But when Dorian looked at Lucien, he was surprised not to see sympathy, but annoyance.
“Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?” Lucien snapped. “That you have wasted your life away in drunken binges across Europe? Is that how you are honoring your sister’s death? By killing yourself? If you ask me, you aredishonoringher death by wasting away your life . You had a freedom she never had. And instead of using that freedom to live fully and well--to perhaps even help other young ladies from following in her footsteps--you are squandering it.”
Dorian felt himself flush--both with anger and shame. “I did try to help another young lady not follow in her footsteps,” he pointed out. “That’s why I married Leah! So that she would not be forced to marry a vile man who would make her miserable and even drive her to her death .”
“Youare the one making her miserable,” Lucien spat. “Yes, you are not as evil as Lord Dubois. But what you are inflicting upon her is a unique pain: you love her, but you are choosing to hurt her anyway. I think that is far worse than hurting someone you don’t love.”
Dorian’s hands curled into fists, but it wasn’t that he wanted to hit Lucien. If anything, he wanted to hit himself.
“I’m not sure I even believe you,” Lucien continued after another moment. “You say that you want to protect my sister from yourself, but it isn’t about that, is it? It’s about protecting yourself from her! You are terrified that she will find out the truth about you, that you have been slowly killing yourself these past ten years, that you have been throwing away your life. And you’re sure that if she learns about your drunken rampages, thatshe will not love you anymore. This is about rejecting her before she can reject you--about safeguarding your heart because you’re terrified you are unlovable.”
“Why would I be lovable?!”Dorian shouted, so loudly that the candles rattled in their candelabras, their lights flickering around the small room. He slammed his hands down on the table, all his rage and frustration finally overflowing. “Why would I believe I could be loved by someone as perfect as Leah when my own father couldn’t love me? When I failed my sister? When I have become nothing but a wretched lout? She deserves so much better than me, Lucien! Don’t you see that? She loves someone who doesn’t exist, who is just a front trying to cover up all the pain and darkness within ! And once she realizes who the real me is, she will no longer love me, and then I will truly have nothing.”
There was another long silence as both Lucien and Anthony took in his outburst. Then Lucien let out a long, slow breath. For the first time since he’d entered the room, he looked less angry; less aggressive. He even looked a little empathetic as he stared into Dorian’s eyes.
“This is what love does, my old friend. It humbles us. It forces us to show our lover the worst and darkest sides of ourselves and to ask them to still love us regardless. Yes, it will be the hardest thing you ever do, opening yourself to Leah’s love. But it will also be the best thing you ever do.” Lucien leaned forward. “Don’t let her go. Because if you do, her heart will harden against you, and then by the time you finally wake up and realize what you have done, it will be too late.”
Dorian knew that his friend was right. But as he gazed in his eyes, he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. For too long, he had thought of nothing but vengeance. For too long, he had believed himself unworthy of love. And for too long, he had believed the only way to redeem himself was through breaking his father’s line.
It was too late for him.
Chapter Twenty-One
“Ithought I would be alone here,” Leah said, looking around at the five women who stood in front of her in the hall, all beaming at her as if she was the most wonderful person any of them knew. “I’d quite reconciled myself to being as lonely here as I have ever been.”
“And why ever would you assume that?” Vivian asked, tilting her head to one side and giving her friend a half-amused, half-exasperated look. “Did you really think that your closest friend and sisters would abandon you in your most desperate hour of need?”
“No, of course not,” Leah said, laughing at her ridiculousness. “I just thought…”
“You just thought that because your husband is a fool, that everyone else would be?” Eve asked, putting her hands on her hips.
“I think she was just afraid,” Celeste said gently, her eyes glittering with a knowing look that told Leah her sister saw things clearly. “Perhaps when you are rejected by someone you love, it makes you feel as if you aren’t worthy ofanylove?”
Leah smiled at Celeste. “I think that was probably it. Does that make me very foolish?”
“Not at all,” Emery said, stepping forward and taking Leah’s hand. “It just makes you human. Fortunately, the five of us are here to show you the error of your ways and to prove to you once and for all that you are lovable.”
Leah laughed again. “You all are too good to me.”
“Well, just wait and see everything we’ve brought,” Emery said with a wink. “We intend to be even better.”
And sure enough, moments later, footmen began to enter the hall, carrying packages in from the carriages. Leah’s eyes went wide as she stared at them.
“Why did you bring so many things?” she asked, turning to Vivian. “Well, I know you probably needed to bring all your finery, even to the country…”
“They’re not our things, silly,” Vivian said. “They’re presents for you!”
“We wanted to show you just how much we love you,” Emery said.
“And make your time here a little bit less dull,” Eve said. “I cannot even imagine how dull it must get without all the diversions of the city…”
“You’re not even out yet,” Celeste said, frowning at her sister. “What diversions does town have for you?”
“More than the country!”
“Alright, we should go in for tea,” Leah said, quick to keep her sisters from bickering. She was so happy to see all of them, though, that even her sisters’ familiar gripes at one another didn’t seem to bother her as much as they should have.
It had been two days since she’d arrived in the countryside, having left Dorian and London in such a rush that she hadn’t even been able to stop by her brother’s house and say goodbye to everyone. She had, at least, had time to dash off a note explaining everything. Perhaps she shouldn't have--perhaps she should have kept her husband’s secrets instead of relaying what he had told her to her family. But Leah was sick of living in secrecy and silence. Her husband had lied to her and kept vital information from her, and if she had learned anything from their short and disappointing marriage, it was how much lies could destroy relationships.
