Today feels too other-world perfect to spoil it with mundane matters like… this is my baggage, what’s yours… or where are wereallygoing, if anywhere, from here, like did you actuallymeanwhat you said before you then made love to me as though you were… yes, makinglove?
I know now without a shadow of a doubt – it’s just come to me suddenly – whereI’dlike to go with Callum: marriage, kids, the works. And, yes, I’ve only re-known him for just over forty-eight hours (how is it even possible that it’s been such a short time?), but we were together for three years and I know the bones of him, his personality, his temperament, his morals,him, so, so well. And I don’t think I’ve ever stopped loving him.
I don’t want to think about this. I don’t want to contemplate Callum not feeling the same way.
I open my mouth to speak, to get away from my thoughts, just as Callum rolls his shoulders and says, ‘Shall we get the bill and have a quick walk along the beach before we get going?’
‘Good idea.’ I beam. I love that wordwe.
As we stroll, hand in hand, I push away all thoughts about the future. I’m here with Callum and it’s blissful, and I do at least now know why he didn’t get back in touch and that in itself is huge. And at the very, very least, I’ll have these few days as the most perfect memory. And maybe thatwillbe all this is: a beautiful (and sex-filled) closure to a first love.
If so, that will be that and I’ll have to accept it.
In this moment, I’m just going to enjoy myself with Callum.
I pull his hand. ‘Let’s paddle.’
We end up going into the sea in our clothes (and then if I’m honest doing some things that I never thought I’d do in the open air but there’s no one around and I’m sure people can’t see things under water – thankgoodnessthere were no snorkellers) before lying on the sand to dry off and then going back to the van.
‘Are we still thinking Chamonix for the next stop?’ Callum asks as we set off.
‘I’ve been wondering that myself,’ I admit. ‘How long’s Google Maps saying?’
‘Four hours forty-five minutes from here.’
‘So realistically that’s nine hours if we’re lucky.’
I am not, it turns out, as fast on the motorway as sat navs predict that I will be. I’ve started doubling their estimates to be safe.
‘Yeah.’ Callum nods. And that’s a testament to how good a mood he must be in today, because at any other time in the two days we’ve been on this trip together, he would immediately have made the point that if I drove faster we’d get places faster. Like: no shit,really? I’mawarethat I’m not the fastest driver on the road. He’s being a lot more tolerant now, and I like that.
‘Maybe we should stop somewhere halfway between here and there. Where do you think would be good?’
I realise with a little shock that this is literally the first decision about this trip I’m asking someone else to help me make, and it feels good.
I was very ready to strike out by myself when I first set out, but now I’m very happy to have some company. Callum’s company, anyway.
We decide to stop for the night just off the motorway in a village in a forested national park in the foothills of the Alps, still in Italy.
Once we’ve made the decision, Callum says, ‘I should book a hotel now while we’re driving. We don’t want to arrive and discover that there’s nowhere to stay because it’s a village with no hotels or there’s just one and it’s completely full.’
I agree and he does some googling.
‘Okay, there are a few hotels in the vicinity. The nicest one does have space for us. I was thinking.’ He clears his throat. ‘In the interests of.’ He clears his throat again.
I’m pretty sure that he’s referring to how many bedrooms we book. I know what I’d like to do but I donotwant to say, just in case it isn’t what Callum’s getting at.
And then he gets the words out: ‘Would you like to share a room?’
I wouldloveto share a room.
‘Let me think about that,’ I tease. ‘Yeah, only if you promise to let me choose my side of the bed and also let me have as many bedclothes as I like.’
I get cold at night; Callum does not.
‘Or,’ he says, ‘I could very kindly warm you up myself.’
‘Oh yes, I think that could work very well. Done.’
