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She had made the excuses to herself. Her confidence was low. She was afraid of trusting. When all was said and done, this was the reason why she had hid until she couldn't hide anymore.
Rejection she could take. Loving Chase had been something she didn't think she was strong enough to handle.
Silence filled the bedroom then. Chase pressed her closer to his chest, his fingertips stroking the back of her neck, easing the headache away and filling her with a lazy, frightening sensuality.
"Every woman has a weakness," she whispered against his chest. "You were my weakness, Chase. Even Drew knew I couldn't keep my eyes off you. The more our marriage deteriorated, the worse it became. I didn't want others seeing that and believing I had been unfaithful, or that you'd had any part in that break. "
"Would you have stayed with him if he hadn't brought the third in that night?"
She flattened her hands against his chest, felt his heartbeat against her palms, slow and steady.
"I loved Drew when I married him. I loved the illusion he gave me of who and what he was. I don't want illusions anymore. But neither do I want a relationship that's cold and remote except in the bed. "
"What do you want, Kia?"
She lifted her head and stared into the shadowed expanse of his expression. "I want something real. I want to laugh. I want to be able to cry when I need to. I want to dance, and I want to be free. And I want to be held. "
His fingers continued to stroke, to massage her neck.
"It's hard to be free and to be
held at the same time," he told her quietly.
"Is it, Chase?" She touched his jaw, simply because she couldn't help herself. "Isn't that what love truly is? Being free even as you're being held? Knowing you can reach for the stars, and someone's there to share it with you? Or to give you a boost if you need it? Someone to laugh with, love with, cry and argue with? Someone you know will be there when you're moody, when you're dark, or when you just need a hug. " She smiled up at him, feeling it inside her, reaching out to him, knowing Chase was the man she wanted that with. "Isn't mat love?"
Chase felt the dreams that moved through her as though they were his own. It was so unfamiliar, the sensations so unique, that he wanted nothing more at that moment than to get out of the bed and leave the room. To escape the velvet bonds he could feel wrapping around him.
"You're free, Chase," she whispered, moving her hand back from his jaw and fixing on him with those gem-bright, dream-rich eyes. "Always free. "
And she would always hold him. He saw that, too. Saw that Kia held things inside her, wrapped herself around the people she loved in such a subtle way that they never knew what she had done until it was too late. Until she owned a part of them.
"You're delirious," he replied, but his hand smoothed down along her side until he was cupping her hip, holding her to the thick, hard ridge of his erection.
"I need you. " She whispered his words back to him, and Chase swore his heart was going to leap right out of his chest.
"You're hurt. " He swallowed tightly. "When you're better. Ah fuck, Kia. "
Slender, graceful fingers moved from his chest to the heavy weight of his erection. They curled around it, stroked, pumping his flesh with silken destruction.
"Not a good idea," he groaned. "Sanjer will kill me for this. "
Her lips brushed his jaw, her tongue reaching out to stroke, to taste his flesh. Each touch was like a destructive whisper. Chase held her to him, let her touch, let her stroke, and he pushed back the hunger rising inside him like a beast he didn't know how to control.
He had tried, he told himself. He had tried to stay as far away from her as possible. He had tried to save them both.
"Kia, go to sleep, or your headache's going to get worse," he warned her. "When I slide inside you, I don't want to stop until we're both coming. Until our heads are exploding. You don't want that right now. "
He gripped her hand, held her wrist still.
"You don't want me?" The edge of vulnerability in her voice sliced at his chest.
"One of these days, very soon, you're going to find out exactly how much I do want you," he warned her. "But not tonight. " He lifted her hand from his flesh. "Not when it will only hurt you worse. "
She moved to turn out of his arms, to pull away from him.
"Don't do it, Kia. " He clamped his hand on her hip, staring down at her as she looked up at him in surprise. "You don't pull away from me, do you understand that? Not now, not ever again. "
The hand that landed on his chest was less than gentle. A hard slap against the tensed muscles before he was forced to allow her to push away from him.
