We do though obviously finally agree on something: that we want to minimise the amount of crap we have to go through before Sonja deems this challenge completed.
‘I’m happy to put a message to this effect on the chat tomorrow,’ Jake continues.
‘I will put a strongly worded agreement to your message on there.’
‘She might not agree to it, of course.’
I consider. ‘Yep, maybe not. I wish we could in good conscience throw Lizzie and Dan to the wolves. That would make a good story.’
‘I mean, no it wouldn’t? Boy meets girl and they get on well?’
‘Kind of an ironic finish to the challenge, though? And, some would say, quite a sweet one? Made for TV?’
Jake does a sceptical little sneer, I’d have to call it, and then says, ‘Well, to be fair to you—’ I mouthwowand he rolls his eyes at me ‘—who knowswhatthe TV people will like. We clearly aren’t going to mention anything about Dan and Lizzie though?’
‘No, of course not!’ I’m insulted by himagain. Like I’d throwanyone, let alone a very close friend under a bus like that. ‘Unless they have an insane urge to get on daytime TV byanymeans, that would be awful for them.’
‘Agreed.’ Jake looks at me, his mouth kind of quirked up at the corner, like he’s thinkingand there’s a first. To be fair, I am also thinking that.
‘Anyway. We have a plan. Good news.’ And then he – frankly very rudely – closes his eyes again, and I glare at him for a few seconds before beginning to google alpaca farming again.
10
JAKE
I planned to message Sonja on our group chat as soon as I got up in the morning, to pre-empt anything she might have to say to us, but I see when I crawl out of bed that she’s pre-pre-empted me, saying that she wantsall the deets from last night, hope there was some ACTION. Also, with no further pretence that anyone wants to give either Freya or me any choice in the matter, she continues with:
Exciting news! We’ve decided on next week’s double date! Karaoke!! Yay! Can’t wait to hear all about that one too!
I write:
Wow, that would have been great, but Freya and I have discussed and we’ve agreed that neither of us can win. I remain convinced that true love is out there for me. And Freya remains convinced that, for her, it is not.
I take a moment to wonder again, as I did last night on the train,whyFreya is so convinced of that, and then remember that I’ve already reminded myself that it is no concern of mine. I continue with:
And we both know that neither of us will change our minds. And therefore we both have to concede the challenge now.
Freya and Sonja are both online.
Freya responds with aYes, agreedmessage.
And Sonja responds with aWhat!!! No?!?!?!?!?!message.
Freya elaborates with:
We know that neither of us can either win or lose, so we think we should just cut to the chase and go on our bonding weekend now, should you still wish us to do that.
Sonja does some stop-start typing for a while and then nothing, so I get in the shower, trusting that she’s speaking to her producers to okay our excellent idea.
Nope, I discover when I get out; she’s insisting that we do the karaoke because it’s all arranged and it’s going to beamazing. We’re going to love it! We’re going to laugh until our sides hurt! It’s going to shake up both our views on love! Because it’s alove-themed karaoke!
Freya’s reply came immediately afterwards, while I was showering, reiterating that yesterday evening we managed to prove exactly nothing and exactly everything (grudgingly I do have to admit to myself that I like that phrase), and that we have discussed and are both certain that the other will not budge in their opinions.
And then Sonja pointed out that we have a contract,end of, and told us that the karaoke will beF.U.N!!!!!
Freya asks if we can please re-evaluate after the karaoke, because we bothknowthat neither of us can win, and when we go back on and they show the montage it’s going to be ridiculous. And, she says, really, maybe our suggestion will bebetterTV.
Sonja says that on that subject could we send our videos from last night over, and with regard to our disappointing straight-to-the-team-building-weekend-after-karaoke proposal she will revert.
