I’m wary of her reasons for entering the tournament, but I don’t believe her to be a spy or an assassin sent to hurt Lord Warwick or his family.
Atlas and I both agree she is here to find the man who murdered her mother.
†
Meg informed us that Caris’s injuries weren’t as serious as we thought.
When Atlas and I saw her the following day, her movements showed no evidence that she had taken a deadly hit to the chest.Her cheek bore nothing more than a red mark where a scar should be.
I have never known someone who could heal themselves.
Maybe Atlas is right?She is a goddess reborn.
†
After she caught me freeing the Bone Weaver, she asked me about Merrick.When I told her I didn’t know where her mother’s killer was, she called me a liar and left upset.Her tears sent me into a downward spiral, and after pacing the length of the courtyard several times, I made the foolish decision to check on her.
I could hear her crying in her sleep.It affects me deeply to see her unhappiness.Incapable of walking away, I sat and watched her for hourslike some fucking degenerate.Her long legs tangled in my sheets.I knew I was invading her privacy, but stars, I could not tear myself away from her.
†
She is angry with me.She knows I was in her room.I can’t stand this.
†
This morning, I almost stabbed her in the heart.
She stepped into my blade to force me to retreat, believing I wouldn’t hurt her.How wrong she was.
When I had her against the wall, something primal within me wanted nothing more than to dominate her, take her body and use it, casting aside all my self-discipline.Close to her, I had seen the fine specks of black in her grey irises.Burned forever in my memory is the feeling of her full breasts rising against my chest and the slight push of her hips into mine.The need to please her had me pressing my knee where I wanted to bury my cock.When she moaned my name, I almost tore off her breeches and took her in front of my men.The knowledge that she desired me was an indescribable euphoria, like a forgotten song of my heart.
I pushed my longing away and stepped back, releasing her from me.I watched her flee the training grounds as if the hounds of the underworld were nipping at her heels.It was for the best.I cannot lose control of my emotions, or I will lose everything.
†
Bethel sent me a message.The moment I saw Caris again, I lost my desire for Bethel or any other woman.I’ve avoided her since that day, but no longer.She threatened to tell her father that she did not want Caris as her guard.
Caris has earned the right to be here, but I know Lord Warwick would find someone else if his daughter insisted.If Caris were forced to leave, she would be searching for her mother’s killer alone, and if she foundhim, she would die.I cannot let Bethel force Caris away.I knew what Bethel wanted from me, so I went to her bedchamber.
I’m used to separating my body from my mind.It’s a skill I had to learn young, when soldiers used my body like so many unprotected boys in the army.It was considered a rite of passage.I now know it for what it was.
Merrick was the worst.For him, it was about taking away a person’s will.I became his dog to kick, his plaything, and I played his game well.I played so he would not turn those ice-blue eyes to Atlas.My best friend.My only friend.
No soldier under my command will use a child the way Merrick used me.I will obliterate any man who tries.
No-one except Atlas knows about the scars Merrick gifted me.These scars are hidden far below the surface, deep inside the marrow of my bones.
Bethel had me on my knees, but I tried to imagine the taste of Caris on my tongue.That it was her thick, strong thighs squeezing my head, and the moans filling the room were hers.My cock had never been harder.
I’d thought I had conjured Caris with my hungry thoughts of her.
But she had been there in the room watching me pleasure Bethel with my mouth.Her humiliation sliced through me, but I also saw a spark of desire as her eyes roved over me.
I was about to throw myself at her feet and beg for her forgiveness, but self-preservation kicked in, and I found water to wash Bethel from my mouth.
I told Bethel that I would never fucking touch her again, and she is welcome to tell her father whatever she wants.But if Caris goes, so will I and every soldier under my command.Never again will I let her use me to humiliate Caris.
CHAPTER 21
