has he always been the type to string ladies along like this? I cannot believe his audacity!
“If you mention having me return to my father’s home, whether you have a plan to preserve my reputation or not, I will not be happy, William,” she murmured after a moment, struggling to calm herself. She wouldn’t address the fact that she’d run away last night after he’d kissed her. She didn’t think she had the strength, even if she’d somehow gathered enough to shout at him. It would inevitably lead to more questions, ones she couldn’t answer.
William let out a breath of frustration and the sound hurt her far more than any of his words.
It is one thing to say that I should return home, but to sound so frustrated at the thought of remaining here pains me. I cannot believe he wants me to give up.
But giving up was something Elizabeth was not used to. It was a part of herself she’d never let go, even though the girl she’d once known had been tucked away under layers of pain and insecurities.
Elizabeth pulled her shoulders back and picked up her toast. Without saying another word, knowing very well that William was watching her every move, she bit into the toast. Silence stretched on for a while and, after a moment, he continued eating as well.
Once Elizabeth was finished, she deemed herself full enough to continue on for the next couple hours. She couldn’t possibly eat another bite anyhow, not with the way her stomach churned. She stood and turned to face William, watching as a shadow of confusion and wariness flashed within his eyes.
“Very well,” she said, hating how the words felt on her tongue. “If you wish for me to leave so badly then far be it from me to force the opposite. However—”
William didn’t move, his green eyes unreadable. “However?” he probed.
Elizabeth thinned her lips, hating how much it felt as if she was giving in. “You’ve promised to teach me how to overcome my fear of horses and I will not leave until that has happened.”
“Beth, what are you trying to do?”
“My plan was to find you again,” she told him honestly. “And I have done that. My plan after that was to bring you back to my side, after learning the reason you left in the first place. As much as it bothers me to say, it appears I will fail to do so. But I refuse to return home with nothing to show for all the time I’ve spent here.” On steady legs, she stepped out of the gazebo, back onto the flagstone path. “I shall head to the stables in short order. I hope you will have the decency to at least join me.”
