Declan reached down and swung his son high up into the air while Daniel chortled hugely, and then held him against hischest in a close hug. Poppy felt her eyes fill. She shouldn’t be preventing Declan and Daniel from spending as much time as possible together. And it was fully, fully understandable that a man who was as natural a father as Declan was would want to spend as much time as he could with the eleven-year-old he’d just discovered was his son. It wasn’t just understandable, it was admirable.
‘So, hello,’ he said over Daniel’s head, his smile the just-for-her one he’d always had from the moment they met.
‘Hi.’ Poppy smiled back at him. She couldn’t really think of any other words right now.
Daniel began to struggle and pointed at the floor, and Declan laughed and put him down.
Daniel immediately punched his knee.
‘Daddy knee,’ he said very clearly.
‘No way,’ Poppy breathed. ‘Oh my goodness. His first proper words.’ She knelt down so that she was at Daniel’s side. ‘You’re so clever,’ she told him.
Daniel beamed, hit Declan’s knee again and repeated, ‘Daddy knee.’
‘Oh my God, actual genius,’ Declan said. ‘I want to kneel down too but I don’t want to put my knee out of reach.’
‘Daddy knee,’ Daniel said again.
Poppy had no idea how much time they spent in the hall with Daniel sayingDaddy kneeand the two of them just incredulous at the amazingness of their amazing son, but it was a long time. And it was a perfect time. And it was something that she could never have shared quite so wonderfully with someone who wasn’t Declan.
Later, when Daniel was in bed and Declan was leaving, he said to Poppy, ‘I’m really looking forward to tomorrow evening. Shall I book somewhere?’
‘That would be nice.’ Her face was going to split, she was smiling so hard.
‘Great. Erm.’ He coughed and his eyes slid away from hers briefly before refocusing on her face. He wasn’t smiling now. Poppy felt suddenly shivery with worry. ‘I’d have loved to have done this evening. The reason I can’t is that Max is coming for a sleepover for the first time and I can’t let him down. He was with me earlier in the day and is visiting his grandparents now so that I could come here.’
He paused and then continued. ‘I wanted to tell you because I don’t want you to think I wouldn’t be fully open with you.’
Poppy felt her heart swell. That was actually lovely.
‘Thank you for telling me. I hope you have a lovely time together,’ she said, realising to her relief, really, that she meant it.
‘Thank you.’ Declan’s arms moved forward a bit and then resettled at his side, as though he’d considered hugging her and then thought better of it. Poppy didn’t know what she would have done if he had tried to hug her, but she did know that she suddenly just felt really overwhelmed again. Sad, really. It was all so much.
‘Poppy? We’re still going to go out tomorrow evening?’ He had one eyebrow raised and his face twisted like an uncertain little boy.
‘Yes.’
‘Great. So I’ll see you then. Eightp.m.?’
‘Perfect,’ she said, wishing that it didn’t suddenly sound as if she was talking to a stranger.
Poppy felt lonely as soon as he’d left. She wasn’t going to allow herself to feel miserable, though. She was going to do some reading for work and then iron in front of the TV and then get an early night.
Time dragged the whole of the next day. Finally, the evening and her date – for want of a better word – with Declan arrived. She was wearing a new dress that she’d recently bought, and even though she said it herself, it fitted well and looked nice and she felt confident in it, and she was looking forward to eating in a nice restaurant, and most of all she was looking forward to spending a whole evening with Declan.
He’d booked a Michelin-starred restaurant in Cheltenham, and had said he would drive them there.
As Poppy got into the car, he reached out at exactly the same time as her for the passenger door handle and their hands brushed. Back when they were together, they’d then have linked hands and sneaked a little snog up against the car. Instead, they both mumbledSorryand withdrew their hands and Poppy climbed into her seat, very careful not to touch Declan again, and deflated all of a sudden about the evening ahead.
Their conversation in the car felt a little strained. Awkward. It wasn’t normal, in Poppy’s world anyway, to kick your husband out, not talk to him about anything other than your son for several weeks, and then go out for dinner with him. It was like they needed to catch up on all the little things that couples share, but they didn’t know where to start. Especially since theyweren’ta couple any more.
Luckily Declan had always been able to make her laugh about things that really shouldn’t have been – and, in fact, probablyweren’t–funny. He started talking about the roadworks on the way to Cheltenham and soon she was giggling madly.
She’d wondered if they should or would talk about their situation over dinner, but they didn’t at all. And it waswonderful. They caught up on big and small things. Declan was delighted that she’d started working one day a week. He’d known about it but hadn’t mentioned it. Presumably he hadn’t dared, which felt very sad.
‘I’m really pleased for you,’ he said.
