‘I don’t need to speak to her.’ He increased the volume ofThe Simpsonseven more. ‘Nothing else to say.’
‘Ever told her you love her?’
Dan put his hands over his face and sighed loudly.
‘Remember when you didn’t want to talk to me?’ Max said. ‘Did ithelpto talk?’
‘Oh myGod,’ Dan said. ‘So many questions. That was different.’
‘How was it different?’
‘Well, for a start, you didn’t hate me.’
‘She probably doesn’t hate you. Do you hate her?’
‘No.’ Dan suddenly really did want to talk. ‘Kind of still angry with her because she got back together with Matthew so soon after we split up. But, as she pointed out, that’s incredibly hypocritical and just wrong and it’s entirely up to her what she does because we aren’t together. Basically, I behaved really badly and I’m not sure she’d be interested in talking to me.’
‘I don’t think you have anything to lose if you tell her you love her. You have to be brave and fight for what you want sometimes.’
‘I don’t even know if I do want her,’ Dan said. Max stared at him. ‘I’m scared of getting hurt,’ he said.
‘What, because it would make you deeply miserable if you split up?’ Max was still staring at him, like he was stupid.
‘Yes.’
‘And what are you now? Deeply happy? You idiot. Take happiness where you can find it.’ Max lunged for the remote and turned the TV off. ‘Come on. Get some trousers on. Let’s go out.’
‘Seriously,’ Dan grumbled. It would probably be nice to go for a walk or something, though. He hadn’t exactly been enjoying himself sitting here. It felt like there might be something in what Max had said. Maybe he’d think about that later. ‘I’m picking Katie up in an hour.’
‘I’ll come with you. If that’s alright?’
* * *
When Dan, Katie and Max got back to Dan’s flat, Max sang some nursery rhymes – painfully tunelessly, although Katie loved the singing – before standing up to leave.
‘Think about what I said,’ he told Dan before picking up a beaming Katie and plonking a big kiss on her cheek. ‘See you soon, Kitty-Kate. Tell your daddy to think about what I said.’
It was starting to feel like Max was right and Danshouldtalk to Evie. When, though? And how? He could ask her if she wanted to meet up over Christmas. And she might not want to. Or he might mess up and not say things right. And, also, now he wanted to talk to her, he wanted to do it immediately.
Maybe an old-fashioned letter would be the way to go. But, no, a letter would be too slow. He’d send her an email. This evening. Maybe both an emailanda letter.
Thirty-Nine
Now – December 2022
Evie
Evie shivered, pulled her coat more tightly around her and dug her chin into her scarf. Bloody December. Bloody train station platforms with their wind tunnel effect. Bloody South Western Railway with their reduced timetable because there’d been a leaf or a snowflake on a train track in the past week. She was going to turn to ice while she waited for the train following the one that she’d hurried to catch but which had been cancelled, and then she was going to have tosprintat the other end to meet her friends at the cinema before the film actually started.
Stupid idea to go touristy and go to a fancy cinema in Mayfair in the first place. Stupid idea to go out full stop.
What she’d really like to do right now was go home and have a hot bath, get into her pyjamas and watch junk TV all evening. And wallow again a tiny bit, or maybe a lot, about Dan.
Obviously, she shouldn’t wallow. She’d already spent far too much time being miserable. She should be grateful that she was living in an amazing city at the moment and that she’d met some great new friends at work, and enjoy a night out in the middle of London with people she liked. It would be nice to go home for Christmas, though, to her lovely, familiar village and her mum and Autumn and old friends. And maybe wallow a bit more.
Her phone buzzed. She pulled it out. Checking her emails would be something to do while she waited. Although her hands were going to freeze now while she swiped. She should get some touch-screen gloves.
She had an email from Dan. With the subject lineI love you. Her heart lurched.
