She wanted to hold him and know what he was thinking.
She knew Darcy too well to imagine that he might ever jilt her. But she could imagine him coming to resent her and her demands. Yet…
Her demands were just. She loved her family. She also loved him, but that did not change her love for her family.
She missed his closeness. She missed the excitement of their happy engagement, she missed Darcy’s kisses, the scent of his coat, and the sound of his conversation.
Fortunately Elizabeth did not have much leisure to mope and maudlin.
The day after Darcy left, Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner arrived at Longbourn, amply supplied with a full complement of children piled on the seats of their carriage and overflowing onto their laps. Mrs. Bennet immediately threw her arms around Mr. Gardiner’s neck when he arrived, and said, “Dear brother, dear brother. You can have no notion of all the trouble that I have had! I am so glad to see you here.”
Mr. Gardiner embraced her and patted her reassuringly on the back. “Now, now, Fanny, it will all be well. You worry too much about things. But tell me more about Elizabeth’s suitor suddenly having business to the north?”
“His sister is eloping! Mr. Darcy went to stop her. And I am sure that he will be shot by this awful Wickham man. And then Elizabeth will never marry, because she will be broken hearted forever. And Jane is blind, so she can never marry. And Mary is too plain to marry, and I do not know what it will be, but I am sure something will prevent both Lydia and Kitty from marrying, and we will all starve in the hedgerows when Mr. Bennet dies — Lord! I cannot convince Mr. Bennet to worry. But of course he cannot care about it. He shall be dead, and he has no compassion formeand my nerves.”
“Dear Fanny. I shall take care of you and the girls if every disaster follows. And Phillips will also.”
“Oh! I shall depend upon you then. You will be all I have — Miss Darcy really ought to have thought upon what an inconvenience it would be to everyone for her to run off to Scotland. Horrid girl with no consideration for the trouble she puts everyone to.”
“I am apt to think,” Mrs. Gardiner said, “that young women who choose to pursue such actions seldom spend a great span of time thinking about the inconvenience it will cause to others.”
“I am sure Mr. Darcy will fight a duel,” Mrs. Bennet exclaimed again. “And be shot through the heart. He is a cripple, you know.”
“There will be no duel!” Elizabeth exclaimed. She felt very bleak inside, and rather scared herself at the prospect. “He promised me he would not duel.”
Mama shook her head, clearly judging Elizabeth for her naivete. “Gentlemen lie about such things.”
With a huff Elizabeth stomped off. He had promised her. And she trusted Mr. Darcy’s word.
Elizabeth went restlessly paced back and forth in the garden.
Her mother’s constant harping upon the matter scared her.
Even though she firmly believed Darcy would not duel, there were other dangers — December was by no means the safest time to travel. There was often ice on the roads, especially as they went north. A carriage running at full speed to chase down his sister. A bad patch. A skid. And then Mr. Darcy would be mangled beyond recognition in the crash.
“She is only nervous.” Mrs. Gardiner’s soft voice broke Elizabeth’s reverie. “And she does not realize how others can be made unhappy by hearing all of her worries listed out.”
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “I have yet to forgive Mama for sending Jane to Netherfield and trying to make me marry Mr. Collins.”
“You’ll do yourself no good by resenting your mother — especially since everything she has done has your interest at heart more than anything else.”
“I understand — she wants to aid us. Irritating woman! It is not merely that she wishes to force husbands upon us, but that she has the worst taste in potential sons-in-law!”
Mrs. Gardiner laughed. “I cannot arguethat— but this is not why you are unhappy.”
Elizabeth looked into her aunt’s warm, understanding eyes.
Mrs. Gardiner squeezed her arm and hugged her. “Dearest, you are not alone. You need not hold all matters in your head. You rather tend to do that to an excess.”
Suddenly the anxiety of the last two days broke some dam in Elizabeth’s mind, and she tightly squeezed her aunt back, and buried her face in her shoulder and sobbed. “We argued. Just before the express came. And then he left. And I don’t know. I don’t know what will happen. He became so angry… I was even angrier. I said I was not sure if I wanted to marry him”
Mrs. Gardiner held her tight and rubbed her back.
“Can you tell me that nothing will go amiss?”
“I do not know,” she replied in a soft tone. “And no one but the Almighty can.”
Elizabeth laughed wetly. “A stupid question.”
