“It’s obvious you’re upset, maybe a little hurt.”
His shoulders jerked and his mouth wadded into a ball. “I’m not hurt. I expect nothing from him, and he just keeps delivering every single time.” The last three words were punctuated by his fist slamming into his palm.
“Maybe you should call him to hear his side.”
“Nope. I’m cutting him off. Already texted Nori and asked her to freeze the account.”
My gasp telegraphed my surprise. I feared his actions were reactionary and he wasn’t taking the time to think things through. We could all agree his dad was a piece of shit, but pretending he didn’t exist wasn’t going to fix the long-term problems. In my opinion Lamonte should’ve been cut off years ago. A child shouldn’t be expected to support his freeloading father. Aldridge was a good son and Lamonte took advantage of that.
“What? Do you think that was a mistake?”
“Yes … I mean no. If he’s going to gamble his money away, then he doesn’t need to get it from you. But there’s also optics to consider. People could perceive the account being quickly closed as an admission of guilt on your part.”
“Bullshit.” Aldridge stood, picked up a glass and tossed it at the wall. Shards of glass exploded, falling to the carpet. That wasn’t the reaction of a man who was over it.
“Aldi, I know it’s upsetting finding out?—”
“I’m not upset. You were right, I’m over here taking care of a bunch of people who don’t deserve it. What’s that saying? New Year, New Me. That’s my motto all year long. I’m only helping my mom and you.” He sat down on the couch and rubbed his knees. “And Duane, Tootie, my niece. Maybe Nori if she needs anything.”
I sat next to him. “You have a big heart. You always have. And that’s a quality I appreciate the most in you. I don’t want this shit with your father to harden your heart.”
“Weren’t you the one telling me I was doing too much … giving too much?” He sunk in the space next to me.
“Yes, and I stand by that. But I also heard you say how important it is for you to take care of the people you love.”
“And see that’s where I messed up with that motherfucker because he doesn’t love me, all he’s ever done was use me. As far as I’m concerned, I don’t have a father.” His expression was pained. It was clear he was taking this betrayal personally, as he should because the choices Lamonte made often felt like a direct attack on his son. But disowning a parent, no matter how horrible they were, was easier said than done.
“Aldi, don’t say that.”
“Why Nessa it’s true. I’m done.” Aldi grimaced as if he’d been hit in the gut with a baseball bat. “Why does … Why did he have to be my dad?” His voice was shaky, and he was having trouble meeting my eyes. I didn’t have a good answer for that. But I knew what it was like to be disappointed by your family. “All I ever wanted was a dad that would come home after work and ask me how my day was. Ask about what we learned in school. But instead, I came home to my dad passed out drunk on the couchat three thirty in the afternoon. And those were the good days.” He seeped in a long breath. “Sometimes he wouldn’t come home until well past my bedtime, yelling and banging shit around, waking the whole house up.”
“I can’t explain why shit happens the way it does, but I do know who your dad is and what he isn’t doesn’t fall on you. He probably had some bad breaks of his own but at the end of the day he made his choice about who he wanted to be as a man and a father and that’s something he’ll have to live with for the rest of his life.”
Aldridge bit down on his bottom lip, and the first tear fell. He turned his face to the opposite corner of the room trying to hide his pain. “I was always so scared … you know.” His voice was heavy with emotion. “He was like a tornado, you say the wrong thing and you got smacked or choked out. You know how kids are like there’s a monster in my closet. I never experienced that because the monster was at the kitchen table launching the bowl of peas at my head.
“I’m so fucking tired, Nessa.” Aldridge sobbed, bringing his balled fist to his eyes. I just rubbed his knee, allowing him space to vent. “I don’t know if I’ll ever have kids but if I do, I’m going to be their biggest cheerleader and not their biggest hater. There’s this malice laced in every interaction with him. Like how dare I make something of myself. How dare I have the audacity to be better than him. Like that shit’s hard. If I’m ever a dad I won’t be perfect, but I’m going to try to be the type of father that brings a smile to their faces when they’re grown. You know what I mean?”
“Yes.” I had vague memories of my father. He was the opposite of Aldridge’s dad, he could light up a room and make you feel like the most important person in it. The problem was his visits were few and far between and left me wanting for more. I believed every promise and his affirmations made me love himmore, but it was all for show. He was the life of the party but never wanted to make his daughters the center of his world.
“I don’t talk about my childhood because so much of it was a shit show. I remember one time my dad pulled up to the house with a new car. Leather interior, big wheels, music bumping, and he told us all to hop in he was taking us out to eat. He took us to a place called Liberty Clucks and I was thrilled because we never ate out. After about fifteen minutes, a police car pulled up and arrested my dad. The car was stolen. We had to take the bus back home.”
Resting my head on his shoulder, I said, “Sometimes growing up is realizing our parents didn’t do the best they could.”
“Why have kids if you’re just going to pass down your trauma like a family heirloom? Son, I’m giving you generational baggage. Don’t let the small luggage fool you. These suitcases are stuffed with abuse, neglect, addiction, thoughts of self-harm. And then there’s the phobias. Fear of vulnerability, love, growth, therapy. What the fuck am I even trying for? Shit is stacked against me.”
I hooked his chin, turning his head to face me. “No, you’re a cycle breaker. You made it out of poverty, you were the first in your family to go to college, on a scholarship at that. And your sister and niece are going to follow in your footsteps. You have a career you’re passionate about. You have money saved, you’re buying a house. You are carving a new path for future generations.”
“Danessa, I don’t want to talk about this shit anymore.” He scrubbed his face and any trace of tears. Leaning back into the couch cushions, he seemed to go numb. Eyes closed and silent to indicate this conversation was over. It was as if this news had broken his spirit. I know most of society was hanging on by a thread, walking around with masks to hide the pain, but Aldridge was the type who let shit roll off his back.
“Okay sure. I’ll order food and we can watch a movie and laugh the bad parts of this day away.”
It was like my words were lost in a void. Aldridge jumped up and headed to the minibar. Opening the fridge, he rummaged around, pulling out ginger ales, soft drinks, and juice. “Shit, I need a drink.”
“I thought you didn’t drink?”
“Uhm, I don’t but it’s feeling like a blackout drunk kind of night. You know something to take the edge off.” He slammed the fridge door with such force it startled me. “Room service can bring us drinks. Do you want something?” Aldi snapped his fingers, pointing at me.
Aldridge opened the fridge again like mini bottles of tequila and vodka would magically appear. Standing in the middle of the room, he had a silent breakdown. He rubbed his face and examined the room like we were trapped inside, and he was tasked with finding the key to let us out. Aldi’s brown eyes were pinging from the door to the coffee table to the wall. He stared at the wall for what seemed like minutes. You’d think the terra-cotta wall had called him a punk ass bitch or something.
