On the tray was a steaming mug of cocoa, a bottle of rum and a small tumbler glass, and a teapot and cup. Not knowingwhichform of liquid comfort she would desire, Papa provided three options. And rather than speaking, he quietly sat down to give her silent comfort from his presence, letting her choose when to come to him.
She felt less alone. Papa, at least she had Papa!
He sat, his eyes softly running over the newsprint, but Elizabeth knew his manners, and knew his mind was not on the paper, though he showed her the kindness tonotsubtly pay attention to Elizabeth. How could she have ever considered leaving home?
Elizabeth picked up the spiced cocoa Papa had brought to her and sipped cautiously. A perfect temperature, hot, yet it did not burn her mouth. There was rum in the thick liquid. Elizabeth breathed in the scent of the ground cocoa through her nose, and she sipped again luxuriating in the taste. She closed her eyes, to keep herself from thinking and relaxed into her soft chair. The warm comforting weight of the cup wrapped around her hands.
The sense of peace lasted less than a minute. The phrases Darcy had used, his demand that she always agree with him in public on anything whichmattered. The scornful sneer, holding his head ridiculously high, as he insulted Wollstonecraft’s philosophy. She had alreadytoldhim that she considered Wollstonecraft’s approach flawed. Did heneverlisten except when he spoke himself?
He did. He remembered so much of their little conversations.
I will not be changed by theatrics.
Ha! She’d been serious in ending their engagement. Ha!
Elizabeth put her mug down harshly on the tray. “You had the right of it.” Papa looked up at Elizabeth’s bitter words. “I near fashioned a terrible mistake.”
Papa shrugged. He did not smile, but he put down his newspaper to the side, folding it carefully down the middle, forming a thick paper cover for the desk. Sharply defined lines of newsprint on the white paper. He directed his full attention towards her, the way he always did when she needed him.
“You did — you were kindly about it” — Elizabeth smiled sadly — “Darcy would blame you for not refusing your blessing and consent entirely.”
“Whatever effect it may have had upon Mr. Darcy, I knew you far too well to believe my refusal would stopyou.”
Unexpectedly Elizabeth laughed at Papa’s statement. She would not have taken such a demand well.
Papa smiled at her amusement, but it did not reach his eyes.
“So strange — to laugh when I am entirely miserable. I am miserable, thoughIended it. I should be relieved that I evade a mistake. How can I laugh at anything? I suffer as though I can never be happy again. I must be made for laughter if I canlaughwhilst I am despondent.”
“I laughed at a jest of my godfather the day my father died, though we both were heartbroken.”
“Thatshall not do! This is the end of a relationship. Nothing so serious as a parent’s death.” Elizabeth shivered at the idea. “It is a small thing—”
“You intended to spend the entirety of your life with Mr. Darcy — if you consider that asmallthing, you were far more mistaken inthatmatter than you could have been in accepting his engagement.”
“I was…precipitate. I see now. But…IfeltI was sober and rational at the time, but like Wollstonecraft, or dear Georgiana, or all the women Darcy despises—”
“Many men as well.”
“Like all the persons despised by my once gentleman suitor, I was driven by passion and, blockheadedness. Until now I thought I knew myself! I thought myself too wise, too strong, too…I have escaped the mistake you saw I was making—”
“I only suspected your connection to Mr. Darcy to be a mistake. I possess no conviction, even now.”
“No! Not that. I need you to be confident, for I doubt myself.”
“Of course you do.”
“Papa! You thought I mistook a mistake.”
“Itscaredme.”
“I was a fool. A fool. A twice…youwould not be happy I know the word which comes to mind. But verily I was a foolish fool fooling her way into foolish disaster.”
“What happened?”
“What happened! He would not listen. He destroys his sister’s life. He denies her every hope of happiness, he chooses for her the choice that is above all othersherchoosing.”
“I gather there was a matter between our friend Mr. Peake and your and Jane’s sweet friend.”
