It’s very, very annoying when you’re in a tricky situation and you have only yourself to blame. Although I do also have Jake to blame, because if he hadn’t irritated me so much I wouldn’t have started this.
He leans inagain. And says nothing.
‘Yes?’ I say after a few moments, a little tetchily if I’m honest.
‘Shall we…’
‘Yes?’
‘Both eat without staring at the other?’
‘Fine,’ I say.
And we do, without speaking at all.
We finish at about the same time – I think we’ve both been keeping pace with the other kind of on purpose, with sneaky glances across the table – and we then look at each other.
‘I hope you enjoyed the rest of your steak,’ I say, very, very politely.
‘I did, thank you. I hope you enjoyed the rest of your fish.’ Jake’s demeanour is also that of great politeness.
‘I did, thank you.’
‘I’m so pleased that you didn’t choke again.’
‘Thank you.’ I do want to kill him.
Dan and Lizzie have also finished. So we should be able to go home soon, thank goodness, and put an end to this torture.
‘Desserts?’ the waiter asks.
Jake and I both shake our heads and begin to speak, just as Dan says, ‘That would be wonderful. Or coffees, at least?’
Yay.
I order a fresh mint tea. Jake orders an espresso.
And Dan and Lizzie order an apple tarte tatin to share, and when the waiter tells them that it will take an extra fifteen minutes to make, they smile and say that that is not a problem at all.
And yay again.
After a couple of minutes of further silence, I feel guilty again in case our blatant not-getting-along might make Dan and Lizzie feel awkward, and say, ‘I’m glad they have fresh mint here. Some restaurants only have peppermint tea bags. Which I do like, but I prefer fresh.’
‘That is…fascinating,’ Jake says.
I swivel my eyes towards Dan and Lizzie and mouth, ‘Don’t want to be obviously silent and miserable.’
‘Oh, right,’ Jake replies.
‘Did you assume that I had an incorrigible desire to talk about food and drink with you?’ I ask.
‘Nothing to do with me if your conversation runs entirely on fish and tea,’ he says.
I smile at him. ‘I have thoughts on coffee too.’
‘That’s wonderful to hear.’
I nod and then look at the other two and then back at Jake.
