I guess we’ll be doing karaoke next Tuesday, then, and I’ll have to find another long-suffering friend to take. In the meantime, I send over the video of us at the beginning of yesterday evening and one of myself afterwards walking home from the train station saying almost word for word exactly the same as I said last time.
I pitch up at the karaoke bar the following Tuesday with my friend Pete. We met through playing squash about ten years ago. He’s great, always up for any kind of night out, a very good friend, and, crucially, he loves his karaoke:someonemight as well get a good evening out of this. And, who knows, maybe he’ll be the person Freya didn’t realise she was looking for all this time.
Pete, unlike my wiser friends Minuk and Dan, agrees to be in my ‘and here we are about to start the next date’ video.
‘Are you sure?’ I check. ‘You know there’s every chance people might recognise you afterwards in the street?’
‘Ready for a new experience,’ he tells me. ‘Also, they won’t? They’ll show max ten seconds of me?’
‘Well, unless you and Freya fall in love.’
‘I’ll take that risk.’
‘Hello!’ We’ve been interrupted by Freya and another woman, obviously my date for the evening.
We do the introductions, and I learn that my date is called Sarra.
‘Freya and I were neighbours for a couple of years in our mid-twenties. We met during a small house fire due to a defective toaster and got onlikea house on fire – and yes I doalwaysmake that joke and yes Ialwaysamuse myself if no-one else – and here we are today.’ Sarra is immediately likeableandshows no signs (yet, at least) of falling for Pete, so I’m cheering up; I think this could genuinely be a perfectly pleasant evening during which I have someone to talk to other than Freya.
‘You’ve been booked into two separate tables.’ The woman on reception is frowning at her computer screen. ‘There must have been a mistake. Give me two minutes and we’ll have a table for four ready for you.’
We all look at each other and then we all thank her. Apparently none of us want to say no, we’re supposed to be ondates, plus I’m guessing Pete and Sarra would rather a four, because, really, does anyone actuallyenjoyblind dates, especially when they’re as orchestrated as this? I also would prefer a four; I won’t need to spend much time talking to Freya given that Pete and Sarra don’t look as though they’re immediately smitten in the way that Dan and Lizzie were, and I’m not up for a blind date situation either.
‘So I watched the little montages they did of you,’ Sarra says once we’ve been seated and they’ve poured tap water for us all, telling us that we’ll need alotof water, so that we don’t get dry throats from all the singing we’ll be doing.
‘As did I,’ says Pete.
‘And I know from that that we’re all better off treating this as a nice evening out, rather than actual dates,’ twinkles Sarra. ‘Clearly, I think, neither of you isupfor having your views changed.’
‘You know what,’ says Freya. ‘It’sperfectthat you said that. If we tell Sonja that that’s what the montages show, she might agree that this whole thing is pointless.’
‘Other than getting free evenings out.’ Pete raises his glass and we all join him in a toast to the production company.
Our conversation is interrupted by us being instructed quite forcefully to make some song choices and join in, and it becomes apparent very quickly that this is an excellent venue if you don’t want to spend too much time talking to your companions. The karaoke is constant, and we have to be involved one way or the other most of the time.
I already know that Pete has a fantastic voice. We establish pretty quickly that Sarra and I both have perfectly fine but nothing special voices. And that Freya – by her own admission – can’t hold a tune to save her life. Weirdly, though, while she rarely (never, really) hits the right notes, her voice itself is really nice, as in it has a very nice tone. So basically she’d be amazing singing in the shower.
As we all sing along to Ed Sheeran, I find myself wondering idly whether shedoessing in the shower, and am then horrified and drag my mind straight back to the words of ‘Perfect’, because I certainly don’t want to be thinking about Freya and showers. I really don’t know what happened to me there.
A server comes over to take our dessert orders, and we choose as a group; we’re going to share four different ones. It occurs to me that Sonja and her producers did not think this one through very well. Karaoke is bringing our little group together as friends, rather than anything approaching lovers. I mean, right now, as long as I don’t look in her direction too often, Idon’t even dislike Freya that much, because I’ve barely heard a word she’s said all evening. If you came here on a real first date, I feel that you’d have fun with someone if you already liked them, but you wouldn’t fall in love with them for the first time. There’s no time to talk, for a start, and even if there were, it’s so loud that you can barely hear yourself speak. Not to show my age.
‘That was so much fun.’ Freya’s almost hiccupping with laughter as we emerge onto the pavement outside the club later on.
We all agree (extraordinary that I am agreeing with her on something) and then Sarra looks at her watch and squeals, ‘Oh my gosh, it’smidnight. On a Tuesday. And we’re in Central London. I need a cab right now or I’m going todieat work tomorrow.’
I have no idea what job she does, I realise, because as soon as we arrived we just got straight on with the singing and didn’t bother with any mundane small talk. I’m not going to enquire; once this fiasco is over Freya and I will not be in each other’s lives any more and there is therefore unlikely to be any point in getting to know each other’s friends.
‘Quick after-video first?’ I ask.
The others all nod and I hold my phone in front of us and start recording.
‘Loved it.’ Pete grins into the phone camera.
‘He’s an amazing singer,’ Sarra says.
‘So much fun,’ Freya chimes in.
‘Yeah, it was a good evening for a friends’ night out,’ I agree, before stopping the video, and saying goodbye to the others before Freya and Sarra get in one taxi, and Pete and I get in another.
