Which is further confirmation that we should not be together.
And now, decision made, I’m going to get on with enjoying every last moment with Emma until we part in Paris but first I think I have to be very explicit right now about the fact that this cannot be more than a holiday fling effectively. And if she then doesn’t want to do anything intimate again I will obviously totally get that.
I wrap my arms fully around her, and she stirs and immediately turns her face up to mine. I kiss her and then I pull back a little, proud of myself as I do it, because obviously I don’t want to say anything and spoil this moment, but also I do now have to be honest.
‘I feel…’ I begin. God. This is hard. Okay, just a couple of sentences. ‘This is magical, amazing, wonderful. But I don’t think…’ Oh myGodthis is difficult. ‘I think, for me, this,us, can only be for this trip.’
She stares into my eyes for what feels like minutes, and then she whispers, ‘Okay.’
She’s been in my arms the whole time. I tighten my grip on her and she wriggles so that her arms come round me and then she turns her face to mine and we kiss and kiss before making love like the end of the world’s coming.
14
EMMA
Honestly, I’m not sure I’ve ever enjoyed waking up as much as I did this morning. For the first few seconds.
I was in a really deep sleep and had no idea where I was at first, other thanverycomfortable andverycontent, and then I began to remember – Callum, yesterday evening, last night,Callum– and then I realised that I was in his lovely strong arms and then I lifted my head and looked at him and then he kissed me.
And then he basically told me that from his side this is just a holiday fling.
Which… hurt, even though it wasn’t new news. Except, because it wasn’t new news, I realised, as I looked into his beautiful eyes, that it shouldn’t have hurt me.
And, in the end, I thought that if that’s all it is I’ll take it, because saying goodbye to him – if that’s what has to happen – will hurt no matter what. So I might as well enjoy myself with him while I can. And then, yes, lust did then take over. And I said okay.
Andthen… Oh. My. Goodness.
The best sex anyone’s ever had in the history of the world ever.
And I’ll just say it happened a lot more than once and leave it there.
I still feel like screaming out loud when I think about it.
Literally mind-blowing.
Afterwards, Callum was so gorgeous and lovely and cuddly and held me so tight that I did wonder whether maybe he didn’t really mean what he said about it being just for now. Or maybe that’s stupid wishful thinking, but whatever. For the moment, I have his company and his… well, it feels like love. Obviously itisn’tlove if he doesn’t think this can be forever. But it’s certainly very nice.
Now, we’re sitting outside a beachfront café eating brunch – basically focaccia and salami with alotof strong coffee – smiling soppily at each other and commenting lazily on what’s in front of us.
‘I wouldn’t like to be a seagull,’ I say. ‘Just flying around and eating the whole time. I think it would be boring.’
‘Better than being a goat, though,’ Callum says very seriously, indicating the hillside in the distance behind, where we saw goats yesterday. ‘They don’t even get to fly and they just eat the same thing the whole time.’
‘True. And flying would be cool,’ I agree. ‘And swooping. Spying and eavesdropping.’
‘With their little seagull ears?’
‘Exactly.’ I think for a moment. ‘I’d like to be an amazing mountain climber, though, like a goat.’
‘That’s a very good point. And they do alwayslookhappy.’
Our highly intellectual conversation wends its way through a lot of similarly highly intellectual conversational topics.
We don’t mention anything serious or relationshippy at all again.
As Callum takes a final bite of a little raspberry tart, washes it down with coffee, and leans back in his chair with his legs stretched out, I reflect that, apart from his one comment about the fling when we woke up this morning, he shows no sign whatsoever of wanting to talk about real life.
And I actually also have no wish to go there.
