“What do you want me to say?” Luke’s voice felt raw.
“I want you to tell me the truth. You owe me that.” She glared at him.
He shook his head. “I owe you nothing.”
“You know that is not true.” She gave him a meaningful look, and he could practically feel her lips on his.
You behaved dishonourably.He sighed. “You want me to marry you?”
“I have no wish to force myself upon you. I will not be a wife purely because honour demands it.” She fixed him with a steely look, pride and something else radiating off her. “But I am not going to let you just walk away.”
How is she still so breathtaking?He felt as though he were a sailor, thrown overboard in stormy seas.
He croaked. “Why not?”
“Tell me that this meant nothing to you. Tell me that all of this, everything was a lie.” The words hung between them, so quiet they were barely audible above the music. And yet each hit him like a tonne of bricks.
You never lied to me before.Her words came back to him. He could not lie. He did not lie.I must be perfect.“Please do not do this.”
“If honour matters so much to you, then have the decency to answer my question. Answer my question truthfully, and I will consider the matter settled between us.” Emily sounded as though she were simply negotiating a business deal, but he heard a raw, emotional tremor.
“It meant something to me, is that what you want to hear?” He growled, unable to stop himself, breaking his gaze from hers. “Curse me but I did not want it to. Yet how could it not? How could you not? What man could know you, could see you as I have seen you and not…”
“Not what?” Her voice was a whisper.
“You do something to me. You consume my thoughts. You haunt my dreams. Everywhere I turn, you are there. It has been agony not seeing you. The thought of you with another... It has felt like dying. Like I have lost something precious.” His breathing was ragged, but he forced himself to continue. “But none of it matters. None of how I feel changes things.”
“Of course it does.” Her eyes were full of passion and determination, and that made Luke feel even more desperate.
“It does not.” Luke said miserably. “I cannot be the man you want me to be. I cannot give you all that you deserve and all that you desire.”
“Cannot, or will not?” Emily asked.
There was a beat of silence. And then another. Luke’s blood thundered in his ears. Every part of him wanted to say there was no difference, but that would not be true.
Instead, he took a steadying breath and said, “I will not. There will be nothing between us. There can be nothing between us.”
Emily’s face was a mask, and she nodded, her jaw tight. “You know, I have thought you many things since we have come to know one another. But I did not think you a coward. Yet once more you prove you are full of surprises.”
“Then we are both right. Iama coward. And you should not be with such a man.” Luke felt something slam into place within him. Ice filled his veins, and a wall hardened around his heart.She does not want me, only the idea of me.“At last, you have seen the truth.”
“May your conviction in your rectitude comfort you.” The cool exterior vanished, and Luke saw pain and something he could not quite place flit across her face. “I know it offers little to me.”
Before Luke could say another word, the music ended, and Emily left. He clenched his fist, swallowing the lump forming in his throat. He turned away from her, and strode into the gardens.
He had already shown just how weak he was. He could not trust himself not to indulge in it. He had known that he would never marry, that he would not pollute his family line.
Father was right.A stronger man, a better man, would not be in this situation. He would have resisted Emily. He would have done the right thing as soon as he realised all that she could offer as duchess. He would have stood aside, and allowed her and his brother to flourish.
“I am not a good man.” Luke murmured to himself as he walked into the night. “And now she knows the truth.”
Her look, the one he could not quite place. He knew what it was, it was disappointment. He had failed her, just as he had failed all his life. He was right, but there was no comfort to be found in it.
“Luke?” Rodger’s voice sounded behind him.
He whirled round, and Rodger took a step back. “Are you all right?”
“I am fine.” Luke waved his hand, hating the catch in his voice. “I just… I needed some air.”
