I stare at his very lovely face, my eyes suddenly feeling a lot dryer. I think that could be a very good idea.
‘I have missed you,’ I admit.
‘Me too.’
‘I don’t want to do friends with benefits, though,’ I say. It would hurt too much.
‘Wasn’t suggesting it,’ Tom clarifies.
I hide a smile. ‘Good then.’
‘Happy to stay for starters?’
‘They do have scallops.’
‘And you can never say no to a scallop,’ Tom says. He’s right.
He looks at the menu, and then looks up again. ‘Would you be happy to stay for a main too?’
‘The truffle linguine does look very nice.’
‘Would you stay if it were pie and mash?’
I pretend to consider. ‘Debatable.’
Just after we’ve placed our orders, something occurs to me.
‘Why didn’t Lola meet you at Waterloo that evening?’ It’s always nice to have loose ends tied up. Like if you start reading a compelling mystery, you do want to get to the end.
‘Her husband came home early and she couldn’t go out,’ Tom says. ‘Not even joking. And you know, when she said it, I did not care atall. It was exactly the same for me as for you; it was an interesting detail to tie up a loose end, like reading to the end of a murder story you weren’t even enjoying other than for the secret. She says they have an open relationship. Maybe her husband agrees, maybe he doesn’t. Also, full disclosure, her son is called Tom. After me.’
‘Wow.’ I’m open-mouthed. I have to check my understanding of the situation. ‘She named her son after another man she met while she was with the boy’s father?’
‘Yep.’
‘Wow,’ I repeat.
‘Yep. And as she said it all, all I wanted to do was tell you about it. Because it’s so ridiculous. AndIwas so ridiculous, believing that she and I had some kind of relationship.’ His features are completely serious. ‘I don’t really know how, but, as I think I might already have told you, you’ve become my best friend. You’re the person I want to talk to. Every time.’
‘Same,’ I say simply.
‘Can I just say,’ he says. ‘I really, really hope that you don’t think that the fact that Lola’s married had any bearing on my feelings. It didn’t. I’d already decided to leave when she told me. It was an after-thought question, like it was for you just then.’
I nod. I realise that I really do believe that Lola being married (or not) was irrelevant to the way he feels about her. And me.
And me. I still can’t quite believe it.
‘So… Startersandmains?’ Tom says. ‘And also… maybe dessert?’
‘They do have tiramisu,’ I point out.
‘Rude not to.’
‘Yeah.’
He reaches across the table and touches my hand again before withdrawing his own – maybe scared that I don’t want him to touch me – and then says, very simply, his eyes on mine, ‘I love you.’
I look at his square shoulders straining his jacket the perfect amount, his squarer jaw, his lovely brown eyes with the fine lines at the corners, his beautiful lips, the slightly apprehensive expression on his face right now, and I think that what I like most about him ishim, his kindness, his humour, just talking to him.
