Lady Bellmore had seemed old to her, but that was only because Charlotte had been little more than a girl herself.I was only twelve.She barely remembered anything, except the staggering weight of her mother’s death.
“He called me his safe harbour. His anchor. He said that he needed me to keep him grounded. To pull him through the dark times.” She shook her head, an odd mix of wistfulness and sadness on her face. “And I was glad to do it. Some part of me hoped I might be able to do the same for you girls.”
Charlotte said nothing. She did not know what to say.
“It is hard being the second wife. When John first approached me, he was lost. And I was flattered. And then, it seemed as though I were living in your mother’s shadow. After all, she was his first choice and would have still been with him had she lived.” Lady Bellmore absently drummed her fingers along the windowsill as she stared into the distance. “And of course, everyone whispers. They expect you to be everything she was and then more.”
“Who does?” Charlotte asked though she already knew the answer.
“The ton. My parents. All those Lord and Ladies. Each watching, waiting for your misstep. I was so very determined to prove them wrong, to prove that I was every bit the worthy woman.” Lady Bellmore clenched her hands into fists, her voice full of bitterness and anger. “I wanted to prove that I was the perfect wife. And what is the first role of a good wife?”
“To bear her husband children,” Charlotte said; it was a mantra her stepmother had drilled into her.Make him happy, but first and foremost, you must make sure his line continues.
Lady Bellmore nodded grimly. “As soon as I discovered that there was some deficiency in me that meant I could not give him children… it was as if some kind of madness took hold within me. All I could think was that I had failed, that I would never ever be worthy.
“And then I saw you girls, and you became my hope. The extensions of myself that I so desperately craved. If you succeeded, then so would I. And your father, the ton, my parents, they would all know that they were wrong.”
“Did father ever make you feel badly for not being able to have children?” Charlotte asked, frowning at her stepmother.
She found it hard to imagine her father doing such a thing, but then again, she would never have in a million years imagined this kind of candour between her stepmother and herself.Or that my fake fiancé would buy me an engagement ring.
“No,” Lady Bellmore admitted. “He has always been understanding, but that does not mean that I have not felt myself lacking.”
“And you took that insecurity out on us.” Charlotte felt anger stir within her, mingled with pity. “Your parents pushed you, made you feel less than, and you have done the exact same thing to my sisters and me. All because you could not have children of your own.”
“You are not a child, Charlotte.” Lady Bellmore snapped. “You are just as aware as I am of the eyes that are upon us. The way people judge you. Do not think I have noticed that rebellious though you are, you stop short of anything completely irredeemable.”
“That is not for any love of you but for my sisters.”
“Be that as it may, you do understand the importance of reputation. But that does not excuse what I have done. Nor the harm I have caused. I… I must think on this some more. But for now, tell me of this arrangement. I do not understand what is between you and the Duke one bit. You told me you were courting at the ball; why did you say so if it was a lie?”
“I did not want you to foist Evelyn on him. Or rather to foist him on her. He is a known rake, and I did not want that sort of husband for her.” Charlotte did not want to reveal her sister’s secret; she still did not entirely trust her stepmother though the woman seemed genuinely repentant for her behaviour.
It will take more than one conversation for me to risk everything.
“But if you were not courting, then why would he go along with such a charade?” Lady Bellmore furrowed her brow, trying to understand.
“To be invited to these games. His grandmother takes some exception to fact that he is a rake, and without proof of a fiancée, he would not have been welcome at this event.” Charlotte shrugged and gestured around her vaguely. “It was an agreement that suited us both. Once my two sisters are married, we will go our separate ways, and I will take my own portion of the winnings.”
“You would keep up this pretence for so long?” Her stepmother sounded shocked.
“I would do anything for them,” Charlotte replied simply.I will keep them safe because no one else will.
There was a long pause during which Lady Bellmore surveyed Charlotte thoughtfully, absentmindedly tapping her lips with the tip of one of her long fingers. Charlotte felt as though she should say something, but her brain was refusing to provide her with any semblance of a coherent thought.
After a long while, Lady Bellmore gave Charlotte a curious look and asked, “And there is truly nothing between you and the Duke? Nothing at all?”
“Of course not, this is just… It is a means to an end,” Charlotte said, willing her words to be convincing even though some part of her seemed to hesitate as she said them.
“If you say so.” Lady Bellmore gave her another sidelong look.
“And what exactly does that mean?” Charlotte crossed her arms across her chest.
“For two people who profess not to care for one another, you seem rather the opposite.” Her stepmother gestured at Charlotte. “Few men would bother with such extravagances if they did not mean it.”
“Well, he is just keeping up appearances. After all, engagement rings are traditional in his family, and they would expect him to lavish his intended with gifts.” Charlotte waved a hand dismissively.It does not mean anything. And I do not want it to mean anything.
She wished she believed her own words.
