“They had agreed to marry and Darcy absolutely refused because he is a man in trade. A man in trade! That is hisexcusewhen he ruins, perhaps forever, his sister’s happiness.”
Mr. Bennet tilted his head to the side and pursed his lips.
“Gentlemen! Fah! Surely you do not agree with Mr. Darcy.”
“He does not wish my agreement — Iunderstand. For a man of such pride to allow his sister to marry a tradesman — Iunderstandwhy his first reaction was revulsion.”
Elizabeth snarled. “I do not. Except…Ido. He cares so much for Georgiana. He does wish the best for her. But he iswrong. He is hurting her. And Mr. Peake is my uncle's partner — it means he despises my uncle. If he despises Mr. Gardiner, by extension he despisesme.”
“That is a reason for concern. Do you think that is what he thinks?”
“Mr. Darcy does notdespiseGardiner.” Elizabeth slumped, some of her anger oozing away again. “But he said he would not allow Georgiana to marry a man like my uncle either. And I love Mr. Gardiner dearly.”
Papa leaned forward and placed his hand on Elizabeth’s arm. “My dear, dear daughter. What really struck you so hard that you ended matters with Mr. Darcy?”
Elizabeth deflated. She had been so angry, for an instant she could only remember the tightness in her chest, the passion and certainty of her rightness, and Darcy’s noble mouth. “He ordered me to be silent. First in front of others, and then together. He absolutely would notlistento me. I expect that at least. I expect to be heard and to be respected.”
“Ah.”
“He would act the same in our private life. He is sweet, charming, and always happy to talk so long as that is his noble whim. But the instant I wish something unbecoming the wife of Mr. Darcy, the oppressor of ten thousand a year,then,thenthe truth will out. He will not listen; he will use a gentleman’s will to determine for me without evenlistening. Heavens! Such a fool to think I could ever marry.”
Mr. Bennet took the tumbler from the tray and poured a thick helping of rum into it and pushed it towards Elizabeth. She gratefully took the glass and drank the whole in one quick swallow, realizing she wanted alcohol in her innards to burn away the pain in her guts.
Elizabeth wiped her mouth, inelegantly. “The night we became engaged — I had decided a list of questions to ask him before accepting his offer — do not look at me so, I was to frame them politely — questions to ensure that he understood what I wished from a husband, and that he agreed to allow his wife such liberties. And I did not ask.”
Papa took out a tumbler of his own, and poured the spirit into it, and sipped from it. “Why not, Lizzy?”
“I think — it would have been awkward in a way, but mostly, I think I was frightened of the answers, and I loved him so much then. I do yet. I love him, despite my anger, I love him right now. Did I make a mistake, Papa?”
“How canIknow? But if you feel any uncertainty about a matter as solemn and irreversible as marriage, you ought not to carry through — inthatyou made no mistake.”
“We were impassioned. There must have been a position betwixt our demands, a way for us to speak about it. Buthe,he wouldn’tlistento me. I tried — perhaps I might have tried more, but I begged him, repeatedly, to listen and speak rationally with me.”
“I am proud of you, for making the attempt.”
“He would not. That is the end of it. I will not marry a man who does not listen to me.”
Mr. Bennet smiled. “A wise resolution.”
“I will never marry anyone.”
Papa smiled. “We know you can fall in love.”
“Such hurtful things I said things to him. Why? Why did I saythat? I accused him — no I’ll not say what I accused him of, but…you see, Mr. Darcy confessed a terrible fear, that he had failed Georgiana in a particular way. And when we argued, I accused him of failing her in that way, knowing it would hurt him. Only because I lost my temper.”
“Oh, Lizzy.”
“If — I wish I had kept my calm. I was drivenagainby my passions in place of reason. If I were calm, he would have calmed and then eventually been brought tolisten. I just needed — the refusal to Georgiana was within the bounds ofreason. But we do not live by reason, nor by bread, alone. Love — Oh, I feel so unsure. To end a solemn engagement in such a passion. I should have waited till we were calm — but the engagement was a mistake — it was.Reasoninform me ofthat. He did not listen to me, he did not respect me, and he feels the right to control and manipulate the lives of those around him without their consultation.”
“If you see Darcy in that way, you would be wrong to marry him.”
“If only I had not been so angry. We could have talked once we calmed. I was not angry at first. He said he would not listen to me, and that I should already agree with him. His wide eyes and open mouth; I shall always remember them — he accused me at first of theatrics when I threw my ring away. If I was calm, I do not think I could have ended the engagement. When he realized I was in earnest…” Elizabeth pressed her hand to her stomach again.
Papa looked at her with a queer expression. Half horror and half amusement. “You threw your ring back at him?”
“It is horrible! How could I do that? I am a terrible person.”
“Poor Mr. Darcy.” Papa laughed.
